It seems like a no-brainer. I should know what I like, what I’m good at, right? But it’s not always so clear cut, at least for me. I have made many mistakes and wrong turns in my career and lifestyle that clearly show that I had NO CLUE what I really liked or what I wanted. I think the problem lies in separating out the things that I admire and wish I liked or wanted from reality.
A simple example that struck me just today was that I often think about how much I’d love to have a small vegetable garden at home so I could grow and have some fresh produce. My grandfather did that and it was wonderful. But if that’s so, why haven’t I made any effort at all to do that in my current back yard? My landlady has such a garden and clearly needs help tending it. Our neighbors, who grow a lot of food and even have bee hives, do most of it for her. But have I ever made one move to get involved? No. And when I see articles such as The GRS Garden Project: February 2009 Update I page right by. I’m not interested. So what makes me think I should have a vegetable garden?
I’ve also done jobs that, in hindsight, were completely off the mark in terms of jiving with my personality. I love working with children but the constant stress, never-ending paperwork, and standing on my feet all day life of being a teacher is just not for me. What was I thinking? I did that for a total of 4 years, even returning to it after doing something else for a time after that first year. Then, I took a managerial job at a salon – again completely stressful and involved running around all day. Was I delusional? I’ve finally learned from these missteps and found a place where I can be myself, be competent, and not have to be in charge of managing others 100% of the time. Halleluiah.
It is important that I face the fact of my true nature and not try to impose visions of what I think I should be. I’ve always loved working with kids – I should be a teacher! Not so much. I love fresh delicious food – I should grow a garden! Maybe not. I want a happy family-centered life – my husband and I should buy a house! Hmm… maybe I should look a little more clearly at what I actually want in my life. Do I want a family? Yes. Do I want children? Probably. Do I want a house and yard to take care of? Not particularly. I have tantrums just getting myself to clean the bathroom occasionally in our little apartment. What the heck would I do in a large house? Yes, I do know cleaning services exist and I’m still praying to win that argument with Cute Man about employing one when we have more space to take care of. And I know that at least some more space is necessary when we start having kids, but how much? Would a small condo with a great location close to work and little upkeep make more sense? I’m beginning to realize that the real me, not the vision of me, wants to keep things small and manageable with as few household responsibilities as possible. And that’s OK. Everyone, including me, will be happier dealing with reality rather than pushing up against the expectations of a fantasy.
Showing posts with label Background. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Background. Show all posts
Wednesday, March 4, 2009
Monday, May 12, 2008
Childhood Lessons
Today at the Brazen Careerist, Penelope Trunk talked about how everything you need to know about what you’re supposed to be doing can be discerned from looking to your childhood experiences. The suggested that we each think of a memory to help illustrate her point.
The memory that popped into my head was of me running around and splashing in a fountain. I was with my dad and I must have been quite young, maybe five. I just remember the pure joy of being allowed to run and play and get all wet in my clothes without worrying about anything. If I remember correctly, Dad even joined in or at least was having a good time.
It seems like a strange memory to hit me right off the bat. But as Penelope was saying, these types of things can reveal more than you realize at first glance. So what does this memory say about my true life’s desires? Well, I still love water – showers, baths, pools, a lake, the ocean… You name it – if it’s a body of water, I’d gladly jump in it. I’m also still happiest when I’m feeling carefree and being silly with someone I love.
Does this say anything about what I should be doing for a living as Penelope’s article is really about? Not really. If anything it just reinforces my lack of interest in a vocation! I pretty much embody the phase: I work to live not live to work. I don’t look to work to fulfill me or to be my purpose. Who says I have to have a purpose? Maybe the purpose of life is just to enjoy it and have the most fun you can. How about THAT? And for me, work is just the means I use to give me the resources to have that fun and enjoyment in life. As long as I’m not stuck somewhere that sucks the life out of me everyday, I’m pretty much good to go. Get to work for an organization that’s in line with my values and does some good work? Bonus.
The memory that popped into my head was of me running around and splashing in a fountain. I was with my dad and I must have been quite young, maybe five. I just remember the pure joy of being allowed to run and play and get all wet in my clothes without worrying about anything. If I remember correctly, Dad even joined in or at least was having a good time.
It seems like a strange memory to hit me right off the bat. But as Penelope was saying, these types of things can reveal more than you realize at first glance. So what does this memory say about my true life’s desires? Well, I still love water – showers, baths, pools, a lake, the ocean… You name it – if it’s a body of water, I’d gladly jump in it. I’m also still happiest when I’m feeling carefree and being silly with someone I love.
Does this say anything about what I should be doing for a living as Penelope’s article is really about? Not really. If anything it just reinforces my lack of interest in a vocation! I pretty much embody the phase: I work to live not live to work. I don’t look to work to fulfill me or to be my purpose. Who says I have to have a purpose? Maybe the purpose of life is just to enjoy it and have the most fun you can. How about THAT? And for me, work is just the means I use to give me the resources to have that fun and enjoyment in life. As long as I’m not stuck somewhere that sucks the life out of me everyday, I’m pretty much good to go. Get to work for an organization that’s in line with my values and does some good work? Bonus.
