This post was written on August 27, 2014 -- the day after I got my positive test. I just cannot wait to start cataloging this journey! So, for now, this is just for me with the idea of posting these updates starting in a couple months.
I am still very much in shock. It's been over 4 years of not preventing conception, with only one other pregnancy, which was an extremely early miscarriage that happened before I knew I had been pregnant. It was traumatic physically, but emotionally I just couldn't process that I had lost something I didn't even know I'd had. My doctor thought it was ectopic (a tubal pregnancy) because they didn't see anything on ultrasound, despite my insistence that I could only possibly be a day or two pregnant due to knowing my cycle. They did eventually see something in the uterus, but it was not viable by that point in any case.
That was two years ago and since then, nothing. I went through periods of actively charting my cycle and doing tons of research and planning. I also went through times when I couldn't think about it at all. I needed to enjoy my life the way it is, which is fantastic.
All the time, the clock was ticking... I was staring at my 37th birthday and just knew that it was now or never in terms of taking a proactive approach. I saw my doctor, got some preliminary tests (all seemed fine). Sam was checked. We started jumping through the hoops my insurance needed for our referral to the fertility center (dealing with two different sets of medical systems -- Kaiser and GW was quite the fun time!)
I signed up for a Yoga for Fertility Class. I joined Baby Launch Camp. I worked with a Health Coach. I downloaded Fertility Meditations. I recommitted to daily temperature and fertility sign charting. I was on this! But, somewhere in the back of my mind was Negative Nelly whispering how this just wasn't going to happen for us. I started looking into adoption and foster care (the latter something we want to do eventually, regardless of whether was have a biological child). Those are great options that I support but there was this niggling craving to have this all-too-human experience. I wanted to find out "for sure" (at least as much as the medical establishment can determine this) before exploring other options.
I'm not sure what "did it" this month. Not much has really changed -- I still eat a Paleo diet, which has been including Perfect Health Diet starches to varying degrees. I had been counting calories and slowly losing a bit of weight (nothing significant yet). The main difference is that I did put my intention on the process to a much greater degree.
I also read somewhere that stevia is used for contraception in some cultures (totally controversial and not an established fact) so I stopped using it. I had been using it quite a bit in smoothies and coffee/tea. I'm telling you, if that turns out to have been the issue I will scream! I was trying to avoid sugar at all costs only to be undermining my fertility? So wrong! But, who knows? These days, I'm working to eat things without a sweet taste and to use honey sparingly when I really want it. Sugar is sugar, but at least the body knows how to process glucose/fructose. I figure that small amounts won't cause too much trouble. The idea is to avoid the dreaded blood sugar spikes.
That brings me to several days ago when I realized that my temperatures weren't starting to drop in advance of my expected period. That was a good sign! Then, a few more days went by... And yesterday, I decided what the heck? Just take a test. And it was positive! I could not believe it. So, I took another one. Also positive! Seriously? Was this really happening? I stared at the sticks for a minute or so, then ran down two flights to find Cute Man. He was surprised but very happy!
I contacted my doctor right away to ask to take a blood test to confirm. She said that it wasn't needed and that the home tests are accurate. I should just make an appointment in a few weeks for my first sonogram. Really? It didn't seem like it could be official without a doctor pronouncing me pregnant. Even so, I know in my heart it's true -- it's happening. I have such a wave of joy that has just permeated everything for the last two days. And tonight, I'm going to my very first prenatal yoga class! Is it weird that I've dreamed of going to prenatal yoga? It's like a club that I just couldn't get into. Now, I have my free pass and I'm not wasting any time taking advantage of it!