AMELIA'S HEALTHY LIFE

Whole 30 Update

2012-01-19T14:20:00.001-05:00

I’m almost 2/3 of the way through my month of super strict Paleo aka the Whole 30. I was as close to 100% compliant as humanly possible for the first two weeks. Over the past week, a few things have crept back in. It started with making my favorite Orange Chicken to which I added a tablespoon of honey (in a batch of sauce for two pounds of chicken). Negligible, right? Still, I get why even that isn’t allowed. You have that and it makes it that much easier to just allow something else. That something else was this Granola recipe, which no lie, is like crack in our house. Both Cute Man and I went after it like gangbusters. This will have to be a rare treat because it makes me want to house ALL OF THE THINGS. Dinner last night? A bowl of pureed cauliflower and carrot soup (post-dentist, I wanted something soft) and then two (albeit small) bowls of the granola “cereal” with almond milk. Until the granola was gone. Not only was it more sugar than I would have wanted, it gave me a bit of digestive distress, shall we say… Lesson learned!

The best part of this challenge has been the lack of dairy. It is weird to think I don’t miss it. This makes me truly realize that it has the same type of addictive effect on me that wheat and sugar do. If I don’t have it, I’m fine. If I do, I want more. As a result, I’m going to keep it out of my rotation for the foreseeable future. I’m more than happy to stick with ghee instead of butter, at least at home – eating a bit of it out will probably be fine. It is delicious and much easier to cook with (higher smoke point). As long as I stay away from coffee, there really isn’t much reason for cream, either, I’ve found. Even though I kicked my caffeine addiction some six months ago, I was still indulging in not-so-infrequent Starbucks treats in the form of decaf Americanos with heavy cream. These were not doing me or my wallet any favors. I have moved on to my Tazo Passion Tea obsession, which is much healthier :) Wow, it took me this long to even think about cheese. Once my go-to low carb snack that I could not possibly live without… And here I am living without it. It may or may not make a return. I never thought most hard aged cheeses bothered me, but maybe I’ll do a test after this elimination to see… In any case, I’m in no hurry. It might just become a from time to time type thing.

I am looking forward to the return of some of my baked almond flour and coconut flour treats. Due to their high fiber content and lack of addictive grains, I don’t see them as a huge issue for me. They bring a layer of enjoyment and fun to this lifestyle that I particularly like sharing with others. It might not be a hardcore stance on the subject, but I’m not in this to win the most Paleo-ist contest. I’m in it for health, happiness, and a sustainable way of life. As this super strict experiment starts to wind down, I will be keeping some of the changes (no to dairy) and letting some go (yes to Paleo-ized baked treats).

Success without Goals

2012-01-13T16:38:00.000-05:00

If you don’t know where you’re going, how will you know when you get there? For someone on what could be termed a “weight loss quest”, I have few articulated goals. No goal weight. No short term weight loss goals. No metrics with which to empirically judge my progress. This struck me when reading this great post by my friend Gwen about her goals. It made me realize that it was kind of strange that I did not have anything similar. I understand the concept of having something very specific and measurable to work towards, but somehow I never really put that together for myself.

I remember having vague ideas of “if I lose an average of a pound a week, in a year I’ll be 50 pounds lighter!” That sounded kind of nice and also kind of incredible, as in no way in hell could it happen. So, I let go of that idea and just decided to focus on what I could actually control: my behavior, attitude, and choices on a daily basis. I ditched the weekly weigh ins for monthly ones that also included measurements. I set a calendar reminder and didn’t think about it until the time came (for the most part, I’m human after all). Even in a “slow” month, I could see that I had lost maybe 2 lbs – if I’d been checking weekly I’d most certainly seen weeks with no change or just tiny ones or heaven forbid, gains! Waiting for the month to be up gave me something to hold on to, no matter how small. This freed me up to focus on what I was doing each day rather than on the results I wished to get from those actions. This was helpful because – as anyone who has ever tried to lose weight can tell you – the scale is fickle. But knowing this does not stop many of us (myself included) from taking its pronouncements as some sort of reflection of not only our compliance, but our worth.

I’m not saying goals are bad things to have – for some they are very motivating and just the thing to get them going. I like reading other people’s goals and cheering them on. But for me, I’ll keep going with my non-goal oriented quest. It seems that I got to that 50 pound non-goal after all!

The Whole 30 (and 2011 Results!)

2012-01-03T11:44:00.000-05:00

As of January 2nd, I have started an intense month of tighter compliance known as The Whole 30. It’s basically just being strict Paleo without letting the little slips and cheats in. For me, it means finally eliminating dairy completely for a set period and nixing all the sugar (mostly maple syrup and stevia) that has crept back in to my diet, especially around the holidays. Otherwise, it’s the same old grain and legume free high (good) fat/low carb diet I’ve been rocking for months now. I will be having a smattering of fruit and sweet potatoes while doing this version, since it’s allowed although in a pretty limited fashion (maybe 1 or 2 carb servings of either type a day). A girl’s got to live a little!

To prepare for this month, I stocked up on my favorite herbal teas (I LOVE Tazo Passion, for example). When you’re not eating sugar, it really seems like a treat. I also got a bunch of different varieties of nuts to make a trail mix with a few raisins (not sure if these are OK, but there are just a few) and coconut flakes. Best trail mix ever! We’re not supposed to go crazy with the nuts since they can be high in Omega 6s and do have some not-so-nice-to-the-gut properties. But, in my experience, they’re pretty self-limiting for me – I’ve never been one to eat them by the bushel. Just too filling anyway. Additionally, I got some delicious grass fed beef, some chicken parts, and even some uncured hotdogs/sausages to keep me full and satisfied. Lastly, I topped off my fresh and frozen veggie stores to make sure I always have some on hand to round out a meal.

And I can’t forget the ghee! This is a change to the Whole 30 Program made with the latest update. Since ghee (clarified butter) has had the milk solids removed and contains only the most trace amounts of either lactose or casein (the problematic sugar and protein components of milk), leaving only the very healthy buttery oil, it is OK on the program now. I am thrilled about his because I’m not the hugest fan of cooking things in coconut oil. I just don’t like the taste with cooked food. I will, however, be trying a refined version that is supposedly tasteless but still has most of the good qualities of the real deal (virgin). We’ll see. It would be great to alternate them for variety and also for the different nutrients they contain. I also have some beef tallow, just to keep things interesting!

2011 was a great year for making progress on this journey. I managed to lose another 2.5 pounds during December, bringing my final total for 2011 to 48.5 pounds lost. The amazing thing is that I did not feel at all deprived of the holiday food fun. I had a great time making lots of grain-free treats and I’m at peace with having let myself be a little looser with the sugar intake during that time. I feel great about the balance I seemed to strike between indulging and not forgetting myself or my goals. This bodes well for the future since this isn’t a short term solution for me but rather only the first year of the rest of my life in which I plan to take good care of myself. It’s unrealistic to think I will be Whole 30-level compliant every single day ad infinitum – that’s just not how life is. There will be ups and downs but it’s good to know that this way of life is sustainable in a realistic way that is both effective and fun.

Want to see what I’ve been up to? Check out my Weight Release Chart to get the scoop.

Chocolate Granola Bars (Grain Free)

2011-12-08T16:13:00.001-05:00

I came across this recipe for Paleo-friendly granola bars and promptly pinned it to my Grain Free Treats Board. That was not enough for me, though, so I set about making my own version. I decided to use my beloved Grade B Maple syrup instead of honey and I used up most of the random bits of nuts we had in the house, but still was a little short of the amounts in the original recipe. As a result, I added some cashew butter to the liquid ingredients and it turned out great! I also wound up substituting mini chocolate chips for the dried fruit (didn’t have any) and they melted when I added the hot liquid portion to the dry ingredients. Should have seen that one coming. But the happy accident just turned these into a delicious chocolate version that was a hit with me and the Cute Man. I think I could even have cut down on the maple syrup since the chocolate added quite a bit of sugar, too. Maybe next time I’ll actually get some raisins OR still use the chips but save them until the very end and press them into the top, forming a chocolate chip layer on top.

I’ve been trying to get more coconut oil into my diet (it’s good for you!) and it works really well in this recipe. The taste melds well with the other ingredients and it acts as a good binder, since it solidifies at room temperature. I still plan to keep these in the fridge – they tend to go all gooey if the temp is even slightly above room temperature. All in all, I’m really glad to have these on hand. They’re great for a quick breakfast of afternoon snack.

Chocolate Granola Bars (Grain Free)

Adapted from Joyful Abode

2.5 cups assorted nuts and seeds
1 cup dried fruit or mini chocolate chips
2 cups shredded coconut
1/4 cup coconut oil
1/2 cup maple syrup (can omit or use less, especially if using chips)
1/2 cup cashew or almond butter
1/2 teaspoon vanilla extract
1/2 teaspoon salt
1/2 teaspoon cinnamon

Use your food processor to pulse 1 cup of the nuts into a rough chop and put them in a medium sized bowl. Pulse the other 1.5 cups of nuts and seeds more finely and add to the bowl. Add your fruit or chocolate chips and the dried coconut. In a saucepan over medium-low heat, combine oil, maple syrup, cashew or almond butter, vanilla, salt, and cinnamon. Cook until the mixture bubbles, then pour over the nut mixture. Stir to combine completely. Press your mixture into a parchment-lined pan. Cool 2-3 hours (or in the fridge or freezer for less time), then remove from the pan and cut into bars.

Delicious Orange Chicken

2011-12-05T11:04:00.001-05:00

This is a winner! I discovered this gem of a recipe on Holly's meal plan. As soon as I saw it, I just had to have it. Like, now. It took me a few days to make it back to the store to get the ingredients, but I managed to get it done. I'm so happy Holly followed up with me to let me know to add some honey to the sauce. It was essential! The finished product was better than ANY takeout I ever had (and thought I missed). Making the sauce with the juice of a couple fresh oranges plus their zest had the finished product singing with flavor. I always wondered why Orange Chicken was even called that. It never really seemed to taste anything like orange – more like a non-spicy version of General Tso’s. But this? This tasted orang-y in the best possible way. And it was just slightly spicy, enough to give it a kick but not too much (we’re not really spicy-hot people, at least when it comes to food!)

I served it up with some frozen broccoli that I first nuked, then finished up in the pan I used to brown the chicken (after I added the chicken to the sauce). I flavored it with some butter, chicken stock, and a splash of wheat-free soy sauce. Yum! The Cute Man added some of his favorite brown rice to the mix, but otherwise enjoyed this creation immensely, as I did. He declared it the best of my (often not-quite-successful) Chinese Food take-out recreation attempts. The whole bowl was finished off with some chopped scallions. They added a nice crunch.

If I ever get it together, I’m going to make a huge batch of this and freeze up some portions. Having this kind of thing on hand and ready would be awesome on a Friday night. It used to be that was the night we ordered takeout/delivery (Chinese or pizza). I now mostly cook something simple but I long for those lazy nights when I didn’t have to think about dinner once a week. And the flavor of Chinese food really takes me back there. Yum!

No More Heartburn

2011-11-28T17:21:00.001-05:00

I’m afraid to jinx myself, but I think I’m finally free from heartburn! It’s been a couple weeks since I took my last Prilosec and I feel fine :) Although the pills worked well, I was fearful of their side-effects and of staying on them long-term in general. I didn’t stop on purpose, really. I just forgot to take them for a couple of days and realized I had an opportunity to try and get off them. It just felt right. There was something about taking those pills every day that really got me down. Eating low carb and especially Paleo, seems to be the ticket for many with this problem. It bugged me that I still had to deal with it, even with my great diet.

The only things I changed during this period were to add a lot more gelatin and probiotics to my diet. I also have made a concerted effort not to drink water with meals and to slow down and make sure not to overeat at all. I wanted to do whatever I could to help my poor gut heal itself and not irritate it unnecessarily. I also stocked up on TUMS just in case (I have not popped even one, as of this writing!)

I have struggled to find a way to incorporate probiotics into my diet. I don’t like sauerkraut or many fermented foods at all. Pickles are pretty much it, on that front. I’ve also not had much luck with yogurt. The dairy still seems to bother me. I’d like to try coconut yogurt, but I could only find it pre-sweetened in the store, so that was out. As a result, I’ve tried to get my hands on some real, lacto-fermented pickles. They have Bubbies brand at the health food store, and those are good. I’ve also discovered the joys of kombucha. I like the cranberry flavor that I found in the store (the fermentation process brings the carb content way down so it doesn’t spike my blood sugar). I very much want to learn how to make it myself and will be following this guide from Wellness Mama soon to try it out. Buying it by the bottle at the store is expensive! I’m also taking one probiotic supplement every couple of days, especially when I don’t get any from food. Who knows if it’s helping? But it doesn’t seem to have any ill effects, either.

My saving grace, though, is gelatin. It is the most soothing substance I have come across. Its health benefits include helping to heal the gut lining and it’s also good for aching joints, arthritis, etc. I’ve been putting it in everything from soup to tea, having it several times a day. Whenever I feel the smallest twinge in my tummy, I drink some tea with it mixed in and I feel instantly better. Is it the placebo effect? Do I care? I also have been making homemade bone broths (chicken, turkey, beef) using good quality bones, which are a natural source of this healing substance. The only advice I have about gelatin is that quality matters. I’m not talking about Jello brand desserts, with all kinds of additives. I get Great Lakes brand, which is sourced from grass fed animals.

I don’t have a clue if any of the above strategies are doing much to make this happen or if I’m simply healing on my own. It doesn’t matter all that much to me. I’m just glad to be feeling better and less dependent on pharmaceuticals for my daily comfort.

Thanksgiving Menu

2011-11-18T13:48:00.000-05:00

This year I’m thankful for… the Internet. As you can see below, all of the recipes I will be using for our big Turkey Day Feast come from around the web. I look forward to pulling up this post on my brand new Kindle Fire and easily bouncing back and forth between pages as I cook. I plan to do most of my shopping Sunday afternoon at Trader Joes but I will also be stopping by Wegmans for whatever items I can’t get at TJs. I’m going to be able to do most of the prep and even some of the cooking on Wednesday since I took the day off. That will make Thursday a little more relaxed and I’ll be able to focus on the Turkey and the last minute items.

All of the recipes are Amelia-approved. I figure since I’m the one cooking it all, I sure as well should be able to eat what I make. A holiday like this is the perfect opportunity to go off plan for a bit and live it up – I get that. But for me, I feel so good eating this way, why would I want to intentionally set myself up for feeling like crap afterwards? That’s not to say everything is 100% strict Paleo. For one thing, there’s quite a bit of heavy cream, butter, and cheese going on in this meal. I guess you could call it more “primal” than “paleo”. All those terms are so fluid anyway, though. There are some sweet treats involved that follow my usual concession to those types of things: definitely gluten free and low in sugar (but not necessarily completely sugar free). That being said, I haven’t neglected the needs of my guests. I put a lot of thought into my choices and I think they will appeal to everybody. Good food is good food.

Without further ado, here is what I'm making:

Apple Cider Soda

Sage and Butternut Squash Soup

Brined Turkey

Gravy

Brussels Sprouts with Bacon

Garlic and Herb Mashed Cauliflower

Green Bean Casserole

Cheesy Cauliflower Bake

Grain Free Bread Stuffing

Honey Roasted Sweet Potatoes

Brown Butter Pumpkin Cake with Honey-Cinnamon Cream Cheese Frosting

Pumpkin Cookies

I hope you have a wonderful Thanksgiving Day!

Haddock en Papillote

2011-11-15T17:32:00.000-05:00

Since the small bag of frozen wild caught Halibut that contained two small filets cost $18.99 and the large bag of frozen wild caught Haddock cost $12.99 contained four large filets, I decided to make a change to the “Halibut en Papillote” recipe. What can I say, I’m ~~cheap~~ a savvy shopper! The funny thing is that I am often the opposite of a bargain hunter when it comes to food. I do NOT skimp on quality. But that was just a no-brainer. It’s not as if I like signing my paychecks over to Trader Joes and Wegmans…

The idea of wrapping the fish up in parchment paper with the delicious flavorings (lemon, scallions, and the chives I subbed for the garlic scapes) and letting them all just steam to perfection was one that appealed to me and it did not disappoint. I cut two big filets in half and wound up making four delightful packets. I paired the contents with some roasted Brussels sprouts and pureed cauliflower and ended up extremely pleased with myself, and of course, my inspiration: Make it Paleo! Have I mentioned what a great cookbook that is? No? Well, it IS. Go buy it. And if you know me personally, you can ask me for it for the holidays. I will seriously buy it for you. And don’t be surprised if you get it, even if you don’t ask. It’s THAT good.

Meal plan - Make it Paleo Edition

2011-11-08T14:40:00.000-05:00

I have been so excited to get started with my brand new copy of Make it Paleo. The photos alone are drool-worthy. With so many great recipes, it was hard to narrow it down to just a few. Since I'm purposely making enough with each recipe to have leftovers, these probably will be cooked and eaten over the next couple weeks:

1. Lamb meatballs with mint pesto over zucchini noodles p. 160

2. Chicken with Garlic p. 186

3. Smoked paprika chicken p. 194

4. Halibut en papillote p. 234

5. Taco Salad p. 278

6. Pot Roast p. 288

7. Butternut Squash soup p. 290

Delicious Brisket

2011-10-31T13:53:00.002-04:00

After managing to drag myself out of bed by 3:00 on Sunday (post-Halloween/birthday party), I got to cooking up this meal including mashed cauliflower, gravy, and cut up veggies/dip from the party. It was a total hit. Here's what I did for the brisket and gravy:

3 lb brisket
1 can diced tomatoes
1 onion, coarsely chopped
4 carrots, coarsely chopped
2 tsp oregano

Salt/pepper to taste

Pre-heat oven to 325*. Season brisket on both sides with oregano, salt, and pepper. Place in large oven safe pan. Sear both sides for 3 minutes on medium/high heat. Add remaining ingredients, cover, place in oven for 2.5 hours.

Remove from oven and put the meat on a plate or cutting board. Using an immersion blender, purée the veggies and drippings into a gravy.

Slice meat against the grain and serve topped with gravy.

This really hit the spot!

Carnitas - the Crockpot Killer

2011-10-28T13:11:00.000-04:00

I seem to have killed my crockpot. It gave its life so we could eat Carnitas. Although I forgot to make them on Monday, I did successfully chuck all of the ingredients in the slow cooker before racing out the door on Tuesday. I’m not normally much of a pork eater (except for bacon – bacon doesn’t even count, right? Or, sausage. Sausage is good – whatever!) but I’m trying to branch out. The results were pretty good. I kept it super simple by just eating the shredded meat with some sliced avocado and grape tomatoes.

The only problem is that when I went to put the leftover chicken bones, water, apple cider vinegar, and garlic in the crockpot last night to make chicken stock, the darn thing wouldn’t turn on. Now, I’ve been known to declare small appliances dead, when they are really just not properly plugged in (I’m only human, after all), but I think this one is actually a gonner. Good thing I had my double slow cooker on hand (it has two smaller pots on one base) that I normally use to keep stuff warm during parties. In went all the chicken stock goodness which is bubbling away all day as I type. I look forward to getting home to the smell of Jewish penicillin. I plan to add a few sprigs of rosemary for the last hour or so before letting it cool and straining it. There is absolutely nothing better than homemade stock. Best health food ever!

Turkey Day Test Kitchen: Stuffing Edition

2011-10-27T17:54:00.000-04:00

I had this bug in my ear about wanting to come up with a grain free stuffing worthy of Thanksgiving. When I saw this Paleo Bread recipe, I knew I was on to something. So, yesterday, I baked up a loaf of bread and set about adapting my favorite cornbread recipe. I paired the creation with a delicious whole chicken, roasted broccoli, and topped it off with gravy (I added a dollup of tomato paste, an effect I liked). Here’s what I did for the stuffing:

2 tbs grass fed butter
2 onions, coarsely chopped
2 sprigs of fresh rosemary, chopped (sage is great instead, but I didn’t have any)
1 egg
¼ c milk of choice (heavy cream, coconut milk…)
¼ c chicken broth
Salt and pepper to taste
Paleo Bread, cubed (I made mine with butter instead of coconut oil)

Preheat oven to 375*. Because I’m ~~lazy~~ very efficient, I do this all in one oven-safe casserole pan. On the stovetop, melt butter and add onions, cooking on low heat for 30 minutes or so until they caramelize. Add in the rosemary and stir. In a bowl, combine the egg, milk, chicken broth, salt and pepper and set aside. Mix the cubed bread in with the onions and then pour the egg mixture on top. Stir the stuffing just a bit to combine but not too much, which would cause your bread cubes to get mushy and break apart. Put the pan in the preheated oven and cook for 30 minutes until the stuffing is crispy on top. Try not to eat half of it before your husband comes home (or is that just me?)

Simple Dinner

2011-10-25T16:14:00.000-04:00

Can't get easier than this! You know those Carnitas that were on the menu for yesterday? Guess who forgot to put on the crockpot yesterday! Yup. That’s me. As a result, I made the easiest dinner on record: I defrosted some cooked shrimp, made some ketchup, threw together a salad and called it done. I did get slightly fancy with the dressing since I went to the 2 minute “trouble” of making ketchup…

2 tbs ketchup
2 tbs balsamic vinegar
4 tbs olive oil

Stir all ingredients with a whisk and declare it “Catalina” dressing. Mix it with bagged lettuce and grape tomatoes and call it "Salad".

The good thing about the slip-up is that I now get to come home to all the Tex-Mex goodness today. I set myself up for success last night by premixing the ingredients for the Carnitas in a Ziploc bag. I got to just toss it in the slow cooker with the meat and run out the door. It was a good thing, too, since I got out of bed at 6:55 when I had to leave by 7:10. I managed to get out the door at 7:15, jogged to the metro (amazingly easy – this exercise thing is actually working!) and got to my bootcamp class just after 8:00. Not too shabby!

Also, in other news, I got my very own copy of Make it Paleo yesterday! If you are on the fence about trying out this way of eating or wondering what cookbook to buy, BUY THIS ONE! It has 450 pages of gorgeous recipes - each one with an awe inspiring photo. I cannot wait to start going through it. These guys came up with my beloved pumpkin cookies, so the bar is high.

On the Menu This Week

2011-10-23T12:22:00.000-04:00

The pumpkin curry soup turned out really well. I used canned organic pumpkin and frozen veggies and shrimp to make this a truly quick and simple Friday night dinner. But that was last week. On to the upcoming week's menu. I'm making some pretty big batches of food this week to carry us through with some leftovers.

Sunday

Curried Meatballs and Sliders

Monday

Crockpot Carnitas

Tuesday

Brisket (Adapted from this Lamb Shoulder Recipe)

Wednesday

Whole Chicken and Grain Free Stuffing

Thursday

Maple Balsamic Salmon

Friday

Old Bay Shrimp and Salad

Pistachio Salmon

2011-10-21T17:27:00.001-04:00

I got the idea to try this from Paleo Comfort Foods' Pecan Crusted Fish which I made last week. I fell in love with the technique that resulted in a crunchy nutty crust that stayed put, even during flipping. For this recipe, I just swapped out the kind of fish and nuts. I paired it with some roasted cauliflower for the win. The combo was a big bit with Cute Man and certainly will become part of our rotation. Here’s what I did:

1 tbs Grass Fed Butter
2 Wild Caught Salmon Filets
½ c Almond Flour
Salt and Pepper to taste
1 egg white
1 c Pistachio nutmeats, coarsely chopped
2 slices of fresh lemon

Heat a pan over medium heat and add butter. While the butter melts, set up a station like so from left to right: plate with almond flour, salt and pepper; wide bowl with beaten egg white; and the cutting board with chopped pistachios. Dip the top of each filet in each station, going from left to right, creating a crust on the non-skin side of the filet. Put both pieces of fish into the buttered pan, crust side down (skin side up). Let cook for 5-6 minutes until the crust is toasted, then flip and cook 4-5 minutes more. Remove and serve with a slice of lemon. The fish should be cooked through and flake with a fork.

Grain Free Pizza

2011-10-20T16:25:00.000-04:00

Having this pizza on the menu this week was a real treat. Cute Man isn’t a huge fan of the almond flour crusts, so I made his on two small flat breads he normally uses for his sandwiches. He was raving about it, so I think it’s safe to say he liked them. I used this recipe for the crust, but came up with the toppings myself based on what was on hand. Using the recommended parchment paper was the key to making this easy and week-night doable. The last time I made a pizza, the crust was super sticky and it was just an annoying process.

On to the toppings! I made a quick “sauce” with a small can of tomato paste, a bit of water, oregano, basil, salt, pepper, garlic powder, and a drop of Stevia. I kept it thick so it wouldn’t make the crust soggy. Atop the sauce, I lovingly placed some onions I had caramelized in grass fed butter for 45 minutes over low heat as well as the julienned yellow squash I had added to the onions for the last 5 minutes. Lastly, I topped this baby off with some defrosted crumbled sausage I had in the freezer. The combination was terrific! Oh, and I also sprinkled some Parmesan Cheese on top after I took the finished product out of the oven. That picture didn’t look as good so I went with the pre-cheese version.

Items like “Paleo Pizza” are a bit controversial among some. They see them as a crutch, keeping people from letting go of the modern foods that are just simply no good for us. That may be true, but I don’t think this makes me any more likely to go out and want the real deal again. Instead, these types of treats are fun to create and let me have a taste of a food that I really like and sometimes miss. Also, I have no illusions of doing this thing perfectly. I’m just doing the very best I can, making better choices whenever possible. The great thing is that my efforts are starting to show real results. The proof is in the (dairy free, grain free, omega 3-rich) pudding, my friend!

