Yoga is everywhere for me this week. It comes up in conversation, in the blogs I read, and of course, in yoga class (well, duh!) The biggest yoga-related event was an invitation from one of my teachers to join her yoga teacher training class. Immediately, the walls came up: I don’t have time, I don’t have the money... The main reason, though, was really: I’m not good enough.
I mean, yoga teachers are like all bendy and skinny and perfect, right? What do I really have to offer? I wondered what my teacher saw in me to lead her to invite me to join her class (it wasn’t a general invite to the class – she only teaches 4-6 people at a time). But from her point of view, I am just the sort of student she was looking for: someone who loves yoga and wants to share the benefits of it with others. Really, it’s that simple. Most people aren’t the “perfect” yoga-type. I know from my own experience that yoga has something to offer no matter what your physical abilities are. Maybe having a teacher who is not the perfect “yoga type” would help others see that in a very physical, no-we’re-not-just-saying-that way.
I have been lucky in my experience with yoga – the various teachers, studios, and classes at work have all been very inclusive. Any discomfort I’ve ever felt (which was extremely rare and fleeting) was in my own head, having to do with my own insecurities. But there’s nothing like trying to learn how to stand on your head to make you forget all that shit real fast!!! You’re too busy! But it’s not all flashy headstands (which I’m not currently doing as part of my practice) or fancy backbends. Yoga is more about being truly present in my body and enjoying it for what it CAN do in the moment, rather than what it can’t.
The class doesn’t start until September, so I have plenty of time to decide and save up the money, if it’s what I really want to do. Right now, it seems like I do. The opportunity is pretty incredible in that my teacher has offered me a partial scholarship to help make this possible. I can envision myself teaching a few classes at a studio or private sessions to individuals or small groups or maybe donating my time at a shelter. I’m not looking to this as a big money maker or anything. It’s more avocation than vocation. We’ll see if I’m still this pumped as decision time looms. I can be quite fickle sometimes!
In the meantime, I will work on my at-home practice. Carving out the time and choosing the mat over the couch is always a challenge. I very much look forward to the little “room of my own” awaiting me in our new house. The plan is to leave it almost completely bare, with just my mat, props, and laptop for music and/or yoga videos. There is just something incredibly appealing in having wide open space (as wide open as a tiny 3rd bedroom can be!) to just turn inward away from the myriad distractions of daily life and be with myself doing something that makes me feel good. I can’t wait!