Thursday, November 14, 2013

Feeling Hopeful (Keto Update)

I go back and forth on this whole fat loss thing. On the one hand, I want to feel good in my skin as I am and on the other, I want to care about myself enough to put in the effort needed to be my Best Self. I don't equate thinner with better, but being 50 lbs over my happy-weight is not optimal by any stretch. 

In my mind's eye, I don't picture myself thin when I think about that Best Self. I see myself moving effortlessly and gracefully without being encumbered by excess that I don't need. I look strong and capable, toned and solid.

I know that numbers on a scale aren't a particularly great way to judge progress but I've been at this long enough to have a rough idea of how they match up to how *I* feel at a given weight, if that makes sense. If I had to put a number on my goal, it would be about 180 lbs., a size 12 for me. It also happens to be the weight I achieved when Cute Man and I got together ten whole years ago (eep!) I don't think that's a coincidence, since I felt my absolute best at that time. Sure, I didn't get there in the most healthy way (marathon training + Jenny Craig = unsustainable weight loss) but I know that it's a place where I feel good. I am hoping that if I put the work in to get there in a healthy way, it's a place that I could not just get to for what felt like a moment, but stay in the ballpark for life. 

This is all to say: I'm not asking for the moon, people.

And today, I feel hopeful, like this isn't all just a pipe dream and I can actually DO this. I felt inspired to get on the scale and I'm down another 2.5 lbs. in the last couple weeks. The grand total, according to is 7 lbs. lost in 9 weeks (I was off in my estimation of how long I've officially been at this in an earlier post).

I never hardly ever feel resentful or annoyed with the WAY I eat (low carb Paleo, avoiding grains, etc) but I do oftentimes chafe at the whole counting business. It's a kind of annoying neurotic thing to do! But, it's helping me. It's making me more aware of my choices and is helping me hit a very mild calorie restriction target that allows me to eat plenty and lose weight at at slow, yet consistent pace. I'm pretty confident that I am able to maintain my weight without counting (as long as I don't again fall prey to too many treats, etc.) but to lose, I need to be accountable. And that's OK. 

In terms of the specifics, I've changed my calorie target to shoot for a 15% calorie deficit each day and I'm not counting any activity calories. For me, that turns out to be about 1800 a day, which is very comfortable (I had been trying for 1600 then adding in any activity calories but that was stressing me out a bit). I'm still staying under 50 total carbs a day (about 25-40 net). It's feeling good and no lie, seeing a lower number on the scale DID make my day. Old patterns are hard to break.

But for now, I'll take it. I'm making progress and feeling at peace with the method and work involved. In the grand cost/benefit analysis of life, it's a pretty good deal all around. 

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