Shrimp Egg Foo Young

2011-10-19T10:45:00.000-04:00

This is a great easy and quick option that never disappoints. The photo is of Cute Man's plate so the eggy goodness is piled on top of a heap of brown rice. I ate mine plain, but also made some pureed tomato soup as a starter. The two elements did not go together at all, but I enjoyed them nonetheless. Here is how I made this quick and dirty creation that makes two separate omelets...

6 eggs

1 c frozen shrimp, thawed

1 c frozen veggies, thawed (I used Frenched green beans)

2 tbs wheat free soy sauce or tamari

1 tbs 5 spice powder

1 tsp garlic powder

Mix all ingredients together in a large bowl. Heat a small skillet over medium/high heat with fat of choice (I used chicken fat). Ladle half the mixture into the pan, turn the heat down to low and cover for 5-10 minutes until the omelet begins to puff up. Remove the lid, flip the omelet allowing the other side to sear just a bit before cutting it into four triangles and plating. Add some chopped scallions or chives to the top for garnish. Repeat the process with the other half of the egg mixture for your second serving.

Fish Tacos, PCF Style

2011-10-18T17:09:00.000-04:00

Unlike last week, I took the time to crack open my trusty copy of Paleo Comfort Foods before actually starting to make my tacos. I’m so glad I did! Their recipe is super simple and offers a great technique. The main difference was that it called for me to marinate the fish for a short while before cooking it up. Not rocket science but also not something I’ve bothered to do before. It really made it better. Two tasty thumbs up!

In other news, I’m so determined to stick with my meal plan and not go out and buy more food before the weekend that I’ve taken to rationing eggs! With Shrimp Egg Foo Young and Grain Free Pizza dough on the menu as well as the need for an egg white wash for the Pistachio Salmon, those babies are in hot demand. I thought I had a ton of them until Cute Man and I both wanted scrambled eggs for breakfast. As a result, I counted out what I needed for the week and made scrambled eggs with the rest. It all worked out and I’m glad to know we’re still on track.

I’m hoping that I’ll get my new copy of Make it Paleo sometime this week so that I can use it for meal planning next week. That book looks amazing and I cannot wait to try out a bunch of their goodies. These are the people who brought me my beloved Pumpkin Cookies, so I have high hopes!!!

Curried Meatball Cookies

2011-10-17T10:16:00.000-04:00

I adapted these from an Everyday Paleo recipe and they came out really well. I decided to add a heaping tablespoon of coconut flour to help them hold their shape and to caramelize the onions before adding them into the mixture, which imparted some great flavor. The flat shape was also a hit with the Cute Man. Plus, they cooked super quickly under the broiler. I had a batch of some of the sauce in the freezer from the last time I made the meatballs, so I didn’t have to make that again. The only problem with this whole meal was that those leftovers I was so excited about? Didn’t happen. I have like two little guys in a Tupperware. They were so good that we pretty much gobbled them all up. Whoops!

This Week in Food

2011-10-16T14:37:00.001-04:00

For this week, I’ve come up with a selection of favorites based on what we still have in the house. I will be incorporating the Fish Tacos and Shrimp Skillet recipes from Paleo Comfort Foods, since I didn't get to try them last week. I am really enjoying having a concrete plan, even if that plan needs tweaking based on the reality of what each day brings. We stuck pretty close to the plan last week, the only notable exception was Chinese food Friday night. I did my best by ordering a seafood soup, to try to avoid extra sugar and/or gluten in any sauces. I was excited when my meal arrived but it turned out to be kind of bland. Too bad the soy sauce on the table clearly stated it contained wheat or else that may have helped the situation. It’s always a bit of a shame when you don’t love the food when you a paying to go out. That being said, I was still glad to have a night off from cooking and it was a fun night out with the Cute Man.

Sunday
Curried Meatball Cookies
(I'll be making these meatballs into sliders for easy grabbing of leftovers)
Monday
Fish Tacos (PCF p. 256)

Tuesday
Shrimp Egg Foo Young

Wednesday
Grain Free Pizza

Thursday
Shrimp Skillet (PCF p. 252)

Friday
Pistachio Crusted Salmon

Squash Soup

2011-10-14T16:55:00.000-04:00

This is not the most glamorous photo, I know. But the soup? The soup is terrific. Cute Man is not the biggest fan of pureed soups so I got to enjoy the fruits of my labor on Monday a few times this week as part of my lunch. There is just something so yummy and comforting about butternut squash soup on a rainy day. It certainly hit the spot today. I think this will make its way into the rotation over the next few weeks of fall. This is my favorite season and the spicy undercurrents in this soup evoke it so well. I’m glad I dug this gem out of the recesses of Paleo Comfort Foods (p. 140) this week!

Pecan Crusted Fish

2011-10-14T16:46:00.000-04:00

This one is a definite winner! The nuts really stuck to the top and even survived flipping in the pan. The crunchy deliciousness of the pecans meshed well with the light buttery lemon/wine sauce. I chose to use some wild caught Alaskan Cod that I picked up at Trader Joe's recently. It had a great texture and paired very well with this recipe. The roasted broccoli I served with it almost didn't survive until Cute Man got home. I just love that stuff inexplicably!

This was another hit from the Paleo Comfort Foods cookbook (p. 250). I must say that I've really been enjoying this experiment. It's nice to come home and already have a plan in place. It takes out all the decision making angst. Without a plan, it's much too easy for me to just phone it in and not put much effort into the meal. This is way more fun and results in some tasty excursions away from the old standbys.

Stuffed Peppers

2011-10-13T14:13:00.000-04:00

These goodies from Paleo Comfort Foods (p. 296) were delicious but somewhat more time consuming than I'd normally like for a week-night. They turned out really pretty - I liked the colorfulness of the meal. I ate two peppers and that turned out to be a bit too much. I was definitely full at that point! Didn't stop me from scarfing a couple pumpkin cookies, though.

Fish Tacos

2011-10-12T13:57:00.000-04:00

All thoughts about Paleo Comfort Foods went out the window last night. All I had in my head was Fish Tacos so I just made them. I have no idea if they even faintly resemble the recipe in the book. I forgot to even crack it open! My version was super easy – Alaskan Cod pieces cooked up with some garlic powder, chili powder, cumin, and a little bit of chicken broth until the liquid pretty much evaporates. I added that to some romaine leaves with chopped avocado/tomatoes seasoned with salt, pepper, garlic powder, and lime juice. I totally forgot the fresh cilantro, which would have been delish. Oh, well! It was that kind of night. I was super pooped from my workout earlier that day. It just really did me in! I also realized that the fish seemed to cook down considerably so I actually didn’t eat this last night (the picture is of Cute Man’s plate). I ate some of the guac with meat cookies instead and rounded out the night with some Pumpkin Cookies. Yum city!

Farmer's Pie

2011-10-11T13:06:00.001-04:00

My big day of cooking yesterday also included this recipe from Paleo Comfort Foods (p. 290). I forgot the second pound of meat, but used the same amounts of other ingredients. It came out great! As a stroke of genius, I decided to sprinkle the top with some Parmesan cheese and broil it for a minute to get a nice crusty top. It was a hearty dinner last night and made for a terrific lunch today. I love leftovers, especially when from a tasty meal!

Meat Cookies (aka Sliders)

2011-10-10T16:59:00.002-04:00

Today was a big day in the kitchen. Although most of my recipes this week are coming from Paleo Comfort Foods, this one is an Amelia creation. One of my favorite things to make are these bite sized finger foods. They're great for work lunches or as a grab and go snack. I make these all different ways based on what I have on hand. Here's what I did today:

1 lb grassfed ground beef

1/4 c onion
1/4 c carrot
1/4 c celery
1 tbs grassfed butter
2 tbs coconut flour
2 tbs Parmesan cheese
1 tsp oregano
1 tsp garlic powder

1 tsp salt

1 tsp pepper

Sauté veggies in butter until onions become translucent. Set aside to cool. Put all other ingredients in a large bowl, then add the cooled veggies. Mix everything with clean hands until well combined. Form into slider sized patties and place on foil lined cookie sheet. Rub a little extra salt, pepper, or seasoning mix powder on each side of sliders - this helps make a nice crust on the outside. Broil on high for 6 minutes. Turn sliders and broil on the second side for 3 minutes. Remove from oven and enjoy!

Meal Planning with Paleo Comfort Foods

2011-10-10T13:01:00.003-04:00

I decided to get a little more intentional with my cooking and try some new recipes from Paleo Comfort Foods, a brand new cookbook I bought recently. I picked out a few dishes that caught my eye and spread them out over the week. I'm starting off with just dinners, pretty much. I can save some leftovers for lunches, which will be helpful, and fill in with some sliders and squash soup I'm going to make today. I plan to take pictures and report on how each come out this week. Today will be the busiest since I'm off from work. Here's how the week is shaping up:

Monday
Squash soup (PCF p. 140)
Farmer’s Pie (PCF p. 290)
(Includes cauliflower mashed potatoes PCF p. 172)
[sliders for lunches]
Pumpkin Cookies

Tuesday
Fish Tacos (PCF p. 256)

Wednesday
Stuffed Peppers (PCF p. 296)

Thursday
Pecan Crusted Fish (PCF p. 250)

Friday
Shrimp Skillet (PCF p. 252)

Help for some new triplets!

2011-10-06T11:40:00.000-04:00

Hey guys! The Love Drop team is at it again! They just came back from the Boston area where they dropped $5,000 worth of appliances and gifts to a woman who recently got hit by a car and is recovering in a wheelchair, and THIS month they're trying to round up the love for precious newborn triplets!

We want to help Jeff and Becca (the parents) prepare to bring them home from the hospital, as all three were born very underweight and are currently in the Neonatal ICU (they're doing great though! And will be coming home soon). With four children already, adding a surprise batch of triplets is going to put considerable financial strain on the family, and that's where we come in!

Let's help give them everything they need to welcome the triplets home, including diapers, food, furniture, gift cards - any cool baby stuff you can think of. We're shooting for at least $3,000 in cash, plus gifts.

Want to help? Here are three ways you can participate:
1. Give $1.00 - This money will help go to their family, and every dollar counts!
2. Give a gift card - Gift cards are extremely helpful. Places like Target, Wal-mart, restaurants, etc would be incredible. out.
3. Donate baby stuff! - Specifically diapers, formula and clothes. Gift cards here are awesome too. (Or maybe you have contacts in the baby world?)
You can reach the Love Drop team here anytime with questions: team (at) love drop (dot) us., or by checking them out at LoveDrop.us. Thanks everyone! We'll let you know how it goes!

Recipes Galore

2011-09-26T13:59:00.002-04:00

I am a complete internet recipe junky. I admit it! And I have finally found a good way to keep track of all my finds: Pinterest. You can keep track of pretty much anything, not just recipes, but those are kind of my thing. I occasionally will post a recipe to the blog if I’ve made any sort of appreciable changes to it or added my own creativity in some way. However, I mostly just post pictures on Facebook and leave people wondering where these creations have come from. Well, no more. I love that the recipes are sorted by picture, making it pretty easy to spot the one you want. So please feel free to follow me if you are in need of some creative fun yet healthy recipes. Also, if you’re already an avid pinner let me know so I can follow you, too!

Cheesy Squashy Cauliflower

2011-09-16T13:23:00.000-04:00

I got the idea for this from Ellie Krieger’s Macaroni and Four Cheese recipe . I just subbed in cauliflower for the noodles and made life easy by only using two cheeses. I also made it gluten free by using almond flour instead of bread crumbs and upped the amount of the topping in general – it’s the best part! I love this dish because it can please almost everybody. Those following a lower fat approach can appreciate the reduction in cheese (and fat) and the low carbers get all the fun without blood sugar spike you’d get from pasta. It’s totally customizable – you can reduce the amount of topping and skip the butter if you’re counting calories or points and load them up if you’re not! (Couldn’t resist. Sorry!)

Ingredients

Olive oil or butter to coat the pan
1 large cauliflower or bag of frozen cauliflower, thawed
2 (10-ounce) packages frozen pureed winter squash or 1 butternut squash
2 cups milk of choice (regular, cream, coconut, almond)
8 ounces extra-sharp Cheddar, grated
1 Tablespoon butter (I use this if the milk I’m using is lower in fat)
1 teaspoon salt
1 teaspoon powdered mustard (I usually skip this)
1/8 teaspoon cayenne pepper
¼ cup almond meal or flour
¼ cup grated Parmesan
2 Tablespoons olive oil

Directions

(If using a butternut squash, cut it in half lengthwise and roast it fleshy side up in a 400 degree oven for 30-45 minutes until it’s tender. Let cool, then scoop out the “meat” and puree in a blender with the milk you’re going to use in the recipe).

Preheat the oven to 375 degrees F. Coat a 9 by 13-inch baking pan with olive oil or butter.
Steam cauliflower a bit in the microwave in a large bowl for 10 minutes.
Drain and return it to its bowl.
Meanwhile, place the frozen squash and milk (or your homemade butternut puree) into a large saucepan and cook over a low heat, stirring occasionally and breaking up the squash with a spoon until it is defrosted.
Turn the heat up to medium and cook until the mixture is almost simmering, stirring occasionally.
Remove the pan from heat and stir in the Cheddar, optional butter, salt, mustard and cayenne pepper.
Pour cheese mixture over the cauliflower and stir to combine.
Transfer the cauliflower and cheese to the baking dish.
Combine bread crumbs, Parmesan cheese and oil in a small bowl.
Sprinkle over the top of the cauliflower and cheese.
Bake for 20 minutes, then broil for 3 minutes so the top is crisp and nicely browned.

*Please note that the picture is not of my actual recipe but it looks close. Forgot to take one!

The Wonder Bun - the "Paleo" Bread You Can Make in the Microwave

2011-09-13T14:45:00.003-04:00

I attracted an audience today while making myself a wonder bun at work. It turned out great – I cut it in half, added butter and Havarti cheese, and melted it a bit in the micro. The picture is from when I used it with a burger the other night. These things are easy, fast, and really do the trick! I adapted this from a recipe I found online. I simplified things by just using one type of flour and skipped the sweetener all together. I like how my version comes out and it works well for my purposes. Check out the original Wonder Bun post by Kitchen Therapy for more ideas on how to customize this.

Wonder Bun
yield: one 3 ½ inch bun

ingredients

1 large egg
4 tablespoons almond meal

½ teaspoon baking powder

½ teaspoon cocoa powder

a pinch of salt, optional

1 teaspoon sesame seeds

In a small bowl, beat the egg with a fork, for about a minute.
In another small bowl, add the almond meal, baking powder, and cocoa powder. Add a pinch of salt if you like. Make sure everything is thoroughly mixed so you do not see little balls of cocoa or bitter baking soda.
Add the eggs to the dry ingredients, stir until smooth.

Oil a 10 oz Pyrex custard cup and sprinkle sesame seeds on the bottom and sides.

Pour the batter into the cup. Top with more sesame seeds.

Microwave for 90 seconds.

That is it! A ready to eat, tasty bun. A wonder bun!

Finding My Own Path to Wellness

2011-09-09T16:03:00.002-04:00

So far this year, I’ve become a registered yoga instructor, lost over 35 pounds, resolved a lifelong skin condition, and dramatically improved my mood, energy level, and outlook on life. For years, I have been searching for the magic bullet that would help me lose weight and get healthier. The answer, I finally found, was to become my own expert. There is no one in the world that cares more about my health and happiness than me. I was the only one uniquely motivated to really figure this thing out.

At the beginning of 2011, I found myself at a crossroads. I knew that I had to take action in order to improve my weight and fitness level. However, I just couldn’t fathom returning to the approaches that had failed me in the past. I was overwhelmed but determined to find a new path. I dove in head first, reading everything I could get my hands on, trying to learn more about health and nutrition. That’s about when I stumbled upon The Primal Blueprint by Mark Sisson and The Paleo Solution by Robb Wolf). This Primal/Paleo approach basically turned everything I thought I knew about eating right and working out on its head. Even though the advice countered many of my long held beliefs, something about it resonated with me. What I’d been doing for the past 20 years obviously wasn’t working, so why not try something new?

The most important thing I had to change was my thinking. Instead of dwelling on the things that I was taking away (the foods that were no longer serving me), I chose to focus on what I was gaining in terms of increased energy, better mood, and in time, changes in my body composition. The positive feedback was everywhere I looked, I just had to take the time to notice.

I also learned that it’s OK to struggle. It’s not always going to be easy. Finding good coping strategies (like doing yoga or taking a bath for me) helps because there are always going to be “bad” days. They don’t have to spell a complete derailment anymore. Seeking out support both online and from my close-by friends and family has made an incredible difference as well.

This change has been about so much more than diet and exercise. It’s about putting my health on the top of the list, for real. For me, that means making a concerted effort to get at least 7 hours of sleep each night, allowing time to cook meals from scratch, and spending the “extra” money on quality organic, grassfed, and whole foods.

I love the idea of helping others find their way to better health and wellness. Sometimes I just want to shout about it to the rooftops; but simply achieving my own success is the greatest billboard ever. The only advice I can give to someone looking to make a change is to take the situation in your own hands and do your own research. Find the approach that works for you and go for it with everything you’ve got!

When Progress is Slow

2011-07-18T13:04:00.000-04:00

I lost two pounds this month. Yes, this month (not week). That seems painfully miniscule in the context of the 65 or so I have left to go. The fact that my measurements haven’t changed appreciably and that I haven’t needed new clothes contribute to a feeling of stagnation – like I’m not really making much of a difference. Sometimes I just want something quantifiable to look at and say, “see – things are changing!” Within our culture of immediate gratification, it’s easy to get discouraged by slow results.

Then, I take a moment to do a reality check. Overall, I’m 28# lighter than I was at the end of January. Those 6 months would have passed regardless and I’m happy to be well on my way towards a healthier, happier mind and body. Besides, what’s the alternative? Give up because it’s not working fast enough? I can imagine how I’d feel had I’d gained 2 or more pounds this month from treating myself badly. I’ve committed to changing the way I live (eat, sleep, and move) for the long haul and for many reasons above and beyond weight loss.

And those intangibles are lining up. Waking up in the morning raring to go without coffee or any other stimulant is a gift. Finding myself out and about enjoying time with the Cute Man and not constantly thinking about food and worrying about when I can next get something to eat or at least a latte is a gift. Walking into a pie shop and being able to look around with curiosity and appreciate the sights and smells without feeling tortured or powerless to resist is a gift. Looking in the mirror and seeing clear eyes, clear skin peering back at me is a gift. I could go on and on…

Numbers on a scale can be fun to look at and give an inkling of some of the progress that is taking place. But it’s not the whole story and shouldn’t be barometer of success. It’s just data: neither good nor bad. It’s the (usually too much) meaning we ascribe to it that has the power to lift us up or tear us down. So, today is a good day in my journey to better health and a higher quality of life. I’m thrilled to already be reaping the benefits of this way of life.

That all being said, I was going to quantify all the little ways I intend to tweak things in order to spur things along. I certainly could do that – maybe eliminate the bits of cheese or fruit I “indulge” in from time to time. Or perhaps it’s the almond flour creations that are causing the slow down… But then I remember, it’s about raising my quality of life. Nowhere is it written that it has to be a perfect plan to get perfect results. Each day that I choose to treat my body well is a successful day. Each month that I see myself moving towards my goals is a successful month, whether it shows on the scale, measuring tape, or pants size. As long as the choices I make are steeped in love and the desire to take the very best care of myself, I can declare my plan a success.

This is not to say that I’m never going to change things up or try different approaches. I think that kind of adaptation is important. The food thing is working for me right now so that’s not something I’m going to mess with too much. There’s more to eating “right” than perfect macro-nutrient ratios. I love what I’m eating and it’s making me feel great! However, I am starting to focus more on the movement side of the equation. Now that my energy levels are rising, I’m excited to start working out more intensely. While walking and yoga are enjoyable and definitely a good start, I’m looking to take it up a notch. I not only want to lose weight but look and feel strong and capable. I started a high intensity interval training (HIIT) class last week and I think that will help me along towards those goals. I’ll have the class each week at work (early morning class – that NEVER would have happened before) plus one workout on my own.

The most important lesson I’ve found is that it’s incredibly key to focus on the positive – what benefits am I seeing every day – rather than harping on how things could be going better or faster. In the end, I have no control over results, really. What I can control is how I choose to live each day and how I choose to look at my life and actions. I choose happiness, gratitude, and respect for all I’ve done to turn my life around.

Amelia's Food Evolution

2011-06-13T12:49:00.002-04:00

Weight Watchers.
Nutrisystem.
Jenny Craig.
Low Carb.
Intuitive Eating.
Health at Every Size.
Gluten Free.
The Metabolism Miracle.
The Paleo Solution.

To say I’ve been searching all my life for the best way to eat/live to lose weight and be healthy for life is an understatement. I have tried almost everything. Throughout my dieting sojourns, I have learned a great deal. My understanding of nutrition and activity’s effect on my weight and health has evolved over this time. Recently, I’ve read a couple books that have truly blown my mind and helped me turn everything I thought I knew on its head: Why We Get Fat and The Paleo Solution.

While following the Metabolism Miracle, most recently, I did extremely well on the lowest carb stage but ran into a plateau when I moved to eating a serving of carbs every 4-5 hours as instructed. I liked having more carbs but felt that eating on such a schedule was a little artificial. Right at this time, I happened to read about an eating style called Paleo on a new blog started by an online friend, Sally: Paleo Pleasures. At first, I thought that nixing pretty much all processed foods including grains, seed oils, dairy, legumes, and sugar seemed impossibly strict and dismissed it as out of hand. However, the more it kept popping up, the more intrigued I became.

Finally, I sat down and downloaded The Paleo Solution to my kindle app. I could not put it down. This guy (Robb Wolf) was talking to ME. So much of what he was talking about overlapped with what I had learned in Why We Get Fat (sugar/carbs are the culprit in weight gain and things like heart disease, not saturated fat). I was already sold on that point: looking at the science, it was impossible to deny that fat cannot be stored without being in the presence of insulin, which is secreted in response mostly to carbs. OK… But the Paleo Solution took it one step further. The quality of the food is just as important, if not more so than the macronutrients (carbs, fat, protein). In fact, many Paleo folks are not particularly low carb: fruit and starchy tubers like yams/sweet potatoes are perfectly fine. However, if one is trying to lose weight, it’s generally understood that the carb content needs to stay low while that goal is on the table.

I finally had a rationale to help explain why the traditional dieting paradigm wasn’t working for me (or most people, for that matter). Grains and legumes contain many anti-nutrients that are the plant’s natural defense system. Those defenses wreak havoc on our digestive system as cause a myriad of problems in ways one wouldn’t even necessarily suspect (the damage doesn’t always show up as GI issues). Many auto-immune conditions have been linked to this issue. The most notable being Celiac, which is quite obviously tied to gluten consumption, but almost every other autoimmune condition can be helped by adopting this diet. Dairy, I knew was an issue for me, but now I understood why the lactose (milk sugar) and casein (milk protein) were problematic. I have since discovered that I can tolerate high fat dairy items that are low in those two components like heavy cream, butter, a little aged cheese, and yogurt.

Seed oils like soybean, corn, and even the vaulted canola oils are all modern concoctions that simply didn’t exist until we had the industrialization needed to refine these products. They are very delicate and easily oxidize in the blood stream causing systemic inflammation and a cascade of medical issues. Yes, the very “heart healthy” oils we’ve been told to use instead of real butter, lard, and tallow are causing much of the disease of civilization. I’ve had to do a lot of work to un-learn my fear of fat, particularly saturated fat. Coconut oil is now my friend. Olive oil is still good to use, but mostly on raw items because it too can oxidize if heated too much.

To combat the inflammatory seed oils and other high levels of Omega 6 fats that are abundant in our food supply, it’s important to minimize those as much as possible and off-set it with Omega 3s. We’ve been eating a lot more wild caught salmon and other fish as well as enjoying lots of free range eggs. Fish oil capsules are a daily habit, but I'm about to switch to fermented cod liver oil, per some great info from The Healthy Skeptic. Grass-fed beef is also higher in Omega 3s than its conventionally grain fed counterparts. It may be a bit pricer, but it is sooooo much better. I’ve actually started eating beef jerky, it’s so good. First time EVER!

The Paleo approach is very much based on looking at how our hunter-gatherer ancestors ate/lived before the relatively recent advent of agriculture (in an evolutionary sense). This argument is interesting to me, but not at all the focus in my mind. There is too much wiggle room for argument concerning what they actually ate/did and how we can best emulate it in our modern world. To me, it’s a thought experiment but my rationale comes mostly from the practical evidence that this type of eating/living works best for me right here, right now. I do not feel good when I eat processed food, for sure. Now, I understand why and what I can do about changing the way I source, prepare, and enjoy my food.

I thought this transition might cause some strife with the Cute Man. It IS a big change, after all. However, he’s been 100% supportive and super appreciative of the uptick in fresh homemade food. He is not completely Paleo himself, enjoying his brown rice and raisin bran as usual. He loves pretty much everything I cook, though, and is thrilled that we’re both getting healthier. Over the past few months, including pre-Paleo days, he’s lost over 50 lbs and I’ve lost about 25.

So far, it’s only been a couple months of eating this way. There seems be a vibrant online community with tons of great recipes so I have little fear of getting bored (see my “favorite places” on the right for links to great recipe sites and more). I’ve also been able to avoid the whole “I feel so deprived because I can’t have that” syndrome. I just don’t think of that way. I eat the stuff that makes me feel good. I’m my own boss – I can eat whatever I want to, really. The couple times I’ve deviated have left me feeling sluggish and exhausted. I’m sure there will be times when those effects will be worth it, but for the most part, I’d rather feel as good as I do eating Paleo foods.

So, as usual, I'm a work in progress but feeling so incredibly thankful that I've been able to implement these changes in my life.

