It’s been over week so far and I’m starting to settle in to my new routine. Eating some fruit or starch every 3-5 hours seems to be the ticket for keeping my blood sugar stable. I really do need to keep it to one serving at a time (one small piece of fruit; half cup of starchy veg or rice) or else I activate the carb monster who just wants to keep eating and eating. I only eat the starches with meals so they’re paired with protein and fat. I do sometimes eat fruit on its own for snacks, and thankfully, that doesn't seem to cause any issues – maybe it’s the fiber and water that naturally comes packaged in fruit…
I have noticed that I’m a little more emotional lately. It’s not the horrendous mood swings of my high carb days, but it’s noticeable to me. I haven’t had any melt-downs or anything, I just feel little more raw. I will stay tuned in to this and see if this evens out, becomes my new normal, or what. As long as I don’t start going off on Cute Man like I did in the past, I think it’s OK.
One thing I have been emotional about is my weight. When will I just get over this? I am determined not to weigh myself for at least the next month, to give this a real shot. My clothes all fit fine, but I feel like an extra little roll has returned around my middle. Is that just from my glycogen refilling?
As these thoughts swirled around in my brain, making me doubt the road I’m on, I came across Stacy’s post about Fat Phobia today. It galls me to know that after all I've been through, all I've earned, I am STILL hung up about my weight. Reading that made me confront the fact that despite my lip service to acceptance, I am still on a weight loss journey. I talk about focusing on health first, but I really want that to result in losing excess fat.
I am quite familiar with the concept of Fat Acceptance and was very into the idea of Health at Every Size prior to discovering Paleo. I still hold to those ideas intellectually, but have refined them a bit. Trying to eat intuitively (as I did for two years), without the knowledge that wheat, in particular, stimulates appetite and makes me eat more than I need, was not effective. It felt great to not “worry about my weight”, but it did not feel good to keep getting bigger and bigger with no end in sight. I also had horrible heartburn, psoriasis, low energy, etc. Finding information about Paleo did resolve those things in time and did help me shed some of my excess fat. I guess at some point I lost sight of the health goals and fell back into the familiar trappings of a weight loss quest.
I’ve written about this quandary many times here but it’s clear that I’m just not over it or at peace with where I am. There is a lot of work left to do. I’m so glad to have such a great support system – a husband who loves me at any size and friends, like Stacy, who are on a similar path.