Wednesday, March 12, 2008
Where I’m Going
Now that I feel like I have my head screwed on straight about why I’m doing this, it’s time to get serious about my goals. The overarching goal is to get healthier and more balanced overall but that’s a bit too vague to really mean much. So, I’ve broken things up into more manageable and meaningful chunks.
Phase One of the Healthy Amelia Action Plan is to focus on weight loss and freedom from debt. Still vague. Hmm… Ok, I’ll break it down further...
Phase One Action Steps:
- Keep within my daily/weekly Points allowance.
- Complete at least 30 minutes of mindful activity four days per week (walking to the Metro doesn’t count!)
- Track all food, exercise, and money expenditures in the appropriate journal.
- Note current weight weekly on Mondays.
- Take body measurements monthly on or about the 15th.
- Note current debt load and savings level monthly on or about the 15th.
The timeframe on this Phase is open-ended. I will use the check-in times noted above to keep tabs on how I’m doing as I go along. Some milestones I expect to reach during Phase One include completing a Half Marathon (VA Beach Rock n’ Roll) in late August and knocking off each credit card one at a time within a year’s time.
Where I Am
My biggest support system (second only to my Cute Man and my wonderful family) is an online group I found on the Weight Watchers message boards. We’re called the DC Ducks and we keep in touch daily on our thread (the pond) and quite often in person as well. The friendship and wealth of fresh ideas that I’ve found with them has led me to gain a greater understanding of myself and my purpose. I finally realized around this past New Year that it was time to stop all the battling and struggling – with my weight and my finances. I finally woke up to the fact that it’s not a war I’m waging against my fat or debts, but more of a quest for mindfulness in the way that I treat my body and finances. I am striving for equilibrium and it’s not something that will ever be completed or perfect. Balance is not a static state but the sum total of many micro-adjustments. The important thing is to keep trying, and eventually, it will all average out to be where I want it to be.
So I’ve given up the fight and have ironically found more success in both areas. I find myself being more forgiving and it’s a lot easier to let go of minor setbacks. I also build in a good deal of wiggle room into both my budget and eating plan so I have room for fun things without wreaking havoc on my goals. Although I’m no longer a Weight Watchers paying customer, I still use their Flex plan as a guide for me. I try to keep the same outlook I have towards tracking my spending when it comes to tracking my food intake. I like the short hand of Points and have made peace with journaling my food. It’s just a tool for keeping tabs, just like for money. As I start this blog in mid-March 2008, I am down 13 lbs since January and have smashed one of my credit cards down to 1/3 of what it was while still making my consolidated payments.
So I’ve given up the fight and have ironically found more success in both areas. I find myself being more forgiving and it’s a lot easier to let go of minor setbacks. I also build in a good deal of wiggle room into both my budget and eating plan so I have room for fun things without wreaking havoc on my goals. Although I’m no longer a Weight Watchers paying customer, I still use their Flex plan as a guide for me. I try to keep the same outlook I have towards tracking my spending when it comes to tracking my food intake. I like the short hand of Points and have made peace with journaling my food. It’s just a tool for keeping tabs, just like for money. As I start this blog in mid-March 2008, I am down 13 lbs since January and have smashed one of my credit cards down to 1/3 of what it was while still making my consolidated payments.
Where I've Been
I moved to the DC area in 2000 and have worked as a teacher, spa coordinator, and in advertising at a non-profit. I have had a life-long battle with my weight and am trying to get fitter and healthier. Walking, jogging, and yoga are all helping me work towards those goals. I belong to the Arlington Road Runners Club and am working up to doing a 5k using the Couch to 5k podcasts. I plan to start training for the VA Beach Rock n’ Roll Half Marathon with ARRC this Spring. Previously, I ran/walked the Marine Corps Marathon two times in 2003 and 2004 using the Galloway run/walk method. I also work a few hours a month at a yoga studio in exchange for free classes.
I woke up to my financial struggle about four years ago when I started dating Cute Man. I realized that the mindless spending on my credit cards had to stop and I had to do something to get control over the situation. I had done a bunch of balance transfers previously to get the 0% interest but sometimes they wouldn’t take my whole balance – I ended up with 6 cards and was feeling overwhelmed. So I did some research and decided to consolidate them all through a non-profit agency. That brought me down to one (large) payment a month and got me to abandon using my cards. That was an important step but I still was living hand to mouth. It was only about 6 months ago that I finally really nailed down my budget and began automated savings. I’m also now paying extra on my debts with the goal of paying them off completely within one year (by April 1, 2009).
I woke up to my financial struggle about four years ago when I started dating Cute Man. I realized that the mindless spending on my credit cards had to stop and I had to do something to get control over the situation. I had done a bunch of balance transfers previously to get the 0% interest but sometimes they wouldn’t take my whole balance – I ended up with 6 cards and was feeling overwhelmed. So I did some research and decided to consolidate them all through a non-profit agency. That brought me down to one (large) payment a month and got me to abandon using my cards. That was an important step but I still was living hand to mouth. It was only about 6 months ago that I finally really nailed down my budget and began automated savings. I’m also now paying extra on my debts with the goal of paying them off completely within one year (by April 1, 2009).
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