Karma Yoga - Love Drop Style

2011-04-04T12:45:00.000-04:00

Selfless service is one type of yoga that resonates with me deeply. One way I’ve found to work Karma Yoga into my life is to participate in Love Drop. This amazing non-profit works to make a difference is one specific individual or family’s life each month. It is so great to see the immediate impact your help can make.

Hey guys! The Love Drop team is at it again! Last month they gave over $5,000 worth of cash and goods to their recipient, Katie, who had been battling a couple of brain tumors over the years, and it culminated with a surprise gift of 15+ friends showing up at her house to celebrate with her. It was awesome. You can watch how it all went down here.

This month they start all over again and grow support for the Kahlen's - a family who has been hit hard by the economy, and by their daughter's serious medical condition, tuberous sclerosis. In addition to financial assistance, they're planning to unite the artistic community to help support Kent's glassmaking work.

Want to help? Here are two ways you can participate:

1. Give $1.00 - This is the best way to help out and join their team at the same time.

2. Donate a piece of art - They will be hosting an auction this month, and would love to feature your artwork in it. Proceeds go to help the Kahlen's this month, and is a great way to promote your work :)

We'll let you know how it goes! Thanks everyone.

Metabolism Miracle: Starting Step 2

2011-03-28T12:36:00.001-04:00

Deciding to try out the Metabolism Miracle was a big leap of faith for me. In some ways, it represented a return to dieting or some sort of admission that intuitive eating didn’t work. However, when I took a step back from those fears, I was able to see it for what it was: just some good info about how to even out my blood sugar to curb not only my food cravings and halt/reverse runaway weight gain, but also my rollercoaster mood swings. I knew that something had to be out of whack. When I read MM, I realized this was it. My insulin was off. Simple as that! I was missing a crucial piece of the puzzle. It wasn’t that I was stuffing my face all the time (which I knew I wasn’t), it was how my body was reacting to the type of food I was eating and when I was eating it. Light bulb!

I was afraid that Step 1 of MM was going to feel too much like a diet. I didn’t want to return to the mentality of deprivation that came along with many such “plans” in the past. That did not manifest at all during the 8 week period. It just felt great to be fueling my body with what made it feel good. I kept a positive spin on how I viewed my choices: now that I had the information I had been lacking, I could choose not only on the basis of taste, but on how my body responds to each food. Why would I want to eat something that made me feel bad? Having this knowledge gave my inner intuitive eater a boost. I knew before that I wasn’t feeling right eating what I was eating; I just wasn’t sure how to fix it. I tried gluten free; I tried cutting out the caffeine. I just didn’t know what the deal was. I had an inkling that carbs might be the problem, but I thought people who cut them out completely were unrealistic and setting themselves up for failure. Therefore, I ignored my intuitive sense and kept going.

Until I stumbled on MM. Suddenly, it all made sense and came together in a way that seemed not only livable but if it worked, would greatly improve my quality of life. I still don’t believe that I could live my whole life avoiding almost all carbs. I am so happy to know that isn’t even necessary. Carbs are delicious and are a great source of fuel for the body. So now, moving on to Step 2, it is great to know that they are back. Having a serving of carbs every few hours throughout the day will help me keep my blood sugar steady while allowing me to enjoy a wider variety of foods. I have always “needed” to eat every few hours, getting cranky if I went over 4 hours between meals or snacks. Now I know why that happened and how to prevent it: eat! Some people trying to eat this way are worried about watching the clock. I have no such concerns. I have always felt the need to eat like this, I just now know to keep the carbs to one serving at each meal/snack and to keep the type of carbs on the lower end of the glycemic index (think whole grain as opposed to white versions of most foods). The piece about eating right when you get up and right before bed blew me away at first, but now makes perfect sense. How nice to have your bedtime snack “mandated”!

So as of right now, having completed 8 weeks of Step 1 and moving on to Step 2, I feel fantastic. I cannot help but be pleased to have let go of 16 pounds of unneeded insulation and four inches around my middle :) I’m not on a lose weight quick scheme. I’m on a help my body return to its natural balance plan. I do expect to release more weight on this journey. I know I’m carrying more than my body needs to function optimally. But how much that may be or when it will happen, is not my main concern. I have faith that I will know when that point is for me. And then, I’ll move to Step 3…

Yoga Teacher Training

2011-03-16T18:06:00.001-04:00

The opportunity to participate in yoga teacher training this year has been a transformative experience for me. When my teacher, Martha, approached me to join the class, I was overwhelmed first with surprise, then gratitude, and finally, not a little bit of trepidation. The thought that she saw the potential in me to teach yoga myself was a shock; it was like she saw right into my secret hopes and dreams – the ones I was afraid to admit even to myself, let alone pursue at the time.

For the past ten years, yoga has been an anchor for me throughout both the hectic and calm periods of my life. I discovered yoga at one of the most challenging times in my life while teaching middle school in Northeast DC. My friend and co-worker was training to become a yoga instructor and offered free lessons to teachers once a week to practice her craft. It was a life raft in a sea of stress. From then on, I was hooked, even pursuing work-study options at a studio so that I could swap my time instead of money for the ability to take classes. When my career choices took me to my current employer, I was overjoyed to find that yoga classes were offered at an affordable price right on-site at lunchtime. I have taken advantage of this benefit for the past four years, never losing sight of what a gift it truly is.

At the time Martha first brought up the possibility of joining her teacher training course, I was at a crossroads in my life. I had recently given up the pursuit of dieting to lose weight and was working on making peace with my body and healing my battered self image. I was making progress but was still mired in self-defeating thoughts about not being the “right kind” of person to be a yoga instructor. What if the teacher training was too physically demanding for me? What if, once certified, my students questioned my legitimacy based on how I look? In the end, I decided to take a leap of faith and trust that this was the right thing at the right time for me. I could not be happier with the decision.

Throughout the training, my understanding of yoga has grown and evolved. Although I always knew that yoga was much more than just the asana postures, I must admit that my interest had mostly focused on the physical, mental, and emotional benefits I received during classes. I didn’t really delve into the spiritual aspects or even seek out chanting or mediation on my own. Teacher training has not only broadened my undertanding yoga but has also introduced me to the power of positive thinking. This, in particular, has helped me tremendously in my personal life. Anytime I find myself dwelling on the negative, I can hear the narrator from the Yoga Life CD telling me to change those thoughts around before they begin to spiral. I have been working to cultivate a more satvic approach to life, which has encouraged me to be more circumspect and balanced in my interactions with others.

I also am extremely grateful to have participated in this training with such a varied, compassionate, and supportive group of people. Learning alongside Luke, Satya Deva, Ananda, and Ram has not only been a joy but also an eye-opening experience in seeing the full range of possibilities of teaching yoga to different populations. Luke’s work with the elderly and those with physical limitations has shown me that yoga is not only for the young and extremely fit; it’s for anyone who is open to exploring its benefits. Satya Deva’s classes with his students really illustrate the power of yoga to reach even those you might least expect to want to sit still or have the attention span to focus the mind on asana for an hour or more – yoga can be for everyone (including teenagers!) Ananda’s full-hearted compassion for those she works with is heart-warming and an excellent example of how to share ones love for humanity through our practice and teaching. Listening to Ram talk about his gym based classes gives a real-world perspective on one option for teaching in the future; I was pleasantly surprised to learn about the apparent flexibility and creativity he is able to employ in his classes within the gym culture as well as his ability to appeal not only to the stereotypical yoga types at the gym, but also some of the more muscle-bound weight lifters and others you might not expect.

My mission going forward is to bring this deeper understanding with me to each of the classes I will teach. I now have a base of knowledge gleaned from study coupled with first-hand interactions with my fellow trainees and wonderful instructor to guide and support me every time I step on the mat to share my love of yoga with my students. This training has imparted me with a firm grasp of the asana to competently instruct the class on how to do each pose as well as the benefits and contraindications for each. Even more importantly, I feel empowered to take the experience to a deeper level in a way that gives those in my classes a glimpse of the greater meaning of yoga along with the confidence and information they need to practice yoga in the best, safest way for them to feel great about themselves and their practice of yoga.

Another 180?

2011-02-14T12:33:00.002-05:00

Weight Watchers junky to Intuitive Eating purist to the Metabolism Miracle… Have I lost my mind and succumbed to a fad diet? No… please hear me out…

I’ve talked a lot about how dieting has not worked for me (to lose weight or in terms of my mental health). I was thrilled to discover intuitive eating and have gained a great deal of peace through that type of approach to food. It feels great to no longer be a slave to cravings and it still amazes me how easily I can decide I’m full and just stop. No big deal! But somewhere there was a disconnect – if I was doing such a good job of tuning into my hunger, etc. why was I continuing to gain weight steadily? I understood the rebound affect after stopping with the restriction, but after almost two years, there has been no end in sight. I am not afraid of being fat, per se but there came a point where I came to terms with the fact that I just don’t feel good and my health was starting to be affected.

I felt lost – not wanting to return to calorie counting but not really knowing what else to do. That’s when I discovered the Metabolism Miracle. I know it sounds faddy and I really wish it had a less sensational kind of name so I wouldn’t feel so foolish. I heard an interview with the author in a podcast and what she had to say stopped me in my tracks. The premise of the book and of the author, Diane Kress’s work as a dietitian, is that about half of those who are overweight have a problem with insulin. This manifests itself in conditions (when actually diagnosed!) like insulin resistance, metabolic syndrome, PCOS, and eventually, Type 2 diabetes. The symptoms manifest at different times in our lives for different people. Some might start having issues early in life, others not until they get gestational diabetes during pregnancy, or even not until menopause. Regardless of when symptoms arrive, all of these folks have what she calls Metabolism B. Men can have this too, I just tuned in more to the female life stages since I am one :)

People with this type of metabolism have trouble losing weight and/or keeping it off, tend to gain weight around their middle, and often suffer from mood swings (among many other symptoms). But there is a way to see it in blood work as well – fasting glucose over 85 (mine was last checked at 98), history of low-normal blood pressure earlier in life which creeps up to borderline high/high as the symptoms manifest (that’s me!), high “bad” cholesterol (yep, although I also have high “good” cholesterol…), and either really low or really high triglycerides (I have the latter). Trying to combat this by merely limiting saturated and trans fats won’t help because the real culprit is the carbohydrates – the nutrient that sends people with this predisposition into a blood sugar/insulin tailspin that leads right to fat gain – either in our blood or on our bodies (or both!)

Because our bodies are going haywire by overproducing insulin we wind up in a cycle of high to low blood sugar which leads us back to carbs and more carbs just to try to make ourselves feel better; when your blood sugar drops low, you get a signal to follow the quickest route to relief – fast carbs! Add that to the fact that if we don’t eat carbs often enough, our liver will release glycogen stores into our bloodstream to keep us going (which also sets the insulin response in motion). So we’re still getting fatter when we DON”T EAT. This is crazy making, when you think about it.

Diane Kress explains the science behind this response pretty well but I don’t even need all that to recognize the pattern in my own life. This totally explains why I get hungry again quickly after eating quick carbs, why I’m cranky as hell if I don’t eat every few of hours, why I get dead tired in the middle of the afternoon and need coffee just to make it through the rest of the day, and why I’m normally NOT hungry in the morning (my liver’s been dumping sugar into my bloodstream for hours since it’s been so long since I last ate – sometimes since 7pm the night before – over 12 hours!)

So what can I do about it? Well, her plan is pretty genius and completely doable. There is an initial low carb phase where you let your liver and pancreas (that releases the insulin) rest. That is 8 weeks and is low-carb, not no-carb. I’m a couple weeks in and it’s not that tough. I get to put my intuitive eating skills to use – there’s very little counting. It’s basically just a way to treat my body well. Those carby foods weren’t making me feel good so it’s not such a big challenge to avoid them for awhile. I cannot express how much better I’ve been feeling in terms of energy level and mood lately. And it’s a beautiful thing to know that this isn’t forever, that I will get more of those foods back when I’m ready for them.

The big difference between this program and those like Atkins or South Beach is the idea that the important thing is to keep a steady stream of low impact carbs coming to keep the insulin response in check and block the self-feeding mechanism from the liver so that it doesn’t kick in and exacerbate the insulin problem. After the first phase where you’re blocking this cycle by just not ever having enough carbs at a time to trigger an insulin release or build up the sugar stores in the liver that would allow the self-feeding to happen, the second phase switches the focus to controlling insulin by giving the body controlled amounts of carbs on a regular basis to keep the system humming and on track without over stimulating the pancreas to over-release insulin. Basically, it involves never going more than 5 hours without a serving of carbs (each time you eat carbs it’s a single serving of low impact carbs like whole grain as opposed to white, etc.) She even advocates a snack if you wake up in the night to prevent the overnight release. At the very least, we should eat one serving right before bed and shortly after getting up. It is so counter to what we’ve always been taught (don’t eat after 8!) but makes a lot of sense to me now. The final phase is maintenance or simply a plan to live your life after the goal of losing weight is off the table. It’s the same as phase 2, but includes more carbs (the amount is based on your personal stats).

I really feel like I’ve found the missing piece. I don’t see this as a return to dieting but rather a way to treat a medical condition I didn’t even understand I had! Looking at my lab work, I can see that I was on this train and that if I didn’t stop the cycle, I’d be diagnosed with pre-diabetes and most certainly put on meds for my high cholesterol sooner rather than later. Having this information makes me feel so empowered with a feeling like I’m finally on the right track. I don’t feel restricted or deprived, I feel free knowing that I’m finally addressing the root problem, not just the symptom (the weight).

Learn more on the book’s Amazon page (you can “look inside” to get a good bit of text before committing to buy it) and the Metabolism Miracle website.

Anyone else heard of this approach?

Love Drop for Ethan and Alex

2011-02-02T11:22:00.002-05:00

Last month the Love Drop Team raised over $2,500 and boxes after boxes of goods and items to help Jill and her family get through a hard time in their lives (homelessness & financial worries). We did this in 1 month. All 400+ people came together and gave a few bucks each to impact one family's life. If you participated in this, THANK YOU. The final presentation can be seen here. (It's pretty cool!)

This month we start all over again and circle around 2 beautiful kids with severe autism -- Ethan & Alex. Our goal is to raise $13,000 so we can get them a highly trained service dog. And if possible, two iPads so they can speak again (they can't even say "I love you" to their mom -- these iPads allow them to get their voice back).

Here are 3 ways you can help:
1. Join the team - This is the best way to help out, and all it takes is $1.00.
2. Join our blogger network - Blog about our Love Drops each month like I am :) It's easy, it's rewarding, and it REALLY helps spread the word (which in turn helps our families). Love Drop will give you all the content you need.
3. Give a gift or provide a service - Gift cards (iTunes would be great!), two iPads (so we can help the boys speak again!), and anything else you think could help out.

A Little Slice of Heaven

2011-01-07T17:06:00.010-05:00

My holiday gift this year from the Cute Man is AMAZING!

Check out my shelves!

The chalkboard!

One of the collages he made for me!

My marathon medals!

Even this cool Alice in Wonderland poster!

That's (one of the many many reasons) why he got this:

Love Drop!

2011-01-07T15:48:00.004-05:00

What Love Drop is

Love Drop is a micro-giving network of people who unite as a community to help one person or family a month. By subscribing to the team for as low as $1, they make it easy for their members to change lives in a fun and tangible way. Each month Love Drop delivers a unique combination of unexpected financial gifts, personal encouragement and the support of local and online communities.

Every month the Love Drop community comes together to raise as much support and awareness as we possibly can. It starts on the website - LoveDrop.us, gets spread across our entire network of blogs, continues through the forums where all our members are brainstorming, and finally lands on the front steps of our recipients. Literally.

At the end of every month, Nate and J$ show up in the town the people live in to deliver this pile of goodness. The money, the gifts, the services, everything! It's all on film, and it all ends with an amazing outpouring of love. And then it starts all over again the next month. Help them, and their flagship partner, Kona Grill, make this drop in Chicago amazing!

Jill's intro video

How You Can Help

This project is all about coming up with creative and fun ways to make a difference for someone. Here's what you can do to make our first Love Drop special for Jill and her family:
• Join the team - Become a member by paying whatever you want. Even $1.00.
• Join our blogger network - Blog about our Love Drops once a month! It's easy, it's rewarding, and it REALLY helps spread the word (which in turn helps the families!). Love Drop will give you all the content you need.
• Give a gift or provide a service - Gift cards, household goods, football cards/jerseys for the boys, web design services, pampering gifts for Jill, etc. (email all ideas/questions to team (at) lovedrop.us, and we'll make it happen)

Finding Contentment

2011-01-07T13:39:00.005-05:00

Seeing this ad for Weight Watchers at Work in my inbox today made me sad. My heart breaks a little every time I think of someone else going down the road that, in the end, led to nothing but frustration and distrust of my body. What’s even worse is that I’m on the committee that helps shape and promote these types of initiatives. Yes, really.

When I first heard this was coming, it was pretty much a done deal. It was happening. I had a choice: rail against it or acquiesce. I’m glad that I took a moment to think before sharing my reaction. My knee-jerk defiance would not have convinced anyone. So, I chose to share my concerns but not let it take over the whole meeting. So here we are.

The most important lesson I’ve learned since deciding once and for all to never again restrict food intake or exercise for the purpose of losing weight is that everyone is entitled to body autonomy. I now know, on a fundamental level, that no one else’s opinions or proscriptions for me or my body are as important as my own. I have the right to listen and incorporate or reject anything. The flip side of that, of course, is that I must recognize that right in others as well.

There is a large demand for these types of programs and this is the result. Personally, it’s hard for me to fathom that the low cost yoga, Pilates, Zumba, and other fitness classes are not exactly full to capacity, but people are clamoring to give big chunks their money away to a big corporation to provide them the magic answer to health. But that is my opinion, and just as I’m entitled to it, so are those who want to give this a shot. Who am I to tell anyone what to do with their body?

So, I’ll continue the revolution in my own quiet way. I share my perspective with anyone who wants to hear it and shut the hell up when it’s clearly not wanted. I am no evangelist. All I can do is find the right path for me and surround myself with supportive (if not always completely like-minded) people. It’s not my job to tell anyone else how to live.

In my yoga teacher training class, they call me Santosha – which means Contentment. I picked it because it sounded pretty and stood for something I’d like to cultivate in my life. And it’s working… the more I let go of things I can’t control (like trying to change my body or the choice of others to do Weight Watchers), the happier I am. I enjoy taking care of myself in many ways, including doing yoga on a close-to-daily basis; a daily home practice is something I could never quite make myself do, before. Funny how when I stopped trying to make myself do it, I found that I truly wanted to do it. These things become easier now that I do them out of love, rather than in the pursuit of some quantifiable goal. There is no longer that feeling of discouragement that comes when the scale doesn’t move or inexplicably goes up. Who cares? How does doing yoga make me feel, right now? Do I feel more alive and in touch with my body and my soul? Good, then my purpose was achieved.

So that is my wish and intention for my world – Contentment. I hope that whatever path you choose to take, it brings you peace and self-acceptance.

Navigating Home Ownership

2010-09-21T17:18:00.002-04:00

First off, I have to say that I’m in love with our house. It’s everything and more we dreamed about during those long months of preparation. But man, does buying a home do a number on the finances. Since paying off my credit card debt and starting my method of using my rewards card for all my spending, I’ve loosened up on the day to day budgeting. It worked well for a while and was quite freeing. I felt I’d earned it. But now, with all the little things that come up both for myself and the house? I’m way off track. I have to come clean… Over the past few months both before and after the home purchase, I’ve been raiding my savings like there’s no tomorrow. It boils down to overspending – nothing huge, just inattention to the details, giving in to immediate gratification, and just plain impulse buying. It’s time to buckle down and pay attention!

Cute Man and I like to keep our finances separate. It’s not about trust, it’s about control. It’s just easier to keep track of one set of in and outflows and just negotiate the common expenses. This is what works for us. Now, with the house, we have had to realign who pays what and sorting out all that has really been a reality check. The bills! They’re killer! Savings, what’s that??? After the panic subsided, we came up with a plan that will keep us on track and allow us to continue saving a little bit, at least. As long as I keep a handle on my discretionary spending, I’ll be OK. I’m lucky as hell to still HAVE any discretionary spending money at all. It just has to remain a very finite amount if we’re to stay on track with our short and long term goals.

If I was able to keep up my debt repayment while working at the salon for peanuts per hour (with Cute Man’s major support!) I can do this. I have the incredible perk of being able to go home and enjoy the fruits of all this effort every single night. It is truly a wonderful thing to go home to our house every evening and spend time with Cute Man. It’s nice to have a tangible reminder of what we’re working toward – maintaining and building our happy life and future together.

One Month to House

2010-07-26T12:22:00.004-04:00

In one month from today, Cute Man and I will close on our new house, take possession of the keys, and start the next phase of our life together. After 6 years living in our basement abode, I really understand the concept of Home not being about the four walls and the stuff inside it. No matter where we live, home will always be where Cute Man and I are together. So moving into this new house is about so much more than materialism. It represents the culmination of an extreme amount of effort and accomplishment for us both.

When we got together, I was a complete financial mess. It was so bad that I didn’t even know how bad it was. It took 4 years to pay off my $20,000 debt and still longer to get myself on an even keel – living below my means has never come naturally! Even now, I struggle to keep focused on my goals and not overspend. Cute Man, on the other hand, has always had a firm grasp of his financial situation, never overspending, but living paycheck to paycheck nonetheless in those early days. Home ownership was something neither of us could really visualize.

But here we are. Learning to save has been the biggest change for both of us. I am a huge fan of the automatic savings plans over at ING. Each check, money for emergencies and for upcoming house expenses is automatically deducted from checking and moved to my savings accounts. I don’t need to remember, it just happens. Cute Man likes to manage it manually, but we both have found a way to make it work. Sure, I’ve had to dip into that fund many a time for unplanned expenses and even just plain old overspending. But being my own safety net is gratifying in itself. I don’t need to carry a balance and pay interest for the privilege of goofing up from time to time.

All this is not to say that we’re not psyched out of our minds that we’ll be moving into our very own brand new home! Although it’s not the most important thing, it is fantastic and fun to think about all the space and general newness of it all. I dream about our granite countertops at night! And that’s OK. As the date approaches, I get more and more excited and impatient. The time period leading up to closing is going to be jam packed for both of us so I’m hoping that will serve to distract me a little. I never would want to wish any part of my life away – I’m sure we’ll look back at our time in our basement apartment fondly someday! “Those were the days, when life was easy and uncomplicated…” Yeah, right.

So, one month from tonight Cute Man and I will be picnicking in our new living room on Chinese takeout and sleeping on an air mattress – at Home.

Why am I Gluten Free and Should I Stay that Way?

2010-06-11T14:33:00.002-04:00

When trying out a gluten elimination diet, a 60 day trial is usually what is recommended. Well, it’s been 60 days. I’ve found avoiding gluten to be not as difficult as I would have imagined. The only time I really freaked out was at the wedding last weekend. I was cranky and hungry when we got to the reception and consciously made the choice to dig into the bread basket. That night I had a roll and a half and about a cup of spaghetti. Not exactly a “breaking my diet” binge. I didn’t feel any sort of urge to go all out or overindulge since I’d already given myself permission to “eat what I wanted”. And although there was lovely wedding cake, donuts, and other dessert-goodness, I was simply too full by that point to be interested. This all just reinforced to me that avoiding gluten was a choice I was making to see if it would improve how I felt, not a diet. I had none of the diet-breaking symptoms. This was fantastic news. One thing I did notice was that I craved a bagel the next morning when I smelled Cute Man toasting one. I decided to not go for it, then, so it definitely wasn’t an all-encompassing undeniable urge. I’ve remained gluten free since and it’s been fine.

My question, though, is: what is the purpose? Am I achieving what I sought out to do? I reviewed my first post about going GF from back in April and realized that I haven’t seen any improvement in the physical symptoms I described. The biggest is the heartburn and that is still raging, I must say. TUMS remains my friend and I’m living with it. The other things I mentioned all remain the same, too. With the gluten free trial period completed, I would expect to see some sort of difference. I realize that these things don’t happen right away, but after two months, I’d think I’d see something. So, it’s really an opportunity cost thing. For the inconvenience of avoiding this food, what I am getting? Nothing really that I can see.

I also need to balance these health concerns with my dieting history and make sure I’m not doing it in order to somehow continue to restrict my eating. I must admit that I hoped that avoiding wheat would have a “happy side-effect” of not exactly weight loss, but maybe leave me less bloated and more comfortable in my clothes… Well, the bridesmaid dress was definitely tighter last week than it was before the GF experiment. I’m not beating myself up about that or anything, it’s just a fact. So that hope (whether it was a healthy one or not) went out the window, too. As a result, I feel like I need to return to Intuitive Eating basics and stop the GF restriction at this time. It’s not helping me and may actually be triggering a bit of my ‘fantasy of finding the answer to my weight related woes’ issue. I can say that I’m fine with being fat all I want, but it’s a hard road to follow within our culture. I recognize that dieting has never had a lasting positive impact on my life but making peace with my body is an ongoing process.

Moving forward, I’m continuing to focus on treating my body well. I’ve been upping my yoga practice and enjoying it at home more often as well as my classes at work. I want to add more walking in my daily life but I’m otherwise pleased with my ability and inclination toward activity (it’s no longer something I should do, rather it’s something I want to do because it feels good). This is a huge shift for me! I also know that keeping processed foods to a minimum helps me feel better, too, so that will continue. As for the continuing heartburn, it is what it is. For now, I think medicating with TUMS isn’t the end of the world. I’ll mention it to my doctor the next time I’m there and see if she has any ideas. It’s time to give myself a break and just trust I know how to feed myself: Eat when hungry, stop when full. I can do that!

Why Incentive and Penalty Programs to Encourage Health are a Bad Idea

2010-06-10T16:03:00.003-04:00

Over at Budgets are Sexy, J. Money brought up the subject of Employer and/or health insurance incentive/penalty programs. It really got me fired up! My comment got so long, I decided to bring the discussion over here.

The problem comes up with who decides what’s healthy and how to incentivize “healthy” behaviors. When you bring up something like smoking, it’s seems easy and kind of clear cut. Smoking is indeed 100% a choice. It’s good to not smoke. However, something like obesity is much more nuanced. How are we going to police that and do we really want to?

Being overweight is not a behavior, it’s a descriptor or you could say, a symptom. Same with high blood pressure, etc. Things like the kind of food you eat and exercise you do are behaviors. As an aside, we all know thin people who can eat “whatever” they want and never seem to gain weight (maybe like my friend J. Money?) We also know fat people who have dieted their whole lives who nonetheless, remain fat (me). Somehow, the former “makes sense” and we can assimilate that info but the latter somehow means that the person must be lying about their habits or “not trying hard enough”. And on the flipside, what about all the people training for marathons well into middle age and “draining” the health system with all their joint replacements and doctors visits? Somehow, pushing your body to the max is OK and dealing with all the injuries is a small price to pay for so-called “good” health. Not to really knock marathoners – I’ve completed 2 myself – shocking for a fat girl, but true. Was I being irresponsible to risk such an endeavor at my weight? Did anyone suggest that I might be a burden on the medical system? No, I got congratulated for my efforts. I’m making a point that it’s all about CHOICE – and who gets to decide which ones are good and bad. We do not want third parties deciding this stuff for us because in the end, it’s more about moral judgments than budgets and certainly more than actual real concern about health.

In any case, if we can agree that determining health can’t be as simple as looking at someone’s weight or BMI (which I hope we can!) do you really want to be turning in food diaries and tally sheets of your exercise to your employer or insurance company? As an individual, do you really want to give over that much info and control so that you can get a fair price for medical coverage? Should we really be penalizing those that need the most help? An example of a corporate wellness program I’m aware of is one rolled out by Whole Foods where they give an extra discount to employees who meet certain criteria (BMI, blood pressure, and cholesterol must be in the “normal” range) and are willing to share it with the company. Sounds great, right? But when you think about it, why wouldn’t you want to impede access to healthy food to the employees who are overweight, etc? Aren’t they the ones who (supposedly) need it the most? Who’s to say they won’t use that info to quietly weed out these “undesirable” employees?

As always, the devil’s in the details and I don’t think anything good can come from these types of programs when they’re tied to incentives or penalties. How about our private lives remain our private lives? How about we funnel public resources into making sure every family in America has food to eat? Grocery stores nearby that carry fresh produce? Bike paths and parks to encourage exercise for fun and socializing (moving your body isn't a punishment, it's fun, remember)? Money to fund quality school lunches, physical education, and ball parks for ALL students? How about we take worrying about “obesity” out of it? Don’t we all deserve to have access to healthy food and activities? Isn’t it good for EVERY body? We do not need to stigmatize people to get us (as a whole) to collectively do a better job of providing healthy options.

From a personal perspective, I work for an organization that offers an array of healthy workforce initiatives – yoga, pilates, and Zumba classes, seated upper body massages, and two fitness facilities – all onsite at reduced cost (the gyms are free). I don’t have to prove to anyone that I’m making progress or give them ANY personal info to take advantage of these things. Do they make me enjoy working where I do? Do they add to my quality of life? You bet. Do I feel pressured to use them under threat of losing privileges? Nope. I think it’s a fallacy and insulting to suggest that people just don’t know what’s good for them and we need to give out gold stars and detentions to get it into their heads. Taking good care of yourself takes time and it takes money. Providing that as a society to people will do far more to improve our overall health as opposed to creating invasive programs to police our personal lives.

Wedding Preparations

2010-05-27T14:43:00.002-04:00

Nothing combines personal finance and body image issues better than being in a wedding. The bride-to-be is one of my dearest friends and I am very excited to be there with her next week. Even though I’m not the one getting married, there’s still a ton to do just to get myself into wedding-worthy shape.

I’m not talking starvation dieting to look my “best” for the big day (I didn’t even pull that crap for my OWN wedding, thank goodness). I’m more talking about all those little things that add up to feeling and looking great while standing up there beaming with joy for your friend. Those things take time, money, and add up to a healthy dose of body confidence when you know you’ll be seeing lots of old friends, acquaintances, and possibly former nemeses.

The first step to feeling like a million bucks involves a trip to the spa. I was thrilled to find a daily deal on Living Social for $200 worth of services for $100. This is a God-send. I will be maxing out this deal on Saturday getting my fingers and toes done, my brows waxed, and a massage. Although no one will see that last one, there’s nothing like a good rub-down to help work out the kinks and leave me feeling ready to face it all.

The next part of the equation involves foundational garments – I will be rocking my Spanx and some kick-ass toeless hose under my bridesmaid and rehearsal dinner attire. I generally don’t have much patience for those types of things on the daily but for an event, they are a big part of feeling sleek and smooth while standing up straight in front of people.

And most importantly, there are the dresses. The bride graciously let us pick the styles of our various dresses dictating only the color choices, which are lovely and flattering on everybody (lapis with wisteria trim aka dark and light purple). I’m pretty sure we all picked the long strapless one with some sort of shrug. I was afraid that it wouldn’t fit given the fact that I bought it back in October or November of last year and I’ve been making my peace with food with some serious gusto. But all is well and it will be fine. I got some lovely silvery-gray shoes to go along with it and we’re good to go. I also snagged myself a deal on a smokin’ rehearsal dinner dress from Kiyonna. There’s nothing like a new dress! It arrived yesterday but I have yet to try it on. I’m hoping it’s as fabulous and it looks online.

So, I pretty much have everything in place to feel terrific going into this affair. I managed to do much of this on a relatively tight budget ($100 for the spa, $85 for the rehearsal dress – gotta love coupon codes, and $150 for the shoes – well, a girl’s got to splurge somewhere and I’m serious about comfort when it comes to my feet! I can’t remember the cost of the bridesmaid dress, but it was extremely reasonable. I think I’ll try to find a cute little silver bag to go with the shoes and maybe some earrings or some other inexpensive jewelry to complement the dress. All in all, not bad at all considering I will feel completely prepped and great going into the weekend of wedding fun. That will free me up to bask in happiness for my friend and her groom without worrying too much about myself. And that is the best deal of all.

Me? A Yoga Teacher?

2010-05-14T15:44:00.000-04:00

Yoga is everywhere for me this week. It comes up in conversation, in the blogs I read, and of course, in yoga class (well, duh!) The biggest yoga-related event was an invitation from one of my teachers to join her yoga teacher training class. Immediately, the walls came up: I don’t have time, I don’t have the money... The main reason, though, was really: I’m not good enough.

I mean, yoga teachers are like all bendy and skinny and perfect, right? What do I really have to offer? I wondered what my teacher saw in me to lead her to invite me to join her class (it wasn’t a general invite to the class – she only teaches 4-6 people at a time). But from her point of view, I am just the sort of student she was looking for: someone who loves yoga and wants to share the benefits of it with others. Really, it’s that simple. Most people aren’t the “perfect” yoga-type. I know from my own experience that yoga has something to offer no matter what your physical abilities are. Maybe having a teacher who is not the perfect “yoga type” would help others see that in a very physical, no-we’re-not-just-saying-that way.

I have been lucky in my experience with yoga – the various teachers, studios, and classes at work have all been very inclusive. Any discomfort I’ve ever felt (which was extremely rare and fleeting) was in my own head, having to do with my own insecurities. But there’s nothing like trying to learn how to stand on your head to make you forget all that shit real fast!!! You’re too busy! But it’s not all flashy headstands (which I’m not currently doing as part of my practice) or fancy backbends. Yoga is more about being truly present in my body and enjoying it for what it CAN do in the moment, rather than what it can’t.

The class doesn’t start until September, so I have plenty of time to decide and save up the money, if it’s what I really want to do. Right now, it seems like I do. The opportunity is pretty incredible in that my teacher has offered me a partial scholarship to help make this possible. I can envision myself teaching a few classes at a studio or private sessions to individuals or small groups or maybe donating my time at a shelter. I’m not looking to this as a big money maker or anything. It’s more avocation than vocation. We’ll see if I’m still this pumped as decision time looms. I can be quite fickle sometimes!

In the meantime, I will work on my at-home practice. Carving out the time and choosing the mat over the couch is always a challenge. I very much look forward to the little “room of my own” awaiting me in our new house. The plan is to leave it almost completely bare, with just my mat, props, and laptop for music and/or yoga videos. There is just something incredibly appealing in having wide open space (as wide open as a tiny 3rd bedroom can be!) to just turn inward away from the myriad distractions of daily life and be with myself doing something that makes me feel good. I can’t wait!

Step by Step

2010-04-19T16:47:00.002-04:00

One lesson I’ve had to learn over and over again is to not try to do everything at once. I often get revved up and try to do a bunch of things at once. In the bad old days, it was mostly about food restriction and exercise in a weight loss attempt. While the goals have changed, the tendency to be overly gung-ho remains. Case in point: trying to cut out gluten and coffee while upping my yoga practice. All seem like great goals and really not that hard to do. But taken together, it’s a lot of change. I’m grateful that I caught my mistake within a few days and picked one thing to focus on: cutting out gluten.

I’m happy to report that it’s going well. I had a moment of doubt when Cute Man suggested Panera Bread for lunch while we were out on Saturday. I wondered if I could resist all that baked goodness. But then I thought to myself: it’s not about resisting anything. It wouldn’t kill me to have a piece of bread or anything else. However, I’m choosing to see what, if any, benefits there will be to avoiding gluten in my diet. It’s just an experiment and completely within the realm of personal choice (in this, I’m lucky – I know this is NOT a choice for those more adversely affected). That subtle shift in thinking made all the difference and I really enjoyed the salad and bag of chips I chose to have.

In a post that I happened upon today at The Simple Dollar, Trent talked about how most of us wind up taking 5 steps forward and 4 steps back when trying to make changes in our lives. The net result is 1 step forward, sure. But think of all the aggravation and hits to my confidence I could avoid by choosing to just do one thing at a time! That cuts down on a lot of feelings of failure and wasted energy. It doesn’t mean I’m giving up on reducing my dependence on caffeine or making my home yoga practice a daily habit. It means I’m focused on the big picture, realizing that self improvement isn’t a switch I can flip. It’s a work in progress.

I’m not giving myself hard and fast timelines on this. I’m going to do some periodic check-ins with myself to see how I’m feeling while avoiding gluten. When I decide to either continue with this indefinitely or decide it’s not for me, I’ll be able to move onto another goal.

Day 10 Gluten Free and Home Loan Approved!

2010-04-16T13:03:00.000-04:00

Yep. It’s official. The loan has been approved and things are chugging along. Home ownership here we come! Now, it’s pretty much a waiting game as they build our house to-be. The timeline is still July or August for move-in. I’m personally routing for July, not only because it’s sooner and I’m inpatient, but because August is going to be a busy month. I have our annual convention in San Diego, Cute Man has his college trip with the kiddos. However, he does have a week off that month so that could come in handy! Either way, it will be a wonderful kind of busy.

In other news, I’m doing well with avoiding gluten. I’m not finding it all that difficult. I think I can say that the heartburn is a bit better (though not totally gone). And for the record, I have NOT given up coffee. The second day of that resulted in a near meltdown so I decided to pick my battles. I have replaced the stuff at work that they provide with my own instant from Trader Joes that I use to make iced coffee. I think it’s less oily and/or acidic so the tummy is happier, in any case.

Since I was at Trader Joes, I did decide to try out some of the GF products. So far, the pancake mix is a hit. LOVED IT. Literally the best mix I’ve used. Not kidding. I’ve also tried the brown rice spaghetti, which was good – I rinsed it well, which helps. The rice mac and cheese was good but a little unsettling to the tummy – I think it has more real dairy in it than the other kind that I seemed to be able to eat without a problem. I will try it again with Lactaid and see if that helps. I’m not worrying too much about the casein right now. After the coffee debacle, I’m trying one thing at a time. Maybe I’ll do a test taking that out later on, if it still seems like it may be a problem.

That all being said, I don’t want to become dependant on substitutes. I really do want to work towards eating more whole foods that are naturally gluten free. However, it’s nice to know these comfort foods are there when/if I want them and that they’re actually tasty.

Today happens to be tough one for me in terms of body image (I think PMS is the culprit!) but I’m trying not to draw any conclusions based on that. I have these days every now and again (roughly once a month!) so I tend to just discount them entirely and wait it out. So overall, I’m feeling good about this gluten free experiment so far and I plan to continue it indefinitely.

Day 1 Gluten Free

2010-04-08T15:16:00.001-04:00

So far so good. It hasn’t been any sort of effort at this point and my attitude is really great. My goal from both a health and financial standpoint is to not go crazy with the gluten free processed products. I really want to “clean up” my diet in the sense of focusing on whole foods. This is the direction my body is really craving – I want to feel better and clear out all the junk. That’s not to say I won’t take advantage of some of what’s out there when I want to. This is not about deprivation for me. I just don’t feel compelled to run out and buy stuff specifically because I’m trying to be gf. Most of the things I already like to cook will work out fine. I will slowly try new things as I come across them and feel the urge. I know that I’ll probably want to try some gf baking at some point – but right now I don’t even crave baked goods (which is crazy in itself!)

One thing that I am kind of stressing about is my daily caffeine intake – namely, coffee. I love the stuff but it hasn’t been loving me back. I have heartburn again today and I can’t imagine it being anything other than the numerous cups of joe I’ve been swilling. I’ve gone off of it many times in the past and always felt better. But, the Siren’s call pulls me back eventually. Maybe these cycles aren’t really a bad thing and that periodically going off of it is good. It’s not all or nothing, I guess. But just going on how I feel, I think it’s time to go off it again. It will be interesting to see if it relieves the heartburn, which I guess might not be gluten related, although just one day gf isn’t really enough to say for sure. I will be working from home tomorrow and then I’ll have a weekend – the perfect time to let the caffeine get out of my system. I plan to let myself sleep as much as I want and just be OK with being tired. I also have Tylenol at the ready!

The biggest concern regarding going off coffee is my energy level, which is LOW in any case. I think that in reality the caffeine is working at cross purposes. It works for awhile but leaves me crashing later on. I just want to even things out. And hopefully, with the elimination of gluten, the generalized fatigue that plagues me might lift a bit. To help with that, I’m working in a daily yoga practice. In addition to the two days of classes I do at work, I want to incorporate more at home time on the mat. This is not just one more “should do” thing on my list. This is something I’m viewing as a gift to myself. Yes, I *should* do strength training, but it’s just not lighting my fire right now. Trying to force it makes me resist it. Yoga has lots of strengthening components so if I did it every day, I would gain many of those benefits anyway. So the plan is to just get the mat out every day, when at all possible. Even if it’s just to do a 10 minute PM DVD like I did last night, it will be beneficial. I couldn’t believe what an impact that little bit had! I felt so relaxed when I went to bed. But again, it’s not something to beat myself over the head with – if it’s not every day, that’s OK. It's all about listening to my body. I'm the expert on how I'm feeling and what I need.

So that’s the plan going forward… The support I’ve gotten even in this short amount of time has been incredible. I have so many great online and in-person friends to count on! Thanks for making me feel a little better about trying this. Every bit helps!

Have I Discovered "What's Wrong with Me?"

2010-04-07T13:26:00.003-04:00

I have the sinking feeling that I might have gluten sensitivity. I’ve had the nagging suspicion for some time but I’ve tried to tune it out. I am pretty severely lactose intolerant so I’ve resisted the notion that I might have to limit another major food group. While doing a little research on a site about gluten, I’ve come to see that the two might actually be related!

The reaction of gluten proteins in the gut creates a substance called gliadomorphin. This morphine-like compound causes you to become physically addicted to the gluten that is creating so many problems! This is the reason why you crave carbohydrates. You actually become “addicted” to them much the way an alcoholic becomes addicted to alcohol!

Specific cells lining the intestinal tract create enzymes to digest food and these, too, are damaged in this process. If you can’t secrete the enzyme lactase, lactose can no longer be digested and you become intolerant to milk as well!

And to top it off, the undigested dairy protein, called casein, reacts in your gut to make ANOTHER morphine-like substance called caseomorphin. So you become intolerant and addicted to dairy as well!!

So, at this point, if gluten sensitivity is left untreated, you will crave wheat, milk and sugar - exactly the foods that are the worst for you!!

The above basically describes me to a T. I’m pretty sure I’m intolerant of casein as well – I had a test done long ago that suggested it. I certainly crave dairy, despite my intolerance, and use lactase supplements to allow me to eat it often but do nothing about the effects of the casein in milk. I also tend to crave “comfort food”, which to me is generally carb-tastic like cereal and pasta.

While looking through a list of possible symptoms of gluten intolerance, I see that I have a few including:
- acid reflux (that was markedly better when “dieting” in the past, when I often curtailed my carbs in an effort to cut calories),
- bloating,
- psoriasis on my scalp,
- lower digestive issues (fun TMI!),
- fatigue (or general “laziness” when put through a judgmental filter in my head),
- mood swings, and
- hello! weight gain.

Sure, many of these things could be completely unrelated and attributable to other things. But I can’t ignore the fact that this is a real possibility. I owe it to myself to put my big girl pants on and try a gluten free diet for awhile to see if things improve. I’m not too fearful of trying this out, mostly because I try to eat a varied diet anyway so I’m already familiar with many of the alternatives to wheat products that are out there. I’m more hopeful that this change might actually help me feel better, which would make it worth it.

On the Way Home – Part 2

2010-03-26T10:58:00.005-04:00

It looks like the builder is indeed going to start construction earlier than we first thought – move in is now slated for July or August. Not a huge change, but I’m excited nonetheless. It looks like I just might be able to enjoy the pool for a bit this summer :)

Our meeting to pick out our finishes went well. We’re getting ceiling fan wiring in the master bedroom and living room, upgraded facets in the bathrooms, and nice flooring for the kitchen/bathrooms. And I am so looking forward to my huge tub in our bathroom and the washer/dryer that will be installed and ready to go when we move in. The kitchen will be gorgeous and look something like this, although it will be laid out differently and be bigger. But these are the cabinets/counters/appliances we chose:

As for the loan, all of that is underway. We’ve pretty much abandoned NACA and I’m left with an extremely bad taste in my mouth regarding the program. I look back at my post from early January – at the hope and anticipation and I have to laugh. After being a bug in our consultant’s ear, constantly asking for updates without any real answers for months, I have given up. It’s a real shame since the program is so good in theory. In practice, it is so not worth it – not if you have any sort of other option. And truthfully, if you don’t, you probably shouldn’t be buying a house! I guess the whole point is that they can help people get themselves together to get to that place as they move through the process. But starting off in semi-reasonable shape just left me frustrated at the ineptitude and inefficiency of the whole thing.

We’re now going with the lender associated with the builder to get a ton of incentives (like $19,000 in closing costs paid!) The loan will be FHA insured and we’ll be putting 3.5% down. Half of that was our earnest money that we had saved up over the last few months and the other half will come from an IRA my mother started for me some years ago pretty much for this purpose (as opposed to being really for retirement since she knew we wouldn’t have to pay the penalty for early withdrawal for a house purchase). That was some great thinking on her part and I cannot thank her enough for the incredible foresight and thoughtfulness that went into such a decision. Cute Man and I will both still have our 401ks trucking away so we’re not really harming our retirement savings. This account was pretty much started for this purpose.

The speed at which the process has moved is staggering when compared to the molasses that was NACA. It’s amazing how motivated people are when they’re getting paid! I love nonprofits, but sometimes they can be inefficient, as I’ve learned the hard way with NACA. I’m really sad that things worked out this way. The program has a great mission and I looked forward to volunteering with them as part of the program. Now, I’m glad I don’t have to do that. I will find another way to give back – they have lost an advocate in me, that’s for sure.

It’s time to let all that go now and just move forward. When all is said and done, I will chalk it up to a big learning experience and just revel in the end result, our new home. Here’s a peek at what it should look like on the outside:

On the Way Home – Part 1

2010-03-19T12:53:00.004-04:00

The contract has been signed, the earnest money deposited, and the loan paperwork is underway. It’s happening! Cute Man and I will be the proud owners of a brand new townhouse within a few months.

It’s a three level, three bedroom with a two car garage and “mancave” on the first level. Cute Man is in heaven imagining the good times he’ll have down there! The middle level will have a living room, kitchen, and dining room, with a deck off the back. The top floor is for the bedrooms and the laundry (I love the fact that it’s up there!) We’ve opted for just a few choice upgrades including an extra half bath on that first level (bringing the bathroom total to 2 full, 2 half!), an upgraded soaker tub in our Master bathroom (that baby is all me), and granite countertops in the kitchen. Cute Man’s best friend also noted that ceiling fans are key for keeping down AC costs so we’ll probably opt for a few of those as well.

We were most attracted by the location – Victory Promenade is just steps from the Morgan Blvd. Metro Station. This will allow us to both still take the train to work and remain a one-car family. This was literally only one of two developments I found that could provide that convenience. In my never ending searches online, it was tough to find much of anything in close proximity to a train station that was both within our price range and in decent shape. We’re simply not looking to have to fix anything up. Townhouse living is the best fit for us because we don’t have the time or inclination for yard work or home improvement projects. Yet, it allows us to have a nice balcony, common park space/playgrounds, a fitness room, and even a pool to use. For our lifestyle, it really can’t be beat. And I must admit, the fact that it will be brand spanking new absolutely floors me.

When we set out to look for our first home, we knew we couldn’t “have everything”. With our modest incomes and risk adverse personalities we knew a McMansion was not in our future. We were prepared to make concessions. The process of sorting through months of online listings really helped us solidify what was most important to us. The considerations outlined above are what we came up with. The response I’ve gotten so far from friends and family has been super supportive, but those who know the DC area inevitably wring their hands asking, “But what about the schoooooools?????” (We’ve also heard concerns about higher taxes, etc. but the pros outweighed the cons on that front for sure). Back to the schools. Yes, they don’t have the best rep in that area of Prince Georges County. Yes, that does not only affect property values but also could shape the lives of our prospective children. Please note the “prospective” modifier.
We do plan to have children and the education they get is important to us. But they don’t exist yet so it’s hard to hamstring our lives based on what ifs. There is a wonderful looking daycare place right across the street from the development and that would be way more of a factor over the next few years anyway. We will cross the bridge of what to do about the schools when we come to it. I do not personally believe that only the “best” schools turn out successful children. Much rides on parental involvement and outside stimulation. Safety would be my #1 concern for sure and we will just have to go see what the real deal is when that time comes.

As to property values, that’s not really an issue for us. We’re planning to stay for the long haul. Due to the proximity to the train, the location will probably remain attractive to young professionals and families. But all that remains to be seen and is not a factor until we need/want to sell, many years from now.

My main concern going into this remains financial security. It will be more important than ever to build a decent emergency fund. We should be left with a bit of cushion after all is said and done, but certainly not the several months of income that would make me feel secure. It will be tougher than ever to continue saving once we start paying the mortgage, but I am committed to making that happen. I like that we’ll have at least a few months more of paying our significantly lower rent so we can save as much as we can now.

I am really proud that we did this “the right way”. We have been extremely patient, living in our small apartment for what will be 5 years of marriage this summer. That patience definitely saved us from getting in over our heads before the bubble burst. Because we’re both so cautious, we knew we weren’t ready for homeownership before now, but I’m sure we would’ve been given a loan several years ago – I shudder to think of how that would have turned out. Instead, we chose to pay off all of our debt and truly start saving before taking this plunge. I know this is the right time – the right time for our particular circumstances (much more important than what’s going on in the market).

So that’s where we are now – on our way. We’re headed back to the development this weekend to pick out our interior choices. That should be super fun. Our sales manager also indicated that they want to start building a little earlier than expected, so I’m curious to see what that does to our timeline. Initially, it was an August or September move-in. It will be interesting to see if that has been moved up. We’ll see!

Sticking up for Myself

2010-03-15T15:40:00.003-04:00

It is NOT OK to harass me about my weight. I don’t care if you’re a “friend” (in quotes because none of my real friends would do such a thing), co-worker, or my doctor. It’s that last one that got me going last week. I’m proud to say that although I cowered a bit during the actual encounter, I took back voice by emailing the doctor afterwards.

I like to think of myself as confident and self-assured. And I am, most of the time. My big blind spot is my weight and always has been. But the nature of that uncertainty has shifted over the past year. For most of my life I’ve felt there was something wrong with me and that it was my job to fix it. I have struggled for over 20 years to restrict my eating and have exercised for the purpose of weight loss until I was blue in the face (or red, to be more accurate). All for “nothing” and I have failed, at least by generally accepted standards. I am bigger than I have ever been in my life. *gasp* And somehow, I am the happiest I have ever been with myself and within myself.

I’ve gotten to the point where I truly believe I’m better off without the food restriction and punishing workouts. I know that I am taking BETTER care of myself by not engaging in those disordered behaviors. The next step is to share these beliefs in a world where “common knowledge” asserts the exact opposite. I feel really self conscious about it, especially around people I love who think otherwise. I do believe it’s OK and possible to agree to disagree, but I still get that funny feeling in the pit of my stomach knowing that these people disapprove of me.

I thought about all this briefly before heading in to an appointment to get a Rx for psoriasis on my scalp. “They’ll probably weigh me,” I thought. Well, refusing to go through with that would make it a much bigger deal than it should be. “Just do it,” I thought. It’s only a number and has no power. It’s simply some feedback. And it was a big number and I felt the familiar pang. I banished it and went into the exam.

What I wasn’t prepared for was the fact that my weight would take over the appointment. “You’re almost in the obese category,” the doctor said in hushed tones. To my credit, I let her know I’ve been technically obese for my entire adult life, even at my smallest weights. “What you mean is that I’m almost morbidly obese”, I said to her shock and horror. “So what are you doing to work on this,” she asked. I started to explain that I’m working to heal after years of food restriction and am currently experiencing some rebounding weight gain but was cut off with offers of healthy eating courses offered at the health center. I felt that she had no genuine concern for what was going on with me. The number on the scale was larger than she “liked” so she was supposed to recommend weight loss classes and warn of all the harmful affects of not losing weight. There was no time for or real interest in discussing the issue. So I shut up. I smiled and nodded and got myself out of there. She made sure to remind me before I left the room and tried to press a flyer in my hand for the weight loss classes.

I did not leave feeling good about the encounter so I decided to contact the doctor after the fact. I felt compelled to at least express my truth to her in the hopes that a little crack of understanding might creep into her mind before embarking on a similar conversation with another patient. Her response was pretty noncommittal and I doubt much will change, but I did my part and for that, I feel good. I know it took quite a few exposures to the ideas of Health at Every Size before I let it in. Maybe this is one that will help her be more receptive next time…

Here’s my letter (I was limited to 1000 characters so it’s concise):

Thank you so much for seeing me last week - my scalp is much better. However, I wanted to share some thoughts about the discussion of weightloss.

I can understand the desire to take advantage of any doctor-patient contact to bring up pressing concerns about general health (i.e. weight). However, knowing “the weight talk” is coming causes me & others like me to avoid getting medical care. Telling someone she’s obese & needs to lose weight for her health/recommending a weight loss class is disempowering. Telling her she can see improvements in her blood pressure by finding movement she likes & doing it consistently is much more specific/achievable.

Please visit http://www.lindabacon.org/pdf/Podcast_HAES_HlthProvider.pdf for a concise overview aimed at health care providers on how focusing on weight is not helpful. Please take a moment to entertain a different point of view & hopefully gain some sensitivity to the situation your obese patients are in. Thanks in advance for listening.

So what do you think? Was I right to be offended? Do you think sending the letter was the right course of action? Have you ever experienced something similar and what did you do or wish you had done?

The Zaftig Chicks & the Fat Nutritionist Go at it &Why I Love it!

2010-02-03T14:40:00.003-05:00

I am a big fan of both the Zaftig Chicks and the Fat Nutritionist. I guess that’s what they call “cognitive dissonance”. It was surreal to see the fallout from a big difference of opinion, expressed in the two posts I linked. For me, it’s fun to see a whole range of opinions that I can sort through and make my own mind up about. I totally get where Silvia (one of the Zaftig Chicks) is coming from. I sometimes question how healthy I can be with the extra weight and have moments where I fantasize about going back on WW for a bit, just to make a dent in the situation. THEN, I can practice Health at Every Size (HAES) and live happily ever after, right?

But then I take a long hard look at my own history. Not statistics, failure rates, blah blah blah. I look at my life. What has all the dieting (mostly on and off WW since age 10) done for me? If I’m honest, it’s made me fatter. When I take an objective look at myself I have to conclude that there must be a problem with the system, not me. The diet industry brainwashes us to think that every time we gain the weight back, it’s our own damn fault. We’re just not disciplined enough. Speaking as someone who has completed two full marathons (both as an “obese” person), I have discipline, thankyouverymuch.

That’s why reading Linda Bacon’s HAES book was such a lightbulb moment for me. There has to be another way besides this yo-yo cycle. It’s scary as hell sometimes and I have gained weight since resolving never to diet again. But just because that’s happened doesn’t lead me to think that going back to dieting is the answer. Experience has taught me that the incredible effort it takes to shed the pounds will ultimately not be worth it. My history teaches me that I can lose weight (although each subsequent time gets harder and harder) but I will inevitably gain it back and then some. What’s the point?

But as a complex human being, I have the ability to choose between more than black and white, dieting and gorging myself to death. HAES is that middle path. I feel great about my twice a week yoga routine and my three time-a-week 10 Minute Workouts. Moving makes me feel better, keeps me flexible, and hopefully, positively impacts my overall health. Do I still eat more than I should from time to time? Yes, it happens, but it doesn’t wreck my day. Now that I have “permission” to eat that chocolate cake (or yummy frozen cheesecake from Trader Joe’s, oh my!) I somehow don’t have the urge to eat gobs of it at a time. There’s no need to get it all in now before the diet starts. Funny how that works.

But yet, I gain weight. I’ve stopped weighing myself but I know it’s happening. It’s frustrating to realize that I really don’t eat “that much”. Objectively speaking, I have a very balanced diet with lots of fruits and vegetables. I don’t binge on fast food or any other “junk”. I eat that kind of stuff pretty moderately. I know that many professionals tend to discount self reporting and think that people like me are lying or just misjudging what we eat. But really, I know what I’m talking about. As many diets as I’ve been on, I can gauge calorie counts and portion sizes with the best of them. I’m not saying I eat a low calorie diet, I’m just saying it’s a normal, balanced one. If you taped me for a week and attributed the amount of food eaten to an average sized person, I don’t think anyone would wonder why she wasn’t 250 lbs.

I could cry out at the gods about the unfairness of it all, but what’s the use? The truth is, I’ve wrecked my metabolism from all the dieting and it shouldn’t come as a surprise. I hope my body will eventually forgive me and either settle at a weight soon or maybe let go of whatever extra it doesn’t need. I know that it’s unlikely that I’ll just keep gaining weight indefinitely – although, I certainly entertain that fear on occasion. But so much of life is really out of our immediate control. I’ve made my peace and will see where it takes me. Because the alternative? It’s just not an option anymore. There are only so many times I can bang my head against the wall and then wonder why I have a headache.

In the end, I can’t help but wish Bianca and Silvia the best of luck with their WW endeavors. All I can wish for any of us dealing with the pressure to lose weight for health (or any other) reasons, is that we can all find “success”, in whatever form it takes. I strongly believe that we all must find our own way through this mess. Me banging someone else over the head about HAES is no different from someone enlightening me about their latest diet. Mind your own business and worry about your own body. I’ll do the same. That being said, I have to admit that I love the snarkiness that’s alive and well (and in such good fun) on both sites and will be tuning in for round 3!

2010: The Year We Buy a House

2010-01-07T16:11:00.002-05:00

I am going crazy out of my mind with excitement about it and cannot (will not!) tally the amount of time I spend on Redfin.com. I’ve come up with all sorts of searches to whittle down to what we want. Our budget is constrained so at first we thought it had to be condo. A condo is good in theory, but one of the few drawbacks to our living situation now (apart from it being small) is that we have to be considerate in terms of noise. This isn’t the biggest deal for me, but it often stymies Cute Man when he’s really into a game or a movie. It would be nice to not have to think about it when we have our own home. Also, I’d hate to pay large condo fees that aren’t tax deductible like the mortgage payments.

But could we even dream of buying an actual house on our budget? The answer, is maybe. I’ve discovered that it may indeed be possible for us to buy a townhouse or even a single family home as long as we’re flexible on location. Of course, we need to feel safe wherever we move, but it might be more of an up and coming area, rather than a neighborhood we’re already familiar with.

We really need to be within walking distance of the Metro (train) due to being a single car family, so that puts a lot of constraints on things. We also want to stay as close-in as possible, but really, anything that is walking distance to a metro isn’t going to “too” far out anyway, I guess. We definitely need to stay below $300,000 and would prefer something more in the $250,000 range. Depending on where you’re living, that might seem high or crazy low and impossible if you’re from this area. But in my searches, at least online, it is theoretically possible. I’ve found a dozen or so move-in ready homes that look good online that are close to a Metro station. It makes me wonder each time if there’s something wrong with the place or neighborhood, but that will only become apparent when we start actually going out to see them ourselves. It’s just good to know that options are out there.

My absolute favorite discovery is a new construction development of townhouses out in Landover near FedEx Field. I couldn’t believe they were in our price range. We might have to be somewhat considerate of neighbors with our sound levels, but not to the extent it would be with a condo. And I like the whole townhouse set-up which will have a garage (!) and Cute Man’s “man-cave” on the first floor, the kitchen, dining room, living room, and powder room on the second floor, and two bedrooms plus two full baths (one being a Master Bath!) on the top level. I also love that the washer and dryer are on the top floor with the bedrooms. Trucking down to a basement to do laundry never made sense to me. To top it all off, it’s only a 5 minute walk to the Metro!

Of course, I’m slightly ahead of myself and we have a couple hoops to jump before actually getting an agent and going out to see places. First, we have a meeting on Monday with NACA to finalize our approval to go through their first time homebuyers program. I had to clear up a couple mistakes on my credit report first, which I’ve done, so we’re good to go. Then, we have a home buying class to attend… Once that’s out of the way, we’ll find an agent and get rolling. The goal is to be on track to take advantage of the federal tax credit before it expires in April.

It’s getting harder and harder to contain my excitement. I keep reminding myself to slow down and just go through the process. Now that things are starting to pick up, I plan to chronicle the process here. If anyone has any home-buying advice, please chime in!

Reframing Resolutions

2010-01-04T17:16:00.003-05:00

It’s that time of year – you know, when everyone and their mother is talking about how they’re going to make this year better than the last. And for many, that means self-improvement which often translates to TIME TO LOSE WEIGHT! The commercials are on a perpetual loop – NutriSystem! Jenny Craig! Weight Watchers! Even the cereal Special K is in on the action this year. How nice of them to remind us all that we’re big fat losers and we should go give them our money RIGHT NOW. Because, you know, science proves that giving them money makes us skinny.

However, for most of us, that promise just doesn’t pan out in any real or lasting way. Sure, we may see the scale dip lower for awhile (and doesn’t it just feel GREAT?!), but it’s the rare exception that sees that result last very long. And at what price? The thought of being on food restriction and being hyper-aware of all choices for the rest of my life is exhausting.

But still, I’m tempted. I cannot lie. I look at Valerie Bertinelli and think, “well, maybe…” I have to almost physically shake myself back to reality sometimes. Eating prepackaged food might work temporarily and offer a short respite from having to think about food and it’s affect on body size, but it’s not sustainable. The rebound alone is just not worth it. So, I must work with what I’ve got: my brain and my wonderful body that gets me through life each and every day. Isn’t that amazing?

Even so, the urge to get fit and focus on self improvement persists. I want to look and feel better than I do now. So what’s a Intuitive Eater in training to do? Well, you may call it just semantics but I choose to focus on behaviors and habits rather than the outcome. I choose to put my energy into doing things that are positive for my health – buying yummy whole foods, putting time and care into preparing meals, and moving my body. That’s it. I just let go of any expectation of weight loss. I’m recommitting to doing these things for my overall well-being so there is no pressure of disappointment if weight loss doesn’t happen as a result.

This outlook has a positive impact financially as well. I’m not forking over my cash with my self efficacy to some corporate conglomerate selling snake oil in the form of the fantasy of being thin. I’m not choosing to spend lots of money on classes or equipment to “motivate me”. In reality, getting fit and moving more doesn’t have to cost a thing. Paying for classes, etc. is nice (and I do spend some money on low cost yoga classes so I’m not hating on all expenditures). I just don’t think that spending money can substitute for actual follow-through – a lesson that’s taken me a long time to learn. There are so many free/low cost things to do, it’s incredible.

In my own particular (charmed) world, I have access to two free fitness rooms at work, low cost yoga classes at work, tons of free exercise classes On Demand (I’ve been using those for strength training), and my own two feet :) I also invested a couple bucks in some hand weights and a resistance band to help with my goal of getting stronger this year. That’s it.

To help get me going, I’ve lowered my threshold for what constitutes a good workout. I used to think that if I didn’t do at LEAST 30 minutes, it basically wasn’t worth it. Well, now I’m committing to just 20 minutes most days. Not all days, but most. I will have my 2 one-hour-long yoga classes each week, but the other days just require me to suit up and do 20 minutes. I can DO that. And starting where I am now (feeling very out of shape), it’s a good start that is least likely to result in injury. Will I up the time commitment as I rebuild my stamina? Probably, but I’ll cross that bridge when I come to it. For now, I just want to enjoy the effects of getting some exercise each day without all the pressure and obsession on results. I’m going to do it just to do it and see where it gets me.

So, how has the New Year impacted your motivation to get healthier in 2010? Are you a sucker for the urge to reboot your bod come January, like me? What steps are you taking in your quest? Or, are you immune to the social pressure and living life as usual, focused on your goals but no more or less so due to the calendar? How do you stay so sane? Please share your take in the comments.

Credit Card Declined? That and Amex Thinks I’m Dead

2009-12-16T16:29:00.000-05:00

What a shock THAT was at the Starbucks this morning! Well, it turns out someone was having a ball at Walmart and Food Lion somewhere in South Carolina with my card. Sheesh! Good thing the folks at Chase caught that early and are taking care of the fraudulent charges.

It’s just annoying at this point. Cute Man (an authorized user) and I will have to wait until they send us a new cards in order to use them again. It’s just a minor crimp in my strategy of using the card for all purchases, building up reward points, and paying the balance each month. Then there are all the automatic withdrawals linked to that card that I’ll need to update when I get a new card number. Oh, well. A few minutes of my time to make those changes isn’t exactly a big deal.

But how did they get my card? Neither of our physical credit cards is missing so I’m thinking that the number was somehow hijacked and then a fake card was made. I mean, they used it at Walmart, so they probably needed an actual card, right? In any case, I’m hoping this is the end of it. We’ll get new cards next week, I’ll fill out the fraud paperwork, and that will be it (cross your fingers!)

In other news, I finally dealt with the mistake on one of my credit reports. One of my old credit cards was listing me as “deceased”. Yep, as in no longer among the living. I put in my request for an “investigation” which I find kind of funny in this case – how much investigating is necessary to prove I’m still breathing… I mean, I could be a pretty good eye-witness…

So I’m in pretty much in a “deal with stuff” kind of mood, which is actually quite contrary to my normal state. It’s crazy to see how dealing with this stuff really isn’t all that bad once I just go ahead and just do it already. It’s the dread that keeps me from dealing… This is of course all in the quest towards home ownership. Hopefully, with this credit snafu cleared up, we’ll be able to move forward with the home-buying process with NACA in January!

16 Reasons NOT to Diet

2009-11-05T13:24:00.002-05:00

Check out this list of 16 Reasons NOT to Diet. I’m reposting the whole list here because it’s THAT good. I came across it on the awesome Through Thick and Thin Forum and it really resonated. The original author of the list, Golda from Body Love Wellness, has a great reason for picking 16 reasons:

To support you in this journey, I am reprinting my 16 Reasons Not To Diet. Why 16? Because that’s the average dress size of American women!

And here's the list!

1) Many diets support the use of non-nutritional, highly chemicalized foods like fake fats and fake sugars. These chemicalized foods negatively affect body chemistry, cause low-level undernourishment, and often encourage overeating when the dieter gets the signal that s/he is not getting nourishment.
2) Diets have such a high failure rate that they are really a gamble with a low chance of success. If you look at the fine print of most studies on diets, they will tell you that diets have a 90-99% long-term failure rate. People lose some weight, only to find it creep back up, often surpassing their initial, pre-diet weight. Even the “successful” dieters often don’t keep all of their weight off.
3) Dieting gives dieters the message that they cannot trust their internal sense of what nourishes them. This distrust of internal signals affects other aspects of a dieter’s life, where they seek external approval and control of their non-food
related actions.
4) The diet industry has a deep interest in the failure of dieters—if everyone got skinny, they’d go out of business.
5) Dieters’ self esteem is often tied to their weight—they feel good about themselves when they’re losing weight and bad about themselves when they’re gaining weight.
6) The diet system reinforces low self esteem in dieters by making them feel like they have no “willpower” when they have diet lapses. In actuality, diets encourage people to ignore their internal will in exchange for the perceived will of the diet industry.
7) Rather than being about nourishment, food often becomes about reward and punishment for dieters.
8) Diets cause dieters (who are often women) to revolve their lives around food
rather than other things that may really matter to them (relationships, careers,
social issues).
9) Diets cause a lot of body hatred, particularly when the dieter isn’t losing weight. Dieters tend to see their bodies as wrong and problematic when they’re not seeing the “results” they want.
10) Diets often categorize foods as good/okay vs. bad/forbidden. Just like our culture’s genesis story revolves around a woman eating a forbidden food (the apple), it’s human nature to want what’s forbidden. Thus, it’s no wonder that dieters often crave forbidden foods even more once they are forbidden, and then hate themselves for eating those foods (maybe because they’re made to feel as though they’ve caused all of humanity to become sinners).
11) Diets encourage what I like to call “lottery thinking”—most dieters know that diets haven’t really worked for them nor most of the people they know, yet they think that this new diet is going to make them thin, and they’ll finally be in that tiny successful group.
12) Most diet programs are expensive. I cringe when I think about the money that I and my friends and family have spent over the years on Weight Watchers, special
shakes and diet pills!
13) For some people, diets are like Band-aids on deep scars. For people who really overeat and eat unconsciously, they often eat to numb their feelings and consciousness. Their issue is not really “portion control.” In fact, they often are too controlling of themselves and their emotions.
14) Diets assume that all fat people eat too much. They don’t account for the fact that people come in all shapes and sizes, and that a person’s weight is not an indicator of overall health.
15) The weight loss/gain cycle created by dieting is more stressful on the body than just being plain, old fat.
16) Diets work on a scarcity principle. Diets make dieters focus on lack, tell them they can only have “this much and no more” and that to want more is a bad thing. Because dieting is so all-encompassing, this scarcity principle often filters into other aspects of dieters’ lives. They begin to see lack and scarcity in their relationships, in their jobs, in the world.

Big thanks to Gina at Through Thick and Thin for posting this there. This list really gets at the heart of the futility of dieting and the body hatred it inspired in me. Fighting that uphill dieting battle was causing me nothing but pain. Learning to accept myself as I am is one of the most difficult things I’ve ever tried to do, even harder than the dieting, I think. But the reward is so much greater. It takes a lot to completely turn my worldview upside down and to start swimming in the other direction. It feels strange and sometimes lonely. But I know in my heart that I’m doing the right thing for me. For all the effort I put into dieting, what did I get? A lot of feelings of failure and the opposite of what I thought I wanted (I became bigger in the long run, instead of smaller).

Though painful at first, letting go of the goal of weight loss is freeing me up to engage with myself and others in ways I haven’t before. Instead of joining in to body-shaming conversations, I try to be the voice of reason and love. The world is a hard enough place sometimes, without piling on abuse our very selves. I loved the End Fat Talk movement from last month – it was a great way to get this discussion going and to bring awareness to this problem. Now, we have to take it one step further and bravely step away from the scales that arbitrarily determine our moods and often, even our self worth. It’s time to ditch the outside voice of some random authority that makes money on perpetuating our struggle. Who gave them the right to decide what we need to eat? Are we that out of touch with ourselves that we don’t even get to decide that? I think we can do better for ourselves and I will start by reminding myself of the truth contained in this list everyday.

I know there will be some differing opinions out there – please share your perspective below. Do you think that diets work? When they don’t, do you assume it’s all your fault and that you messed up? Do you think the diet industry truly wants you to find lasting success (and quit getting your cash)? Are you willing to devote yourself to food restriction for the rest of your life? Is that really a reasonable expectation? And if not, what’s the alternative? How can we all lead happy and content lives at home in our skin without becoming obsessive? Please share your experience and any insights you’ve found that help ease the body shaming that is so rampant and excepted in society.

Do You “Struggle with Your Weight”?

2009-10-13T17:38:00.002-04:00

It’s a common phrase – one I’ve used myself many a time. I used it as a way to express that I was somehow a work-in-progress, that I knew and understood that I was flawed and that I was expending effort to fix the problem. It was a badge to hold up and say, “See, at least I know there’s a problem!” I could participate in the larger culture with my fat-exemption card. I have to admit that it was a big part of my identity, to the point where I created a whole social life around myself built on the very premise. Struggling together was easier than struggling alone because we all know, struggling sucks. It’s hard. It’s energy draining. It took over my life. I decided to revisit this idea after reading this post over at Living 400 lbs.

Now, I’d like to say that the struggle is over – that I’ve learned my lesson and all is healed. If it were only that easy. Life is never black and white and I am swimming my way through the gray. Some days I fully embody Margaret Cho’s Fuck it Diet, and feel really great, really in tune with what my body needs to function well and wants just for the joy of it. Other days, the anxiety creeps in and the struggle resurfaces as an effort to silence the food police in my head and the nasty thoughts about my current (and frightening-to-think-about future weight).

The one real tool I have to combat these negative feelings is exercise. The thing I sometimes forgot about when “working out” to try to lose weight, is that moving my body feels fantastic. Getting going is the hard part but usually I feel good while doing it and really good afterwards. It’s hard to feel bad about myself when I’ve just done an hour plus of walking, yoga, pilates, or other strength training. It just doesn’t compute. What I try to avoid, however, are the thoughts about how doing these things will somehow prevent the apocalypse of The Ever-Expanding-Amelia outcome that I so fear. I cannot claim to have overcome that one yet, but practice makes perfect. I try to reframe my desires for movement as something that is showing myself care, that I’m doing it to feel better in my own skin. The goal cannot be weight loss. It just doesn’t work for me. It makes the whole thing into a chore, something that must be checked off the good-fatty checklist. There is no faster way to churn up Please-Just-Let-Me-Sit-On-The-Couch thoughts than that.

I’ve started to notice that the more I talk to myself in this way, the closer I come to believing it. It’s the whole fake-it-till-you-make-it strategy in action. So, I’m calling it – I’m done with the “struggling” metaphor. My body and I are on the same team. Even when my brain sometimes rebels and I have to talk her down, we’re still on the same side. It’s all me and it’s all good. I’m all good. I don’t need or want fixing. I can take excellent care of myself with wholesome, yummy food and fun, joyful activity. I can do all that without the goal of changing my body or losing weight. I can be healthy and not at war with my body. I’m calling a permanent cease fire.

Does anyone else use this metaphor? Do you think it's helping or hurting your efforts to be happy and healthy?

Oh, to be a Red Shoe Blogger

2009-10-09T14:41:00.002-04:00

I love my little piece of the internet – it’s right here and it’s all mine. AND, I love The Wizard of Oz – so much so that I went to see it in the theater for its 70th anniversary a couple weeks ago. What do these two things have in common? Blogging is like The Wizard of Oz and there’s no place like home.

This has to be my #1 favorite blog post, like EVER. And it has nothing to do with health or finances (well, a bit, actually…) It boils down to talking about what really makes a blog successful. You see, many people have gotten into the biz of blogging to *gasp* try to make money. They learn and employ all the tricks to drive traffic and boost revenue. But if the content isn’t there, if there’s nothing behind all the bells and whistles, you’re left holding a bag of useless trinkets. Eventually, the whole thing will pop like an overinflated hot air balloon.

Well, no one could accuse me of THAT. I write what I want when I darn well feel like it. I must confess that it tickles me to know that you all (both of you!) are reading, but I don’t do anything specific to try to get more eyeballs. I don’t go around commenting on other blogs just to get people to track back to me. If I’m moved to share my thoughts, I do, if not, I cruise on by… I’ve also abandoned all hope or effort to make any money at this. I used to have some ads but they were awful weightloss or payday loans, most of the time. And who has the time or energy to police that stuff? All for a few pennies (and by this, I mean that literally). So, the ads went by-by and I like how uncluttered this space is. As I said, it’s mine and I love it.

So I’ll keep doing my thing, sporting my Beautifeel Size 9-wide sensible red heels (they may not be sparkly, but they FIT), strutting in and out as I please, talking about what’s important to me, on my schedule. Thanks for coming along for the ride!

The iPhone and My Healthy Life

2009-10-08T16:43:00.001-04:00

It’s been a week since the Cute Man and I gleefully made our way to the Apple Store and bought our iPhones. I must say that it has more than compensated for the sadness of having to give back the Mini (HP Netbook). It really is everything I thought it would be and I have absolutely no regrets about the purchase (financial or otherwise). Good financial management is about making choices based on what’s important to you. And after 2 years of waiting for our contract to be up (we regretted not doing this almost right away when we chose Verizon over going with AT&T and the iPhone), we wanted these puppies and we wanted them something fierce. So, we planned for this expense and are thrilled with the result. It doesn’t even look like we’ll be paying THAT much more, especially considering how much more we’re getting for the money.

It’s a whole new world, especially for me. CM had his iPod Touch so it was basically just an upgrade/consolidation thing for him. But for me, the “just give me the free phone” girl, it was a revelation. It is the most fantastic thing I’ve ever owned. I’ve downloaded applications for everything from free music to stream based on my preferences (Pandora), to ones that help me practice my German with fun little games, to full-on yoga classes. It’s incredible. Not to mention the old standbys of weather, online banking, and maps. And I can read my Kindle books on it! I even downloaded the entire Firefly television season (plus the movie Serenity among others), which I have been watching every free moment.

To complement my new toy, I’ve gotten some accessories as well: a Sony iPhone alarm clock with great sound from the speakers, a charger for my car, and my new favorite FREE DIY iPhone stand that I made out of an old card.

At this point, it’s time to put on the breaks and just enjoy what I’ve got. There are so many free things to do/get with it (podcasts, free apps, Pandora and music I already have, Kindle books I already have, and free audio books that I found in an app) that I can stop the bleeding (spending) now and be quite content for some time.

I also plan to save some cash by using the low cost strength training and yoga apps that I downloaded. I will keep up with my paid yoga classes (2 times per week), but I’m going to forgo at least one of the two weekly paid Pilates classes and work out with my apps in the free work gym instead. We’ll see how that goes. I like the classes because they are an appointment to keep so it lends some structure. However, I think I can capitalize on my love-affair with my new gadget to lend some added motivation to hit the gym on my own.

After only one week, I know I’ve just scratched the surface of what my iPhone is capable of but I’m thrilled with what I’ve discovered so far. Going forward, I will have to be mindful to take the most advantage of the capabilities without frivolously buying things with little thought (which is EASY to do, I know). But all in all, I couldn’t be happier!

The Mini is No More: A Lesson in Impulse Purchasing

2009-09-28T12:20:00.000-04:00

Last week I had a minor break with reality and decided to buy an HP netbook (aka The Mini) on a whim. Nevermind that I am planning to buy an iPhone a couple weeks later. It was cute as a button and I just HAD to have it. It was shades of immediate gratification past and I just went for it. As the Cute Man pointed out, it’s not like I haven’t been talking about getting a laptop for awhile now. So why not? The CM certainly meant well and he was right in theory. However, the devil’s in the details. I don’t do so well when I don’t carefully research large purchases. Buyer’s remorse is a bitch.

I got that cutie home and fired it up. I even did some organizing/cleaning to make room for it on the bookshelf that serves as my catch-all space in the living room. The CM helped me connect it to our wireless network and my anticipation was building. And then…. nothing. The darned thing wouldn’t load a page! It would do so when connected with a hardline, albeit at an agonizingly slow pace, but it’s a freaking netbook, it needs to work wirelessly. Poor CM in his infinite patience trouble-shooted his little heart out, all to no avail.

Enter, heart-wrenching buyer’s remorse. I was glad to see that I could return it when I checked the receipt. I’d likely have to pay a 15% “restocking fee”, but it’s better than keeping a useless item, right? All the same, I hemmed and hawed, hating to lose what would amount to $50.00 in an idiot tax. But knowing I’d have my beloved iPhone next week helped me make the decision. And what would you know… the thing was actually truly defective. They couldn’t get it to connect to the internet in the store, either! So, no restocking fee. It’s like it never happened! Except that I learned another lesson in what not to do.

Sure, I’d like to have a small laptop to use here and there. It would be good for doing work if ever I need to do so away from the office (not a regular thing in my life so really not a good enough reason), but for 9/10 things I’d use it for, the iPhone will more than compensate. And that’s not even taking into account that the iPhone will be another major purchase, the planning for which should have stopped me from dropping that unexpected cash. But that’s all water under bridge and I will return to my gun-shy frugal ways, having paid my penance in some serious angst (but not in cash, thank goodness).

Ready to Take a Stand

2009-09-25T16:43:00.002-04:00

I think I just became radicalized. Have you ever read something that makes such an impression that you *finally* feel the need to get personally involved? Reading this is my moment:

And when I recently attended an interview to be a volunteer with Big Brothers Big Sisters, I was asked if I had any objection to mentoring a dirty and/or obese child. The woman asking, with her rushed speech and stiff posture, betrayed that she was uneasy about the question’s existence on the official questionnaire. But it wasn’t her asking the question that made me uneasy. Rather, it was that a lonesome child’s obesity (paired “naturally” with dirtiness) made a difference to enough to compassionate volunteers that it had become necessary to ask.

However I feel about We Are the Real Deal in general and MamaV in particular, this guest post has made an impression. The situation described above is wrong on so many levels, I just don’t know where to start. The author of this piece, Kim Brittingham, went on to say:

The swelling trend of fat hatred in the United States makes me profoundly sad.

No kidding.

I’ve never been much of a political person. I’m pretty self-centered, generally. It’s usually enough for me to concentrate on my own life and making the most of it. And I don’t feel particularly oppressed by fat hatred on a daily basis. I have operated from a perspective of complicity for so long (I was an avid self-flagellating dieter for years and years, after all) that it’s hard to switch the script sometimes.

But you know what, it’s not OK . It’s not OK that every other news snippet is about the latest “new” weight loss technique, spouting all types of short term benefits without any disclaimer about the long term physical and emotional damage these diets – I mean “lifestyle changes” – leave in their wake. It’s not OK that my doctor automatically assumes I’m unhealthy because of my BMI and makes every visit about that, as opposed to things that can actually be diagnosed and dealt with. It’s not OK that I’m more familiar with actual clinical studies, most of which show no link between obesity and shorter life span, than the medical experts I interact with. In fact, these studies point to the aptly named Obesity Paradox). It’s a “paradox” because studies continually show that overweight and obese people live longer on average but people continue to cling to the “common knowledge” that obesity kills. How come I know all about this but get blank stares and condescending pats on the shoulder from people who should be in the know?

And it’s just not OK, not anymore. Kids involved in the Big Brothers Big Sisters program are in need. Those needs are no less for the obese child. It is not OK that they are made to feel diminished in any way whatsoever. The thought that our society is so messed up that a well meaning person would choose to specifically not work with a child because he is obese (or dirty, for that matter – that is ridiculous as well, just not the subject here) is unconscionable . Something has gone awry, folks. Obese people are not broken and in need of fixing. We are not contagious and something to avoid being around. We are not greedy and somehow unworthy of respect. Food and exercise are not a weapons or moral issues in any way nor are our bodies up for public discussion.

I’m hoping that my involvement in the Big Fat Lie Project, will help spread some new “common sense” about weight, health, and how the two are not necessarily conflated. How punishing ourselves through dieting or moving our bodies for the sole purpose of making ourselves somehow less instead of for the sheer JOY of it, is just plain wrong and counterproductive. We do not need to be starved and shamed into conformity and told that it's all for our own good. I hope to be a part of a shift that has to happen in our understanding and treatment of people like me, the obese, who are not headless fat people on the news, but real and complex individuals deserving of love, respect, and human kindness.

Personal Finance?

2009-08-28T10:46:00.002-04:00

I haven’t been writing much about this lately – I’ve been more into exploring intuitive eating. The latter is much more new to me so I guess there’s just more on my mind to talk about. As for personal finance, it’s honestly been on autopilot for awhile. I did a lot of work to get things sorted out and put some great systems in place. As a result, it requires far less attention and headspace from me most of the time.

My 401k contributions are automated and my ING savings transfers happen like clockwork on their own, too. I love this! Cute Man and I are gearing up to go into our house-hunting phase so saving is a big part of this. We need to demonstrate that we can save the difference between our current rent and anticipated mortgage for at least 3 months per our NACA program requirements. I’ve been doing this for awhile now, but CM is beginning this in earnest this month. Previously, his focus was credit card repayment, which he has rocked!

Another thing we’ve got sort of automated, is our vacationing! Say what you will about timeshares, but they cannot be beat for encouraging us to take a full week off. I had serious concerns about the wisdom of that purchase (mostly due to the poor reputations they have), but it has turned out really well. We just got back from our lovely vacation in Orlando, which did not break the bank. Having your own kitchen at a resort is a money saver for sure. Most of our cash went to transportation – we didn’t rent a car, but took shuttles and cabs instead. It probably cost us a bit more this way. I think next time a car would be good. Live and learn!

I’ve also streamlined my spending strategy. For the past few months I’ve been experimenting with a new system. I put everything onto my Amazon Chase Visa. I only use cash or my debit card when I have no choice. I wanted to see if I could smooth out my spending and not be hyper-conscious of what I have to spend paycheck to paycheck, constantly checking balances. I just use my “good judgment” that I have cultivated and buy what I want when I choose to. With the safety of a buffer of savings in the bank, I wanted to see if it would even out. So far, it has! I have not had to dip into saving to cover over-spending even once. This is a victory, for sure.

As long as I can live below my means (automated savings comes out first anyway), I am thrilled with this method. It takes out the stress of constant balance checking and I earn mad points that I can turn into $ to spend at Amazon. As a Kindle owner, this is golden. I have also redeemed them for a gas card that works at the station near my house, too. Very handy. Now that I don’t’ drive as much, I could feasibly not have to pay for my own gas again. Really. I can’t believe they’re basically giving me free money just for using the card for all my purchases. As someone who pays off my balance every month, it is a huge benefit because I’m not paying any interest charges.

In short, things are pretty smooth on the financial front. As I learned the painfully hard way, it’s not how much I earn that matters. It’s setting up my life so that it functions within the parameters of what’s coming in. As two people working at non-profits, CM and I do not make a whole lot, especially for living in an expensive city. We’ve just learned a thing or two about prioritizing what’s important to us and making hard choices. It’s good to know that we can have pretty much anything that we truly need or want – we just can’t have everything that we want. So, the former gets priority and the latter gets indulged within reason.

So now we’re looking into buying a house or condo. This is a whole new world to explore so I will probably be talking a lot about that and soliciting advice as we get into the thick of it. The rest will hopefully continue to take care of itself.

Inspiration from Margaret Cho

2009-08-25T17:38:00.002-04:00

I read this blog post some time ago but came across it again today. And it rocks. If you don’t like the word “fuck”, this isn’t for you. Everyone else, please read it. Now. In it, Margaret Cho unveiled the secret to her weight loss success. It boils down to (emphasis mine):

“I never eat leftovers. I never take anything home. I never eat anything that doesn’t taste heavenly. I never eat when I am not hungry. I never let myself get too hungry. I never deny myself a fucking thing because I have denied myself enough for 1000 lifetimes and there is no more denial for me in the way that I live. I deserve all the mozzarella sticks, all the fucking chocolate, all the fucking pizza, all the chicken a’la king, and I deserve to leave what I don’t finish on the plate.

So there you go. Big secret diet. Love. Love and the audacity to actually waste food.”

I’m working on it, Margaret!

The Big Fat Lie Project

2009-08-25T11:10:00.001-04:00

Since starting on the Intuitive Eating (IE) path, I have struggled to find a balance between honoring my health and resisting the diet mentality. One of the first stages of IE is to make peace with food, which I did with gusto. However, the resulting weight gain (felt, not measured – I do not use a scale anymore) and frequent heartburn have not been welcome. I am resisting any pull to just go on another diet to “fix” things, though. I have to find another way to come to terms with my body, my eating habits, and my activity level.

I want to incorporate more whole foods into my diet. I want to keep active. I want to do these things so that I feel better, not to lose weight. I am clear in this intention. As a result, I’ve decided to join a study that is working to highlight the benefits of IE coupled with eating whole foods and doing resistance training. The goals of the study and much more information about it is available at The Big Fat Lie, our group blog for the project.

I am excited to get started on this two year project. I hope that my participation will help support me on my road to a healthy relationship with food and my body. I’m also thrilled to be a part of something that will bring IE and its benefits to light. I hope that this study will show the world a long term, sustainable alternative to dieting.

A Return to Whole Foods (the concept, not the store!)

2009-07-22T11:31:00.002-04:00

While catching up at Cheap Healthy Good, one of my favorite food sites, I came across a link to this post about Nourishing Traditions, a cookbook that focuses on getting back to cooking in well, more traditional time honored ways. I was pulled in right away.

Since starting on my path to Intuitive Eating (IE), I’ve been happily making peace with food. As a result, I’ve indulged in much more food of the processed persuasion, just because I *can*. Most of that has been the Trader Joe’s type of processed but not all of it. I definitely don’t like focusing on so much convenience food. There has to be a balance. I realize that it was necessary stage of my healing to swing the other way first, though, so I’m not judging my food choices or anything. I just am finding myself looking forward to cooking more whole foods and putting more effort into my cooking and general food prep.

I’ll actually be participating in an upcoming study that will examine how an IE lifestyle focused on mostly whole foods coupled with moderate strength training affects overall health. It will be a two year commitment and I’m super excited to participate. But that hasn’t started yet – I’ll post more about that when it begins next month and throughout the study.

My head is already starting to get back to craving “real” food that I prepare myself, though, so there’s no reason to wait. I’m coming at this from a place of excitement, not one of trying to “eat healthy”. I will not completely abandon all play foods, not by a long shot. I plan to continue incorporating them into my daily intake, focusing on making my own versions as well as treating myself to the occasional processed items from time to time. It’s not all or nothing. I’m focusing on ADDING more whole foods, not in trying to deny myself anything. I think that psychological distinction is key for me.

In any case, I came across the Nourishing Traditions book just when I was ready to embrace it. I hopped right over to Amazon and downloaded it to my Kindle. I’ve only just begun reading it (yes, I’m actually reading a cookbook!) and have discovered that it’s much more than just a book of recipes. It catalogues all the different ways we have been mislead when it comes to “nutrition” in the media. So many studies have been twisted to say what the researchers wanted them to say. Others were just ignored because they didn’t prove what they wanted them to. I’ve come across some of this before but it never ceases to amaze me. The author advocates a return to not only eating more whole foods but to draw on more traditional ways of food preparation as a way to combat some of the damage we’ve done to ourselves with all this fake food.

I will be working my way through the fantastic info in the book as well as trying out some recipes. I will periodically post about how they turn out and what I’m learning in the process. And lest you think that I’ve completely abandoned my focus on personal finance, I will be noting any savings that come from buying and cooking my own food on a more consistent basis.

Please chime in with any advice or experience you may have to share about cooking and eating whole foods. I’m not completely new to the concept (I’ve always loved to cook) but am coming at it from a whole new perspective. I welcome all input!

Newsflash: I Love My Life (no caveats)

2009-07-10T11:20:00.001-04:00

For years I’ve thought that if I could just change this one thing about me (my weight) all would be well. In an otherwise charmed existence, this was my one cross to bear. Other people had “real” problems, what did I have to complain about? Just devote my energy to getting this one thing under control and I would be golden. After reading this amazing post at Shapely Prose, I came to the conclusion that this was a spectacular waste of time.

What exactly was I waiting for? What was magically going to change when I lost weight? Would I find a husband? (no, got that…) Would I get more friends and be super popular? (I have plenty, thank you…) Would I be adored by the masses on the street? (I actually HATE that, you know, to be noticed and accosted by strangers…) Was I going to travel and have tons of fun? (hmmm… already had that experience…)

So what was it? I guess my Fantasy of Being Thin just involved feeling GOOD about myself and within my own skin. It was about feeling powerful and healthy and confident. It meant looking good in clothes (and without them!) and just reveling in being me. I’ve come to the conclusion that all of those things have to do with my state of MIND, not the state of my body. It seems so basic that I could literally laugh at all the angst I’ve put myself through.

Over the past 6 months or so since I’ve added some strength training to the yoga I already adored doing, I’ve noticed a change not only in my body but how I feel about it. Although I haven’t lost any weight and have probably gained some (I no longer weigh myself), I’ve noticed subtle changes in my body composition. It’s nothing drastic or probably even noticeable to others. But *I* notice and feel different: stronger, more toned, less wobbly.

I’ve found myself getting a kick out of buying clothes again, something I haven’t been able to do for years. Between the financial concerns and the feeling that anything I bought would be temporary (because I’d be losing weight, of course), I didn’t invest too much in it. What a joy it is to find something that makes me feel good right now, as I am now. I got the best bathing suite ever and I can’t wait to sport it on vacation. Who knew that I was capable of feeling that way about a swim suite!

I AM powerful, healthy, and confident. I am that way RIGHT NOW. And none of those qualities come from my ability to semi-starve my body into submission. So instead of devoting my energy to getting this one (weight) thing under control, I have boundless energy to devote to living this wonderful, amazing life I am blessed to enjoy.

Fat Women LESS Likely to Have Premature Babies?

2009-06-30T12:42:00.003-04:00

A study discussed by Sandy Szwarc at Junk Food Science totally blew my mind. For years, I have been fraught with fears of getting pregnant while still in the obese category. I thought, if only I could lose some weight before having children, everything would be better – I’d be healthier, my baby would be healthier. I also thought about how I could eat in healthy way so that I wouldn’t gain too much weight while pregnant. And it goes without saying that I’d do my best to shed those excess pounds after delivery. I just couldn’t fathom getting bigger than I am already.

First goal: lose weight before getting pregnant.

Second goal: don’t gain too much weight when I do.

Third goal: work to lose pregnancy weight after birth.

I am literally in tears thinking about how much time I wasted trying to lose weight for this reason only to learn (from the study discussed in the link above):

The CDC researchers also found that fat women with BMIs in the ‘obese’ category and high weight gain (>1.5 pounds/week) were associated with the lowest risks for preterm deliveries of all (2.4%): less than half the risks seen among those of average weights and weight gain. While some believe fat women should gain less weight during pregnancy, they found that low pregnancy weight gain for obese women raised their risks for preterm deliveries to 9.3%.

And of COURSE I’d want to lose weight after having my first child, right? More from the article linked above:

Another point noted in this new study that may have come as a revelation was that researchers had previously shown that weight loss after a pregnancy can increase a woman’s risk of having a preterm delivery with her next pregnancy.

This one article alone has challenged me to question all that I thought I knew about weight and pregnancy. I can’t say that I’ve completely let go of my fears of weight GAIN. It’s scary to think that it is not only inevitable but actually preferable that I would indeed gain weight when carrying my first child. Sitting here at my highest weight (I’ve reached it before but never exceeded it, that I know of), I can’t imagine it.

While following a path of intuitive eating, I recognize that I may release some weight as my body normalizes and lets go of any excess that is not needed. I know that paradoxically, if I focus on that as a goal, I’m least likely to see that happen. But I still hope… I genuinely still believe that it would be healthier for me to start having children at a lower weight. Whether this is true or not, I cannot say.

The important thing for me to take from this is that no matter what, I am following the path I need to take. If it leads to me to getting smaller in the long run, if that’s where my body will be healthiest, great. If not, this is encouraging news that I may not be putting myself and my future child in harm’s way.

I was comforted to be reminded:

For most of human history, fat has been life-sustaining and a sign of a woman’s ability to bear and nurture children. Obesity continues to be shown to have a protective relationship for carrying a baby to term in the soundest studies, as these researchers confirmed...

…the welfare of all babies and improving their chances for healthy futures should be the primary concern, not whether their mums are fat. All babies deserve a healthy start and all mothers-to-be deserve good prenatal care… and the very best information.

It is true that the Cute Man and I have delayed having children for many reasons (getting our finances together was a biggy), but I must admit that this is the one that really stopped me in my tracks. With so much information out there, it is indeed hard to know what to believe. However, the studies discussed in this article have really spurred a lot of thought. I am interested in any other perspectives you may want to share!

Food for Thought (pun intended)

2009-06-18T17:22:00.002-04:00

I came across an incredible post by Kate Harding at Shapely Prose that explains how intuitive eating (what she calls demand feeding) works and why it is so important. I was going to pull out a quote to illustrate, but really, if you’re at all interested, just go read Devouring the World. Like Kate, and many others, I’ve had the fear that if I just let go of the strings holding me back, there’d be no end to my gluttony and I’d keep gaining weight indefinitely (read about why that’s unlikely at Can Just Anyone Weigh 400 lbs?) I’m starting to really get it and the fear is subsiding more and more each day.

My Body: A Guide to Where I Want to Go

2009-06-17T11:36:00.004-04:00

My body is really trying to tell me that something is out of whack. I only experience heartburn when my eating is what I used to call “out of control”. It’s when I’m eating more processed foods and less fruits and veggies. While working on making peace with food, I’ve eaten my fill of these types of things. It’s good to take that power away from them but it’s starting to take its toll. Since I only get indigestion when out of balance, I don’t keep antacids or anything in the house. Usually eating a mint helps enough to let me sleep (it really only happens at night, when it does happen).

However, the last couple of nights have been bad. I read somewhere that a teaspoon of baking soda dissolved in water helps to neutralize the acid. And it does! It helped a lot the past couple of nights. It tastes nasty but it works. But the more important thing is, it’s a clear message. I’ve been slowly working more fruits, veggies, and whole grains back into my diet. I’m trying to work from a place of abundance rather than attempt to restrict myself (we all know how THAT goes…) As a result, I’ve started ordering my weekly (mostly local) produce delivery and having those fresh ingredients around again has helped. I’m looking forward to clearing my system out somewhat.

I’m trying to remember that it’s not all or nothing, that this is a process and that I’m just trying to take care of myself in a better way. Letting go of the goal of weight loss has been such a relief to me. Just thinking about that brings tears to my eyes. I feel so great just the way I am now – why was I waiting for my body to change in order to be a peace with myself? So silly, in retrospect. I AM happy and it’s so good to just revel in that.

I still have the niggling fear of weight gain, though. It will take time for that to subside a bit. I feel my body filling out more and sometimes that does scare me. I don’t like that I’m finding some yoga poses a bit more difficult, for instance. I just try to tell myself that this is part of the process. I have to allow my body the room to equalize on its own time and that it might have to expand before it feels safe enough to release what it doesn’t need.

When I think of where I want to be, I don’t see thinness. This is a bit of breakthrough… When I think of where I want to be, I visualize strength, stability, and flexibility. I think of how I’d like my body to be able to move and feel. I think of my strong vital body several years ago when I was able to complete a marathon. I think of the ease I had when doing yoga. I don’t think of those times with nostalgia or regret that I am no longer there. I think of them as inspiration of what I am capable of…

The difference between those memories and what I envision for myself now is in the process. Previously, I got there through single minded, all encompassing dieting. I only inhabited that space for a short time before “real life” came back full throttle. Now, I’d like to work towards better health and fitness with a more sustainable approach, one that will be my way to life. I don’t think it’s likely that I will reach the place I did through dieting – my set-point is likely higher than that. And that’s OK. What I’m looking to recapture is how I FELT, not how I looked. I know I’m on the right path and that I will get there, if I listen to the expert, ME.

Navigating away from the Diet Mentality: What about My Dieting Friends?

2009-06-08T13:21:00.005-04:00

Learning about Intuitive Eating truly was an eye-opening experience for me but it’s not just something that happened, it’s a (probably lifelong) process of healing and learning to trust myself. It’s a strange new world where I’m in the driver’s seat. I’m not 100% sure where I’ll end up, but I’m sure enjoying the ride a whole lot more. Halleluiah, praise the Lord! I can’t wait to share the good news!

That the danger, anyway. I’ve found the answer! Time to let everyone know the truth! But maybe not. I’m just at the very start of beginning to figure this all out. I am definitely sold on the fact that diets don’t work (in any fashion, even those touted as lifestyle changes). Anything that uses an outside mechanism to dictate how I should eat is doomed to fail and keep me on the hamster wheel of yo-yo dieting. I get it. But it’s a lot harder to LIVE it. I’m swimming against a tide of my own habits, friends’ behaviors, and general societal pressure. I may indeed do all this emotional work and wind up, *gasp*, still fat. I’m OK with that. If that’s where my body needs to be for me to be a happy person, I’ll take it. I do trust that by letting go of the obsession to lose weight, I will indeed wind up releasing some of the “extra” padding that makes me feel uncomfortable. But that is secondary to getting my life back from the all-consuming quest of weight loss. I seriously almost don’t know what to do with myself now that I don’t spend so much time worrying about and planning what to eat. It’s a whole new world!

But back to my point. Sure, I’m working through this and I’ve looked to many sources of support – from books, to audio programs, to online forums. I spend some time devoted to thinking about IE and looking for new info about it. But not NEARLY what I had spent previously on the diet quest. And a lot of that time was spent with my wonderful friends at the Weight Watchers board. Over the past few years I’ve gotten to know them not only as online weight loss buddies, but as amazing people.

So what now? Although I don’t think it would be healthy for me to continue hanging out on a weight loss board, that doesn’t mean they aren’t my friends anymore. The good thing about being a rational, thinking adult is that it’s OK to not agree 100% with everything that your friends believe or do. I am fully aware that each person is entitled to find their own path to health and happiness. I think I’ve found a good one for me, who am I to say what would work for someone else? If anyone else finds that the path they’re on no longer works, I’m here to talk about what I have found. I think the best method of spreading the word is to live well and be happy. If that appeals to others, they’ll have no problem coming to me about it.

I particularly like this quote from the Fat Nutritionist:

Your shit is your shit to figure out, and sometimes the only way out is through. In fact, the way I came to the place of relative peace I now inhabit with my body was by experiencing dieting in all its fucked-upness. I am not about to take that learning opportunity away from you, if you feel you need it. And if, in the end, you decide dieting is really not a tool of the devil, and you have no particular problem with it? Then whatever. I still won’t have a particular problem with you, either, unless you make it my problem.

No, I don’t agree with it, but we don’t have to agree. We just have to love each other, and thankfully we really, really do.

I couldn’t say it better myself! (((HUGS)))

Making Peace with Food and My Finances

2009-05-28T14:04:00.000-04:00

It just occurred to me that this process of making peace with food is having not only a mental/emotional/health impact, but a financial one as well. As I worked to get my finances under control, I came up with a series of habits that really helped keep me on track. Chief among them were the habits related to food shopping. I almost always had a shopping list and I found it very helpful to shop for two weeks at a time, with very few if any in-between forays to the store. I did get fresh produce delivered on the off weeks to keep that stuff stocked.

However, over the past couple of months I’ve started to see a shift. Part of that is a conscious move away from meticulous money tracking – a gift I gave myself for having resolved most of my issues and gotten into an established saving pattern. With that, came a more relaxed shopping list and more frequent trips to the store. The additional cost was not significant at first, which was gratifying. Even going on autopilot, I spent about the same as usual.

Over the past couple of weeks, though, I’ve noticed that I’m stopping at the store a LOT. This is mostly to indulge cravings and round out meals I planned to prepare. In my effort to make peace with food, I have been indulging whims in my eating and shopping habits in a way that I have not in a long time. I have not totaled up with amount of spending but it “feels” like I’m spending more.

I know that this phase is just that, a phase of my healing where I need to indulge myself a little bit. I need to feel like nothing is off limits and what I want really is worth an extra trip to the store. I am fortunate to be tackling this issue at a time when money is not nearly as tight as it once was. This gives me a freedom for which I’m grateful.

At the same time I know I’m out of balance. I can feel it. I am eating a bit too much and I’m spending a bit too much. After taking some time to really let loose, I feel pulled toward the middle. I crave the feeling that comes with being in tune with not only what my body wants (ice cream!) but what it also needs (vegetables!) What’s different now is that instead of looking to some program (Weight Watchers/counting calories) to tell me how to find that balance, I’m looking inward to find the answer. Now that I’m actually listening, the message is starting to get through.

Although things (my eating/finances) are a bit out of whack right now, it’s OK. I realize that’s just part of how this process unfolds. I need to trust myself to move through this in whatever way feels right to me. I think I’m finally starting to really trust that food will always be there for me when I’m hungry – that the days of restriction are over. Once that completely truly sinks in, I know that the urge to eat half a box of Grasshoppers will subside :D

Making Peace with Food: Harder than I Thought

2009-05-26T12:41:00.000-04:00

As I move through the process of learning how to eat intuitively, I am struggling to deal with its most fundamental concept – making peace with food. That is the underlying premise of this whole thing! On the one hand, it is really exciting to eat things that I’ve previously restricted. I always thought that I wasn’t “too bad” about all that – I let myself have treats, but tried to limit/control them. But throughout the last week, I’ve found myself bumping up against beliefs I didn’t even really consciously acknowledge. I find myself thinking of buying/eating a food and initially dismissing it as out of hand (a box of Mint Milanos or Oreos, white pasta with Alfredo sauce. These things are just too bad (at least in my head). I am working to let these beliefs go – I know they are only hurting me. The Alfredo sauce only has power and is so tantalizing because I don’t allow myself to eat it. So, I guess I know what I’ll be buying at the store later…

I keep reading that this diet-backlash phase is normal and that I have to allow myself to move through it naturally. It’s OK that the majority of what I’m eating is “play food”. It won’t last forever. Eventually, if I really listen to my body, I’ll start to crave/want good for me stuff, too. But I’m not there yet and rushing it doesn’t work. I’m starting to get an inkling of this, though. I don’t like how I felt last night after eating too much ice cream after a larger dinner. Thinking about not wanting to repeat that feeling (bloated, uncomfortable) is a learning experience. I am retraining myself to not think of it as a “bad night” or that I messed up, somehow. I know it’s just one of the learning experiences that will help me retune my relationship with food. That shift in thinking is a big milestone for me.

At some point, my body will get the message that I will never restrict its food again. It needs to feel secure in the fact that another diet isn’t right around the corner as was the case previously. When I finally accept that food will always be readily available, I’ll be able to chill out in trying to get it all in. Knowing from others’ experience that it will happen doesn’t make it any less scary to be on the other side of it, waiting for it to kick in. There’s still a part of me that wonders if I’ll just keep eating and eating indefinitely and just get bigger and bigger. Intellectually, I understand that’s not what will happen, but emotionally, it’s the fear I’ve clung to for so long, that it’s hard to recalibrate my brain.

So for today, I’ll try not to think too much about it and just enjoy my food. Fried chicken and spaghetti with regular pesto sauce! It’s funny how I always said I didn’t know how to make fried chicken – I just didn’t allow myself to do it right. It is so good!

Fear of Weight Gain: How I'm working to Overcome it with Intuitive Eating

2009-05-22T14:05:00.004-04:00

My biggest fear as I start this new process is that giving myself permission to eat what and how much I want will result in weight GAIN. This is horrifying to my diet-saturated mind. How can I risk it? Wouldn’t it be safer just to go back to counting calories? These are the questions and the mentality that I have to contend with within my own head. At this point, I need to just let go and move through the process without focus on the outcome.

So for all that fear, it turns out that it probably WILL happen. And it won’t necessarily be a bad thing. I came across an amazing post at Through Thick and Thin, an Intuitive Eating Forum, where one of the administrators, Shannon, explains what to expect when first letting go of fearing food and honoring hunger:

“…The key is to relax in this phase; to understand that your body has suffered a lot of abuse and needs to become acclimated to regular feeding. If you give your body this reprieve, you will find that any weight gain experienced is minimal and will rapidly level off. With consistent feeding, your body will feel secure that there is no impending food shortage and will begin to release its fat stores. If you can find some time to do some strength exercise; whether lifting weights, or using calisthenics and the natural weight of your body for resistance; you can begin to rebuild the muscle tissue that was lost through dieting. Replenishing muscle tissue will restore the efficiency of your metabolism; facilitating more timely healing…

…What is pertinent to recognize is that after years of disregarding your body and its needs, there is a physiological balancing that needs to take place. It may take some time for your body to readjust and you owe your body the space to make this shift. You owe your body at least this respect. It has been through a lot. What has been the pursuit of a physical ideal for you, has been a taxing crisis for your body. If you stick with intuitive eating and focus on your healing process; relinquishing the physical goal; you will find that naturally and effortlessly, your body will reach a size and shape that is healthy for you. Don't burden your body with a time constraint for this healing to manifest. Surrender to the wisdom of your body.”

Over the past few days of reading about intuitive eating in the book and on the forum, I’m starting to calm down a bit with this fear. I have come to the conclusion that I am doing the right thing, no matter what. Even if I never shed an ounce. Even if it means living in an even bigger body. If I focus on taking care of myself and being as healthy as possible, I will be a much happier person. The issue is not about my size or shape but about my health and happiness. If I concentrate on that, the rest will take care of itself.

I no longer have the conviction that if I stopprd my intermittent attempts at weight loss, my weight would go up indefinitely. I now understand that is untrue – if I finally start listening to my own body, my own intuition about what to eat and how to move, I’ll settle at a healthy place for my particular body. Where ever that set-point winds up to be will be OK. How wonderful to learn that it is possible to trust myself. It is possible to heal. Knowing that I will never go on another diet again is so freeing.

Personal Finance at the Dentist

2009-05-20T11:23:00.001-04:00

I loathe dental procedures. The last time I had fillings, I came out in a full blown anxiety attack. This is a rare thing for me and truly a frightening experience. I went in to have three fillings done. The first Novocain shot didn’t work properly and I jumped about a foot when the drill started in on the tooth. The dentist yelled at me for jumping, which was dangerous, and gave me another shot. Although I was physically numb for the fillings after that, I holding in the emotional trauma from the first experience. Tears were literally spilling out the whole time.

When I got out to the car, I completely LOST it. I had a total breakdown, sobbing for at least a half an hour before I could even think about driving away. Meanwhile, Cute Man had also just experienced worse procedures, including a tooth extraction, but he was comparatively OK. I was a mess. I did not return to a dentist for something like 4 years (I’m just guessing based on how long I’ve been with Cute Man).

Thanks to some great advice from Megan at Counting My Pennies I managed to make an appointment at the Bethesda Dental Spa. They were supposed to be sensitive to anxiety issues, etc. and offer sedation for services, if you want. Although the cost of all-out sedation was out of my realm, I opted to try nitrous oxide during my two fillings yesterday. It cost an additional $140.00 since it’s not covered by insurance but that is money well spent, I tell you. If nothing else, it made me concentrate on my breathing and I took deep breathes continuously, which is calming in itself. Regardless if it was just that, the placebo effect, or whatever, it was so much better. I was calm the whole time and got through with little anxiety. The only anxiety I had was the stress in anticipation of this dreaded experience in the weeks since my cleaning. Now, if I ever again need fillings, I won’t have that issue either, since I know what to expect now.

It may seem like a waste of money to spend $140.00 for something that’s not strictly medically necessary, but for me, the peace of mind it gave me was priceless. Thanks again, Megan, for letting me know about this!

A 180 on Weight

2009-05-18T13:28:00.003-04:00

As happy as I was with the Daily Plate, I realized that there was something just not “right” about my approach. I’ve felt it deep down for a long time, but I’ve been way too scared to really confront it. I got a taste of it when I started with the Beck Diet. The suggestion that I needed to sit and just eat my meals was somehow just too much for me. I tend to read or watch TV while eating… I know this isn’t conducive to healthy eating, but I felt like it was habit I just couldn’t break. That resistance spelled the death knell for the Beck approach.

So I went back to what works – calorie restriction. On a very basic level, this does indeed work. When I eat less than I burn, the scale goes down. It’s just very difficult to maintain, even when the goal is reasonable and not extreme. I found myself cycling through periods of sticking with it and then falling off a cliff into binges where I’d just tune out, eating what I wanted. However, there was no relief in those periods, either. I wasn’t free of worrying about my weight and eating, it just went underground making me feel guilty and bad about the fact that I wasn’t counting what ate. That definitely took a lot of the pleasure out of whatever it was I was binging on, leading me to eat even more, to make myself feel better. This, of course, didn’t really work so I’d work myself back up to counting again and being “good”. Around and around we go…

I did all of this because I was searching for the numbers (calories eaten vs. burned, the scale) to tell me what to do. I was looking outside of myself for guidance on how to fix myself. Since I’ve been overweight for as long as I can remember, there must be something fundamentally broken about the way I interact with food. The thought of trusting myself with how much I should eat and when never occurred to me. When I heard about Intuitive Eating, I thought, “that’s such a great idea – for someone else”. There was just no way I’d be able to figure out what to eat without some serious math involved!

I know that sounds silly, but it is indeed a deeply held belief that I have. I am untrustworthy around food. If there is a lot food around, I will inevitably eat it. If there are snacks in the house, I will eat them all. So, the best thing is to avoid these situations – eat before I go to a party so I can just eat something small and be OK – refrain for bringing anything “bad” into the house.

I just took a look at myself and asked, is this really working, though? In my heart, I heard a loud NO. I am not happy, I am not thin, and most importantly – I’m not as healthy as I want to be. Something isn’t clicking. This led me to buy the Health at Every Size book. It was really eye opening and I read it through in a single day. I loved the philosophy but I was gripped with fear. What if I stop “trying” and I just balloon up? I loved the HAES idea but felt it was a little short on what exactly I should do. To help myself get a grip on how to get started, I am reading more about Intuitive Eating. I am ready to find a way back to trusting myself. It’s something I’ll have to re-learn but I’m willing to start.

The first thing I’m concentrating on is letting go of my fear of food. I am embracing the idea of eating what I want. When I allow myself to do that, the “bad” food loses its allure. (This is the theory and I’m just starting to experiment with this). If I know I can have oreos anytime I want, there is no need to eat 15 of them at a sitting. I’ll let you know how this goes. It is the most frightening thing I’ve done in my weight loss quest. Eat what I WANT? How bazaar! It started well, though, with the homemade brownies and ice cream I allowed myself to make and eat last night. (Scary, I know!) But you know what? I really didn’t go crazy with it. I had a single serving and felt great about it. Imagine!

Today, I focused on Honoring my Hunger and stopping when I was just satisfied. I ate without distractions and really enjoyed the stew I brought for lunch. I ate it mindfully and stopped about ¾ through because I’d had enough. It was an amazing accomplishment. Without fail, I always eat my entire Tupperware container-full – mostly just because it’s there and it’s the amount I had pre-counted calorie-wise. Instead, I am working on listening to my inner voice as to when I’m hungry or full. I am building a bit more confidence in my ability to do this.

Lastly, I found an Intuitive Eating group on Facebook and an online Forum for it as well. I think that interacting with “real” people who are doing this will help tremendously. I know that two of the wonderful bloggers I follow mostly eat in this way – Sally from Aprovechar and FT from Notes from the Frugal Trenches. I have always admired this ability and hope to join them in the endeavor. Has anyone else tried this approach? If so, how do you feel about it?

Calorie Tracking: What Works for Me

2009-05-13T16:58:00.005-04:00

As I’ve mentioned before, FitDay is a calorie tracker which I’ve used with great success. However, a friend mentioned another free online one at the Daily Plate (thanks, Julie!) so I decided to check it out. It is much more user friendly and seems to have a far more extensive database of foods and activities. AND, it says I can eat more food :)

We’ve got a winner, folks! I’ve been really dragging lately and having a hard time logging in all of my food. I start out well during the day but develop selective memory in the evenings. Having a fresh new fun tool will help reinvigorate my efforts (one can hope!) The best game plan for me is always to pre-track what I plan to eat later that evening. I did that today so I’m off to a good start.

One of the toughest things for me and for a lot of people, I guess, is when I’m out of my routine. When I know I’m going home to cook and eat my own food, I can plan pretty easily. But when I’m going out for some social occasion, it gets a little dicier. At least I know what I can plan on for the Personal Finance bloggers get-together tomorrow – it’s half price night for burgers where we’re meeting :) And that’s OK, awesome in fact, because I know in advance and can plan around it. Knowing I have a juicy burger to look forward to makes it WAY easier to eat lighter during the day.

For a little insight on today’s progress, here are some excerpts from “My Plate”:

I’m always up for learning about new fun strategies and tools for weight loss – anybody discover anything new lately?

Snapshot of Financial Health

2009-05-08T11:40:00.002-04:00

While chilling over at Budgets are Sexy, I ran across this CNN Money tool that gives you a snapshot of your overall financial health in a nutshell. While J. scored a B+, I came in just under that with a B:

I feel great about all the debt I’ve eliminated and am pleased to have scored so high considering how bad things were 5 years ago. I am most concerned about building up emergency savings. The issues with life insurance (not even sure if it’s accurate – I don’t remember the amount I get through work) and retirement savings are on the back burner. That’s what personal finance is all about – figuring out what important to me and making my money work towards my goals.

Right now, Cute Man and I are focused on saving up to buy a house/condo and start a family. Once those things actually come into play, I’ll certainly look into the life insurance piece more carefully, but for right now, it’s not a concern. As things stand now, each of us could handle the rent/expenses on our own, if need be. As for retirement savings, I think it’s important not to leave money on the table so I’m contributing what I need to get the employer match. I had been contributing more, but I cut it back in favor of building the E-fund and saving to buy a house. We simply can’t do everything so we prioritized. I feel good that I am putting money away each check for retirement but I know that it’s not a whole lot. Thank goodness for compound interest, at least.

So how’s your financial health? Have you tried the tool and did you think it was an accurate indicator?

Serious Recommitment or Day 7 of the 10 Day Challenge

2009-05-01T16:14:00.001-04:00

OK, so this challenge hasn’t worked out the way I’d hoped. Let’s face it, I’ve been off track. As you can see from this weight goal graph, things were going swimmingly up until mid-late April. Those high squiggles above the line are NOT good.

After an awesome conversation with a friend today, I realize that I have been trying too hard (yet again) and derailing myself in the process. Why did I think that “shooting” for 1500 calories was a good daily goal? I *know* myself. I tend to give up when I go over. So… I have reevaluated a few things. First of all, I’m changing my goal to a straight 1 lb per week pace (as opposed to 1.25lbs or 5lbs per month). That is a great, slow-and-steady pace to shoot for. I’m also going to work on keeping my calorie intake to between 1700-1750 calories per day – the amount FitDay recommends to achieve that 1 lb per week pace, even without added exercise.

The exercise that I do will help offset any small overages but I think this is a more attainable way to go about this. This plan will take me below 200lbs by the end of the year. I can live with that!

Back from the Brink or Day 3 of the 10 Day Challenge

2009-04-27T11:17:00.000-04:00

OK, so I got off to a good start with that Jillian workout. But I basically fell off a cliff into a binge yesterday. It started with a little overindulgence at dinner Saturday night with Cute Man. But it pretty much snowballed yesterday. I can blame PMS all I want but it won’t change the result.

So now I’ve ‘fessed up and feel better :) There’s no use dwelling on what was wrong with this past weekend. I’m ready to get myself back together starting NOW. Having the routine of the workweek certainly helps. My goal for today is to just eat the food I’ve pre-planned and just relax with it. There’s no sense of punishing myself for “bad” behavior, rather it makes more sense just to get back at it. So here I am :)

Tonight is my circuit training class so I feel good that I have some serious exercise planned. It always gives my confidence a boost. So what’s your motivation for today? Please share in the comments.

Jillian Michaels is the Devil or Day 1 of the 10 Day Challenge

2009-04-25T16:03:00.003-04:00

Day 1 is off to a good start. I have gotten in a good (though punishing) workout. My trainer is out of town so I had to improvise today. I took advantage of my Comcast on Demand and loaded up Jillian's newest workout aimed at boosting metabolism. There was a lot of cardio in there to keep my heart pumping for the almost full hour workout. The cool thing was that it didn't require any equipment, just body weight resistance. It did the trick, I can tell you!

As for my food intake, I am doing OK so far. I'm having a "hungry" day so I had both a substantial breakfast (an egg plus english muffin with jam) and lunch (a buffalo burger on a whole wheat bun with a salad). I am fine with eating at the top of my range today as long as I stay accountable and keep track. Participating in this challenge is a good way to combat the head in the sand temptation.

I'll soon be off to a movie with Cute Man so challenges will abound. Since I just ate, I should be OK for awhile and should be able to make some good choices, even if we wind up eating out for dinner. I'll through a luna bar in my bag just in case I "have to have something" at the movie. I'll check in later or tomorrow morning. I hope you're all enjoying the weekend!

The Ten Days Towards Health Challenge

2009-04-24T11:56:00.002-04:00

Well, FT from Notes from the Frugal Trenches threw down the gauntlet today by starting this challenge. The plan is to document food eaten and exercise accomplished for each of the next ten days. I will try to incorporate some photos, but I’m making no promises! The purpose is to increase mindfulness and help us make the best choices possible.

My goal is to keep my calories between 1500-1650 each day and to have planned meaningful activity on 7/10 days. I don’t have any specific goals of eating fruits and vegetables or protein. I find that when I’m mindful of what I’m eating and trying to stay within my calorie range, I naturally gravitate towards those things. I’m a volume eater – I like to eat. A LOT. As in, I like to eat large amount of food. As a result, fiber is my friend. I like filling up on a big bowl of vegetables or a salad and my go-to snacks are usually fruit. Protein is also good for keeping me full, so I tend to get a decent amount of that, too.

I’m not really changing much about how I’ve been working on losing weight lately, with this challenge. It’s more a way or adding some more accountability. I’ve been having a tough time staying on track the last couple of days and this should help me with that. If anyone else is interested in joining this challenge, just chime in on it in the comments!

I will start my reporting tomorrow, April 25th!

How Exercise Affects Weight Loss

2009-04-10T12:21:00.002-04:00

In today’s Hungry Girl Email, she explains how some fitness efforts can actually backfire, if you’re not careful:

“…research shows that people grossly overestimate how many calories they burn during exercise. Not only that, but physical activity often makes people hungry. And since we tend to think we've burned more calories than we really have, we can end up consuming MORE calories than we've burned.”

I have noticed this myself – big time. I started working out again in earnest last November. I joined the circuit training class with my trainer, Scott. I was exercising at least 3 times a week, but my eating was out of control. I was starting to feel better physically, but it wasn’t until January that I started to lose weight. What changed? I started tracking calories with FitDay so I was clear about the calorie restriction I was creating.

I loved seeing my calories burned per day go up so I thought, hey – why don’t I start exercising MORE? I was already doing the circuit training 3 times per week plus yoga 2 times per week. How about adding 3 or more extra cardio sessions to burn more calories? I started hitting the cardio machines (elliptical and/or treadmill) for 30-60 minutes BEFORE going to Scott’s class. I felt like I was so hardcore. The problem? I was ravenous!!! I was still tracking calories but I just couldn’t restrict myself down below 1650 per day. And often, I was reaching 1900-2000 calories eaten. That’s not horrible, and it was understandable considering how much I was working out. But what was the net effect? Not a whole lot. My rate of weight loss was about the same, if not a tad slower.

So, I came to the realization that I was wearing myself out needlessly. I was struggling to get through Scott’s workouts because I was already tired from a whole day of work plus an hour on the cardio machines. I was choosing quantity over quality and not really getting where I wanted to go. That led me to take a step back and reassess. Right now I’m sticking to the 3 training and 2 yoga sessions per week, for the most part, and filling in with cardio only when one of those things can’t happen – like when yoga was canceled on Tuesday, I did 45 minutes on the treadmill instead. I’ll also do the same today, Friday, because nothing else is scheduled and I feel like doing it (I know, who is this and what did she do with Amelia?) If I didn’t, I would take today off, too. Sunday is my mandatory rest day to let my muscles recover. I think that 5-6 times a week a just fine, thank you very much!

The issue is really about balance. Exercise was making me feel so great so would more just be even better? No, not so much. I’m back in a more realistic groove and the proof is in the results. I’ve found it much easier to stick with closer to 1500 calories each day and I’m not exhausted. Win-win. And if that wasn’t enough, the scale is showing me love, too. As of this morning, I’m down to 228.2 for a grand total of 15.5 lbs lost!

I am coming up on a pretty challenging weekend. I’m going to NJ to seeing my family. Between a nice dinner out with my Dad and Stepmother and the Passover Seder with my Mom and Grandmother, I’ll be surely tested. But like I found with exercise, balance is important. I have been 99% on point this week so I plan to loosen up a little over the weekend. I’ll use some WW shorthand in the manner of Points to track my intake – shooting for more of maintenance level of 2000 calories per day on Sat and Sun.

A Return to Using Credit

2009-04-09T16:42:00.000-04:00

After 5 years without having a credit card (that worked – I was paying off a bunch of old ones), I have bitten the bullet and gotten a new one. Am I scared that I’ll return to my old ways and run up a huge balance? Hell, no. I’m not the same person I was back when I was wracking it up. Rest assured that since then, I’ve learned through the bitter pill of experience what NOT to do with a credit card.

So, if I was going along so well for the past 5 years without a card, why start now? Well, it’s really about convenience. I am super proud of the emergency fund I’m building but it’s not that helpful at the side of the road when your car breaks down. ING takes several days to send the money back to my checking account. Having access to a credit card would allow me to use it in emergency situations and then continue to pay off the balance at the end of the billing cycle using my savings. It just adds a buffer.

Another reason I chose to get a new card is the rewards. I got an Amazon card because I seem to be using their site a lot lately. And with my Kindle habit, rewards in the form of Amazon gift cards will be great. I will always be able to use them. I’ll use the card instead of my debit card to get rewards points but pay the balance each month. This will also allow me to smooth out my spending instead of focusing on what’s available with each new paycheck. I’m going to try to release the kung fu grip I have on each penny. By this I don’t mean I’m going to start spending like a madwoman, but rather, I’ll take the focus off tracking every single transaction every single day. I’m pretty obsessive, really. I will still reconcile my receipts, etc. but maybe not as often.

We’ll see if this turns out to work or if I really just need to track everything meticulously like I’ve learned I need to (at least for now) with my food. Like I’ve mentioned before, the two issues are very similar for me but I’m much further along in my relationship with money than in the one I have with food. I think I’m ready to trust myself a little more to make good choices with my money without artificially imposing stop points (I’ve run out of spending money for this pay period so I can’t get ___). Of course, I’m not really out of money – it’s just someplace else. This tactic has worked well for me but I’m hoping that I’m ready to take the training wheels off. If I start careening downhill and find the brakes are shot, I can put them back on. I’ve gone back to tracking my intake carefully and I’ll do it for however long it takes for me to gain control over it (if ever). I’m fine with that. But I feel in my gut that I’ve grown financially and can handle it.

Savings Plan Revisited

2009-04-08T10:57:00.002-04:00

Just a few weeks ago, I came up with a plan to start a whole bunch of ING sub-accounts to help me save for irregular expenses such as presents, vacations, clothing purchases, etc. It seemed like a great idea and I even opened the accounts and set up the automatic withdrawals. But over this past weekend, Cute Man and I had a great talk about what we really want to do in terms of housing. We’ve lived together in our 1BR basement apartment for 5 years now. We love it and we love our landlady but it does lack a bit of privacy and space, especially for when we have a kid (no immediate plans, don’t get overexcited, Mom). So, we think it’s time to get serious about buying something.

Since our budget is small and we are both committed to avoiding consumer debt and long commutes, we’re thinking condo in DC. We don’t mind smaller spaces and I, for one, would rather pay a condo fee than deal with mowing the lawn, doing landscaping, etc. My ideal: 2 BR 2 BA close to a Metro with a parking spot. And I think I’d prefer a small building with just a few units over a large one, but we’ll see. I don’t necessarily need/want fancy amenities like fitness rooms, pools, etc. What is important is to have an updated kitchen and bathrooms. I’m NOT all about the home improvement projects.

The reason I think this is at all feasible anytime soon is that we’ll probably go through the NACA Program. They help low-moderate income people find homes and offer lots of counseling, assistance, etc. They also offer below market loan rates and no closing costs. The first step is to go to a workshop and we’ll do that next month. This will not be a quick process but a thorough one. I am very excited and can’t wait to get started.

One of the many important things they will require is that we save the difference between what we pay in rent now and our expected condo monthly cost (mortgage plus insurance, condo fee, and taxes – the complete monthly cost of ownership). This brings me to the main point of this post: how I’m adjusting my savings strategy.

First off, I’ve changed my 401k contribution back down to the minimum amount to get my employer’s match. That frees up a bit more funds to go into my savings strategy. Right now, my share of the rent is $470 per month. We’d like to keep our condo monthly cost to no more than $2000/month (my share = $1000). So, I need to up my monthly savings to at least $530. To do this, I’ve rearrange my biweekly contributions to go to these accounts:

Emergency Fund = $75
House Fund = $100
Family Fund* = $100

That brings me to $275 per check or $550 per month. I will also have a Trainer Fund to save up for that irregular expense that I pay quarterly as well as a Slush Fund that exists for fun stuff – that will be snowflaked rather than auto-deducted. But those two won’t “count” towards what I’m actually saving.

The great thing about the NACA plan is that we won’t necessarily have to put much if any money down or pay closing costs. Therefore, this money we’ve saved will all be there as backup as we start down the road of condo ownership. It will be a great hedge against our good friend Murphy, who I know likes to visit new homeowners all too frequently.

Since this is our first foray into the world of home buying, any and all advice is welcome! Have you recently bought a home in this market? Is there something we should really know before embarking on this plan? I am missing anything vital? Please share in the comments.

*This will be there to pad our budget if/when I ever need to take maternity leave, not all of which will necessarily be paid, depending on how long I take off.

First Quarter Update

2009-04-07T11:47:00.006-04:00

As of today, I’ve been tracking my weight, calories, and activity through FitDay for 3 full months! I feel so proud of myself for sticking with it. Although the process is not quick, it has been methodical. My goal is to lose an average of 5 pounds per month and I’m just shy of that average right now with a grand total of (drum roll, please!) 14.3lbs! I am very happy with my progress so far and with the fact that I haven’t given up when it (often) feels like I’m getting nowhere fast. I weigh myself daily but in terms of checking how I’m doing, the monthly number is the most meaningful to me.

The backbone of this whole process is monitoring what I eat. I have come to terms with the fact that I need to track my food meticulously in order to stay on track. I used to fight that truth and resent it to the point where I’d just give up. I’d think, “it’s just too much work! It’s so unfair that I have to do this. It’s not worth it.” I’ve found a way to let that go and just make it a part of my life. Keeping track of the money I spend isn’t necessary fun, either, but it’s key if I don’t want to overdraw my account. Part of being a grownup is doing things that are necessary, whether or not they’re fun.

To get an idea of what this looks like for me, here’s my food entry for today. You can see that I’ve already plotted out what I’m having the rest of the day. That makes things so much easier for me so I do it whenever possible. I also try to work in a treat at the end of the day. Today it’s a piece of chocolate with peanut butter. Yum!

One of the biggest changes I’ve made that has contributed to my success so far is the consistent exercise. The fitness class focused mostly on strength training that I take three times a week is the anchor of my schedule. That combined with yoga and some cardio really has me feeling so much better and much stronger. I did 18 (girl) push ups without stopping last night! My goal is to work up to 20, then start working on doing them with my legs straight. Here is a snapshot of my activity for today:

Although I haven’t changed sizes yet, I definitely feel better within the clothes that I have. Before starting up in January, I must admit that they were starting to show some strain. Now most are loose and comfortable but not sloppy. I did put on a pair of jeans on Saturday that I haven’t been able to wear in quite some time. That felt terrific. Last time I wore them, I was more like 215lbs (as opposed to my 229.4 today) so I know that the strength training is having a bigger effect than just making me stronger. I am toning up and building muscle.

Whoever first said that slow and steady wins the race was not kidding. Being patient is the hardest part of this whole journey. I’m good for one day and then wonder why I’m not down a pound the next. Unfortunately, it doesn’t work that way so looking at the cumulative effect is the only way to stay sane.

So these are my tricks of the trade. What works for you? What kinds of mental and physical obstacles have you hurdled to wrap you mind around getting healthier. Please share your tips/experience in the comments!

My First PF Blogger Happy Hour

2009-04-03T13:41:00.002-04:00

Although I was a nervous wreck as I headed into the pub last night, it turned out fabulous! J Money did a good recap of the evening and who was there so I won’t rehash it. It was such a hoot to see what everyone looks like and what they’re like in person (awesome).

Now I just have to get my butt back in gear and do some serious PF blogging. I’ve been a mite obsessed with the weight loss end of things lately, which is both good and bad. But a little balance may be in order. I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about how to maximize my savings and set things up for the future. I guess a post about that could be up next.

Eye on the Prize

2009-04-01T11:44:00.000-04:00

While watching the Biggest Loser show, it’s easy for me to get caught up in the drama of quick weight loss. Double digit losses, so exciting! But that’s not reality and it’s not the way to change habits for the long term. I know I’m doing this the best way I know how. I feel great and have tons more energy. It’s cool to feel my body getting stronger and see myself do things I just couldn’t do before (like pushups!)

From past experience, I know the pattern that I tend to follow when trying to lose weight. I tend to see a significant dip every couple of weeks. I’ll see a “small” number that is a new low for me only to go back up and hover at a higher weight for awhile. It’s frustrating but at least I know what’s going on. My current average is just slightly over 1 lb per week, which is great. I know this is going to take a long time and that’s OK.

I’m still using FitDay to track my calorie intake, activity, and weight each day. The habit is really ingrained in me now and it makes me feel in control of the situation. It’s empowering to know how much I’m taking in versus what I’m burning off. It keeps me in check and lends perspective to my food choices. If I have something extra, I have to cut something else out. It’s a balance, just like a budget for my finances.

The key to this process is definitely consistency. Consistency of tracking my food and in getting the activity I need. If I keep doing these two things, I will succeed. I’ve been sticking with my strength training class, going 3 times a week. I’ve stuck to yoga as well, which is twice a week. Over the past couple of weeks, I added in a lot more cardio, which seemed like a good idea at the time. But it wore me out and made me ravenous. More is not always better. And in the end, the pace of my weight loss remained unchanged. So, I’m sticking with what works and will avoid overdoing it to try to speed things up. Patience is not my forte but it’s what will take me where I want to go.

Getting to Know Myself

2009-03-04T14:21:00.001-05:00

It seems like a no-brainer. I should know what I like, what I’m good at, right? But it’s not always so clear cut, at least for me. I have made many mistakes and wrong turns in my career and lifestyle that clearly show that I had NO CLUE what I really liked or what I wanted. I think the problem lies in separating out the things that I admire and wish I liked or wanted from reality.

A simple example that struck me just today was that I often think about how much I’d love to have a small vegetable garden at home so I could grow and have some fresh produce. My grandfather did that and it was wonderful. But if that’s so, why haven’t I made any effort at all to do that in my current back yard? My landlady has such a garden and clearly needs help tending it. Our neighbors, who grow a lot of food and even have bee hives, do most of it for her. But have I ever made one move to get involved? No. And when I see articles such as The GRS Garden Project: February 2009 Update I page right by. I’m not interested. So what makes me think I should have a vegetable garden?

I’ve also done jobs that, in hindsight, were completely off the mark in terms of jiving with my personality. I love working with children but the constant stress, never-ending paperwork, and standing on my feet all day life of being a teacher is just not for me. What was I thinking? I did that for a total of 4 years, even returning to it after doing something else for a time after that first year. Then, I took a managerial job at a salon – again completely stressful and involved running around all day. Was I delusional? I’ve finally learned from these missteps and found a place where I can be myself, be competent, and not have to be in charge of managing others 100% of the time. Halleluiah.

It is important that I face the fact of my true nature and not try to impose visions of what I think I should be. I’ve always loved working with kids – I should be a teacher! Not so much. I love fresh delicious food – I should grow a garden! Maybe not. I want a happy family-centered life – my husband and I should buy a house! Hmm… maybe I should look a little more clearly at what I actually want in my life. Do I want a family? Yes. Do I want children? Probably. Do I want a house and yard to take care of? Not particularly. I have tantrums just getting myself to clean the bathroom occasionally in our little apartment. What the heck would I do in a large house? Yes, I do know cleaning services exist and I’m still praying to win that argument with Cute Man about employing one when we have more space to take care of. And I know that at least some more space is necessary when we start having kids, but how much? Would a small condo with a great location close to work and little upkeep make more sense? I’m beginning to realize that the real me, not the vision of me, wants to keep things small and manageable with as few household responsibilities as possible. And that’s OK. Everyone, including me, will be happier dealing with reality rather than pushing up against the expectations of a fantasy.

10 Pounds!

2009-02-27T10:24:00.000-05:00

To think, tracking and cutting my calories plus exercise = weight loss! It’s revolutionary, my friends. I am on a bit of high right now. I couldn’t believe it when I stepped on the scale this morning. I’ve officially lost 10.7 lbs since I started tracking with FitDay on January 7th. I’ve added in more cardio this week (30 minutes 3 x per week), which seems to be helping. The circuit training and yoga was helping me tone up but it wasn’t burning the calories as much as I wanted.

I’ve spent a lot of time resisting this process in the past. I think I just rebelled against having to do the necessary work. It seemed so unfair that I’d have to work so hard. I’ve finally let go of that and just buckled down. There is no simple “cutting back, moving more” for me. It doesn’t happen without concerted, focused attention. What works: tracking every single bite, exercising a minimum of 5 times/week, and embracing these changes as something positive instead of a punishment.

I think there is a tipping point of inertia – for the first couple of months, the workouts wore me out. I was motivated and consistent, but drained from “having” to do them. But at a certain point, things tipped and now I feel better due to all the activity. I’ve noticed this week in particular, that I’m less tired in the morning and I drink a bit less coffee throughout the day. I need to stay with this flow and keep up the consistency. I know far too well that it takes very little for me to completely derail and wind up on the wrong side of the inertia pull.

Thanks to everyone who is supporting me in this. Despite so many past failures, you’ve all pushed me to believe that I can do this, no matter what.

Creating Savings Sub-Accounts

2009-02-20T16:32:00.002-05:00

I’ve had an ING savings account for awhile now, but have never set up any sub-accounts. I just didn’t see the point. But after reading JD’s post about prioritizing savings goals at Get Rich Slowly, I’m coming around to the idea. It would be great for things like saving up to buy clothes and shoes. It’s always hard to go make any sort of major wardrobe upgrade without decimating the spending money set aside for that particular pay period. Saving up a bit out of each check to then go and spend all at once would be MUCH more fun. The same would be true for vacations, presents, and pampering (things like massages). If I created accounts for those things, the money would just build over time, so I’d have decent chunks of money available when the various needs arise.

I also like JD’s idea of “snowflaking” when it comes to savings. It’s similar to the debt snowball but uses the concept to augment savings goals in a way that prioritizes them. Any extra money not spent at the end of a pay period would go into the sub-account currently with the highest priority, while all the others would just get the minimum amount set as an automatic transfer. When the first priority goal is met, the extra funds would be rolled over to the next highest.

Right now, I put $200 into my one ING “emergency” fund with each bi-weekly check. Many small things have come up lately and that fund hasn’t grown much beyond my initial goal of $1000. That amount seems sufficient for most unexpected things (knock wood!) but I’d like it to grow to about $2500. To reach that level by this time next year, I will put $60/check. I also realize that I’ll inevitably make withdrawals at some points, but I will make sure to snowflake money back into it after that so I can stay on track.

Here’s how I will allocate my bi-weekly auto-transfers to the new sub-accounts:

Emergency Fund: $60
Wardrobe*: $25
Presents: $25
Vacations: $25
Pampering: $25
House: $40

Total transfers each check: $200

*Snowflakes will go toward wardrobe right now. It needs HELP.

I think this plan will take some of the stress out of the main draws on my spending cash: clothes, shoes, presents, pampering, and vacations. So, in essence, I’ll still be spending much of this money – it’ll just be in a more controlled, easier to manage way. And the great thing is that in the end, it’s still all my money. In reality, should I (god-forbid) find myself in a true emergency, all of these funds would be available to carry me through. ING sub-accounts, here I come!

The Power of Positive Thoughts

2009-02-19T16:13:00.001-05:00

In my yoga class today, the instructor spoke to us about how positive thoughts can actually help release feel-good hormones into our bloodstream. And of course, the opposite is true as well. That negative interior monologue that tends to chastise and rebuke, has a physical manifestation as well. Being aware of this inner critic, I try to keep her at bay – I know she’s doing me no favors. But there is nothing like trying to lose weight to get her going. Any misstep or overindulgence pumps up the volume on these types of thoughts. I try to banish them but they come back from time to time anyway, always at my most vulnerable moment.

In Step Four of Sally’s Year of Self Care, she addresses this phenomenon at length and gives some tips for combating it. The idea of cultivating an empathic inner voice is not entirely new to me. I do often stop mid-negative thought and try to replace it with a more positive one. But Sally takes it a step further and encourages us to have inner conversations with ourselves about how we’re feeling. As she notes, it seems a bit corny but can be quite transformative.

My favorite quote is at the end: “It’s not just about weight loss, though self-empathy helps with weight loss. It’s about finding fulfillment in life by honoring your needs. That starts with gentle listening.” I will work on doing a better job of listening to what it is I truly want so I’m not distracted by what I may think I want in the moment.

Cholesterol: What’s the Deal?

2009-02-18T15:51:00.004-05:00

I knew not to completely freak out when I got the news: your cholesterol is high (see test results above and/or left). From things I’ve read, I realized that there is a lot of controversy about the impact of cholesterol on heart disease risk and overall health. But that knowledge is very rough so I did some digging.

First, I emailed my doctor:

I just got my lipid test results and I'd like to talk with you about what it all means. My overall cholesterol is high, but the HDL is really high (which is a good thing, I gather). My triglycerides are over the standard range as well. Basically, do I have cause for concern and if so, what should I do?

Starting about 4 months ago, I started working out with a trainer functional/strength training) 3 times per wk and I do yoga 2 times per week. I began monitoring my food intake (1600-1800 calories per day) with the new year. I have finally started to lose a little weight (about 7 lbs). I do eat a fair amount of olive oil and other MUFAs, which is probably not bad. I do eat about 1 oz of cheese a day (it's one of my favorite snacks) and love eggs. Could this be a problem? Otherwise, I don't know what else I can really do -- it might just take more time for the diet/exercise changes to show.

Please let me know if there is anything else I should be doing or if there is a cause for concern.

This is what she recommended:

I reviewed your labs; total chol was 255, goal around 200, LDL was 140, goal is 130 or less. You need to follow a low chol diet; eliminate cheese, eggs( sp. Yolk); you can have egg whites and Egg substitutes. I believe the main focus has to be weight loss and continued exercise, your BMI is 39 and the goal would be 25, but, if you go at least down to 30 that will be OK. If possible you can restrict further your calories to between 1200-1500 cal a day*. Recheck chol in 6 months.

This response was pretty much what I expected, but still left me wanting to know/understand more. I went out in search of another perspective. I found it through LifeSpotlight.com. I followed a link to a truly enlightening article in Men’s Health that offers a more complex explanation:

It could be that it's not bad foods that cause heart disease, it's bad habits. After all, in Volek's study, participants who followed the low-fat diet -- which was high in carbs -- also decreased their triglycerides. "The key factor is that they weren't overeating," says Volek. "This allowed the carbohydrates to be used for energy rather than converted to fat." Perhaps this is the most important point of all. If you consistently consume more calories than you burn, and you gain weight, your risk of heart disease will increase -- whether you favor eating saturated fats, carbs, or both.

But if you're living a healthy lifestyle -- you aren't overweight, you don't smoke, you exercise regularly -- then the composition of your diet may matter much less. And, based on the research of Volek and Dr. Krauss, a weight-loss or maintenance diet in which some carbohydrates are replaced with fat -- even if it's saturated -- will reduce markers of heart-disease risk more than if you followed a low-fat, high-carb diet.

"The message isn't that you should gorge on butter, bacon, and cheese," says Volek. "It's that there's no scientific reason that natural foods containing saturated fat can't, or shouldn't, be part of a healthy diet."

This information is a good start. Lifestyle change/weight loss is the key, really. Any which way I can get there will probably result in lower lipid levels. I’m not going to stress too much about the cheese and eggs. I have to remember that I’m not even two months past a period in which I was actively gaining weight. I was overindulging mostly on extra carbs and sugars, which could not have been good for my health. I’ve started to change my diet and exercise habits but the effects of those changes take time to show themselves. I will check my levels again in 6 months – it will be interesting to see if weight loss alone results in lowered levels. If not, I will cut way back on the eggs/cheese/meat and see if THAT works.

*And about those calorie recommendations: Yes, I would lose weight much faster eating only 1200-1500 calories per day. However, since I burn about 2,200-2,600 per day depending on what type of exercise I do, I would be pretty miserable trying. I’d rather stick with my goal of losing about 1.25lbs per week as opposed to 2-3lbs. The key is being able to stick with it over the long haul. I don’t care how long it takes. As my weight goes down, I realize that my calorie level will have to do so as well. FitDay does a good job of helping me see how much of a calorie deficit I need to have in order to meet my weight loss goal.

Tackling Credit Card Debt: How to Get Started

2009-02-12T13:51:00.008-05:00

Yesterday, I got a very thoughtful question from a friend and reader of this blog:

Can I ask you - I saw on your blog (yes I'm an avid reader of it) that you went from 20K to 0!!! I have about 10k in cc debt... can i ask you what strategy you used?

To answer him, I pulled together some information I wish I had five years ago. Please add any other helpful hints you might have in the comments! Here is my response (edited slightly for reposting here):

In terms of strategy, I had none 5 years ago. I was at the end of my rope and just felt completely unknowledgeable and overwhelmed by my bills. I really didn't have a clue what to do. I turned to a non-profit credit counseling program which consolidated all of my cards into one payment that I made to them each month. They also got my interest rates reduced (to the 8-9% range or so). The only catch was that I paid them $20/month for them to do this for me. I was happy to do so because I was incredibly overwhelmed and it helped just to have the one bill to pay each month. The thought of it taking over 4 years was scary, but it felt good to have a plan. It was a hard transition. One of the terms of the agreement was that I had to completely stop using all cards and not apply for any new credit. That means I had to start actually living within my means and stay on top of what I was spending.

Since that time, I've learned a LOT. First, in terms of just learning the ins and outs of staying on top of my day to day finances so I wouldn't overdraft using my debit card (I had to start somewhere!) But in the last couple of years, I stumbled on the world of personal finance blogs and have learned so much I wish I'd known earlier.

I do not regret using the counseling service to consolidate my debt, but I wouldn't advocate it as the first option now. They really didn't do anything that you can't do yourself. I just didn't know enough and wasn't in the mental "place" to take those steps myself at that point. It is possible to call credit card companies to either request interest rate reductions or to work out a payment plan directly with them. To learn more about how to do stuff like that, check out The Simple Dollar and click on '31 days to fix your finances'. Day 25: Evaluating Your Expenses - Credit Cards, in particular, is a good primer on how to go about dealing with your cards. Also, check out his 'Recommended Reading' listing of books on the right side.

The best thing I can recommend is to check out the blogs (another good one is Get Rich Slowly) and maybe one or two books on the subject and just dive in. I am proof that people really can change – I went from someone with a total head-in-the-sand approach to finances, to a complete geek about it. I now find it fascinating and fun to talk about. I never would have imagined that!

But if all this seems like a huge overwhelming chore, there is nothing wrong with asking for help by way of consolidation. It's like paying someone to clean your house because it's worth the money to not have to deal. It was for me at the time I started this. But if you're willing to dig in and take a DIY approach, it certainly can be done. You pay with your time/attention rather than money. Either way, as I said before, I've become really into the whole thing and would be happy to help if you ever have questions, etc.

That’s all I got but please add further advice below. Thanks!

*Update: I just read a great A Step-by-Step Guide to Getting Your Credit Card Interest Rates Reduced over at The Simple Dollar. It's a great place to start.

Checking My Progress

2009-02-10T11:05:00.007-05:00

I love looking at all the different charts and graphs available on FitDay. It's good to see that I'm on the right track, even though my weigh-ins seem so stagnant on a daily basis. So far, my weight loss is following along with my goal pace, as you can see on the graph above. It’s only been one month but I am feeling really motivated by what I’ve done so far.

This week has been a little harder, though, and my calorie counts have been further up towards 1800 (the top of my range). I continue to be enthusiastic about tracking and I make sure to input everything, no matter what. This is a big step for me because I have tended to stick my head in the sand whenever I didn’t follow my plan exactly. The key right now is to use this data as a learning tool, rather than an instrument with which to judge myself. So far, so good!

Tonight is a bit of a challenge: I’m going to an event at Cute Man’s program. I’m looking forward to hearing his cute middle-schoolers read their literary love poems in honor of Valentine’s Day. But it just so happens to take place during my usual dinner hour. There will be refreshments, but that might be more of a hindrance than a help. I feel a bit anxious whenever I’m out of my normal routine. To counteract this, I’ve brought along a bit more food to eat during the day at work as well as a Luna Bar to have while others indulge in whatever is there at the event. When I get home, I plan to have a small cheese omelet and a salad. Cute Man generally doesn’t like eggs for dinner, so he can have chicken if he feels up to cooking it. In the past, I would have automatically made sure to go along with his preferences so we could have the same meal. But I need to address my own needs first and a lighter, faster meal is what I’m going to need.

Taking the time to not only plan ahead, but to anticipate my needs in various situations is the most important lesson I’ve learned so far. I’ve decided to view my health and fitness goals as a type of hobby. It’s just what I do apart from spending time with Cute Man and work. I don’t see the time/effort of planning meals, shopping, cooking, and exercising to be something annoying I just have to do. These tasks can be fun and are extremely rewarding. Whenever I start to feel frustrated, I focus on that aspect and I bring my attitude around.

Thoughts on Breakfast

2009-01-30T17:17:00.001-05:00

It’s time for Step 3 in Sally’s Year of Self Care and it’s all about breakfast. We’ve all heard this before, but she has a unique take on the “most important meal of the day”. Turns out our choices involve a few other things besides cereal, milk, eggs, or bacon! Who knew?

I happen to like breakfast but often don’t eat it right away after getting up. I prefer to have a cup of coffee or tea with a good deal of soy milk in it. That’s enough to get me going and out the door. Some people bring a lunch box to work. I bring a massive Bag o’ food that serves me throughout the day, including breakfast, lunch, and various snacks. There is no “oh I’m hungry, let me see what’s in the vending machine” for me. Everything I’ve planned to eat is in the bag/fridge waiting for me.

But back to breakfast. Sally lists a bunch of great suggestions for alternative breakfast ideas that all include a bit of healthy complex carbs, protein, and fat. I’m going to list the ones I current eat often, eat occasionally, and would like to try. Sally’s words are italicized.

Eat Often

- Sliced apple or pear with natural peanut.
*I sometimes have cheese with my apple instead but it serves a similar purpose.

- Whole-grain toast with 1-2 tablespoons peanut butter.
*Yum, this is a fave.

- Oatmeal (preferably rolled or steel-cut, which has more fiber and nutrients than instant) with fruit in it and a bit of nuts, seeds, protein powder, flax meal, or other protein.
*I eat oatmeal quite often but without the added protein, which would be beneficial.

Eat Occasionally

- 1 or 2 eggs, 2 egg whites, with a small bit of cheese, olive pieces, salsa, and/or spinach
*This would be a weekend breakfast for me.

- Handful of nuts.
*I’ve been avoiding nuts lately due to portion control issues – except for measured amounts in salads.

- 1-2 tablespoons dried fruit mixed with 1-2 tablespoons of nuts.
*See above about nuts – I have trouble controlling calorie counts on my trail mixes.

- Fruit smoothie that includes greens, nut butter, hemp or rice protein powder, or some other type of protein.
*I only like these freshly made so I have them when I plan to eat at home.

- Homemade muffins (be aware of the sugar level and how it may affect you) with flax meal, fruit, and nuts or seeds added to the mix.
*I go through phases – sometimes I love to bake and have these ready-made for breakfasts. I haven’t done this lately, though.

Like to Try

- Mixed, steamed vegetables with greens and barley or quinoa.
*This is something I could take along once I got in the habit of preparing this type of food in advance for breakfast.

- Miso soup with vegetables.
*I could probably do this – I’m a big fan of soup, but it’s usually my lunch so I’d have to find something else for THAT meal then.

- Yogurt (dairy, soy, coconut milk–watch the sugar amounts) mixed with applesauce or chopped fresh or frozen fruit.
*I may give soy yogurt a shot soon.

As an added challenge to those of us who regularly eat breakfast, Sally suggested that we eat it in a more mindful manner. In other words: stop the multitasking. This is something advocated by Dr. Beck and I have struggled to follow it. I must admit that despite an early commitment to trying to make this happen at each meal, I’ve fallen back on bad habits. For breakfast, this means eating it while catching up on emails at my desk at work. This is something I need to try again. I definitely see the benefits when I take the time to just eat. But making myself stop doing the other things beforehand is tough.

So far, I’ve really enjoyed following along in this series (Thanks Sally!) It’s making me think about and work on some important things. I feel a lot more comfortable with the gradual nature of this process and am slowly letting go of the desire to rush it. And although I’m not as avid a meal planner as Sally, I’m comfortable with my shopping list creation and simple meal prep. It’s working for our family and there’s still room to grow in that department.

The First Five

2009-01-26T13:41:00.000-05:00

I am happy to report that I’m officially down 5lbs since I started tracking with FitDay on January 7th. I was actually a pound or so heavier when I started at the New Year but I’ll stick with the “official” results. Reaching this first little milestone looms large in my mind – it gives me a tangible piece of data to cuddle up to. I know in my head that I want to take this slow and steady. I want to make those gradual changes that will bring me closer to a healthier me. But there’s nothing like actual results to fuel the fire of motivation.

The daily weighing can easily skew my perspective but I like looking at the graph’s end points: where I started and where I am now. The jagged ups and downs on the graph don’t matter – only the fact that I’m trending downward. Considering that it hasn’t even been three weeks since my “start” date, being down 5lbs is phenomenal! My goal pace is to lose an average of 1.25 lbs per week. By that measure I’m ahead of the curve.

I’ve had to experiment a LOT to get to the point where I was seeing true movement on the scale. The Beck Diet encouraged me to start out eating 2200 calories per day, which I knew would be too much. From watching my body’s reactions, I’ve come to realize my target should be between 1600-1800 per day. My current activities include 3 one hour-long circuit training sessions and 2 one hour-long yoga classes per week. I obviously seem to lose more at the lower end of the range but having a couple of 1800 calorie days seems to be OK.

This is definitely a learning process and I’m really starting to enjoy it. Seeing the results start to come is an amazing feeling. It just spurs me on to keep going. I know I can do it and finally have some clear data to support that claim. If you’re curious on how I’m doing this, just look for the link to my FitDay account on the right.

So enough about me – anyone else out there starting to see results? If so, how can you tell? If not yet, what are you struggling with? Please share in the comments. Let's motivate each other!